Prayers for separated spouses

Prayer is one of the most tangible and powerful ways you can love your spouse. For Christians, the importance of prayer is readily acknowledged but often forgotten. This tendency to forget is probably because we haven’t had a deep revelation of what prayer is and why we do it.

NOTE : Our NEW prayer devotionals will be here in September, 2018! Make sure to visit

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The Fierce Marriage Podcast:

In a recent podcast episode, Selena and I discussed the below points in great detail. If you’re a podcast person, give it a listen below or subscibe on your podcasting app of choice so you never miss an episode. Enjoy!

3 Underlying Principles of Prayer

I recently began reading Prayer by Tim Keller. I recommend it to everyone looking to deepen their understanding of prayer and its role in the Christian life.

If nothing else, this (very) quick look of prayer will set a baseline for this post. I also hope it reminds us of the purpose and power of prayer as well as our position as those who pray (wow, look at all of those P words).

1. We have access to the God through Christ
   Jesus paved the way and cleared the lines of communication. It’s only through Jesus that we are “acceptable” to God. This is not because God is mean, but because He is holy. I’d imagine us approaching God without Jesus would be like throwing a lit match into a hurricane – there’s just no way the match wouldn’t be snuffed out. Jesus is the titanium globe surrounding our match as we’re hurled into the hurricane. Jesus covers us with his righteousness through grace (fancy word: propitiation).
   Scripture: Hebrews 7:25-28, Romans 8:34
2. We can influence God’s actions
   I almost didn’t include this point because it’s such a complex thing to say. However, from what I’ve learned, been taught, and observed in the Bible (and in modern history), God listens and intercedes based on prayers of His people. Even if the converse is true (we cannot influence God’s actions), it would really have no bearing on whether or not we should pray… but that’s a discussion for a different blog! Let us humbly assume we can talk to God and sway His heart through praying. (Note: our hearts must be aligned with His. That is, we don’t change God’s mind however we want, God changes His mind because He’s a loving Father).
   Scripture: James 5:16, 1 John 5:14
3. God listens and answers
   When you pray to God, your prayers are heard. There are many passages of scripture which explain this, but it’s important we don’t take it for granted. The “God answers prayer” part is what can cause immature believers a crisis of faith – being immature is fine but staying immature isn’t. We may get frustrated when our prayers are unanswered. But, note that the Bible never says “God will always do what you ask no matter what”. God always answers, just not always with what we want. (“No”, and “not right now” are answers too).
   Scripture: 1 John 5, Hebrews 4

Ok, so we’re hopefully on the same page about prayer. Given our role as God’s children – and in an intimate relationship with Him – prayer has staggering implications on our marriages! So how should I pray for Selena? How should you pray for your spouse?

5 Specific Ways to Pray Intentionally for Your Spouse

As I’ve stated before, I’m not exactly a black-belt in praying. Selena is much better at it than I am—she’s a great communicator and I tend to under-communicate. She’s even written about 10 Ways to Pray for Your Husband (I love that woman so much…!)

I’ve found it helpful to follow a logical progression for how I cover my bride with prayer. I like to start inside and work outward. As you pray for your spouse, make sure to pray for:

1: Their Heart

I don’t mean their physical heart, but their general softness of heart toward God and the Holy Spirit. Pray that they will be receptive to conviction (teachable); that they would continue to hear God and respond. Also pray that they would be refreshed by God – being constantly given new joy, hope, peace, and love. Ask God to protect their heart from attacks and temptation (Matthew 6).

Just knowing that Selena covers me in prayer for my purity of heart (lust, financial idols, stress, etc) gives me great confidence that she’s in my corner, fighting for me.

2: Their Mind

Wisdom and discernment. God has given us these incredible organs called “brains”. We can think, reason, and decide. Everyone makes decisions all day every day; pray that your spouse makes wise decisions big and small. Pray that they have a renewed mind, one that perceives and considers choices through God’s lens.

It could be said that the mind sees options and outcomes, but the heart chooses the right one (see #1 above). Pray for your spouse to have clarity of thought and focus as they go about their day—whatever task they’re putting their hands to, may it be completed wisely and diligently!

3: Their Health and Safety

Your spouse may be fighting off a sickness or working a perilous job. Pray for protection and health. Also, make sure to give God plenty of gratitude for when health and protection are evident! (Actually, give thanks ALWAYS, no matter the circumstance).

4: Their Concerns

When Selena is dealing with something difficult, it’s part of my role as her husband to cover her in prayer. We often pray together when facing a tough time, but I have to remind myself to contend for her with God on my own. This is what compassion is all about: taking on someone else’s situation and burdens as your own.

Go to God on your spouse’s behalf, taking on their concerns as your own.

5: Their Purpose

Selena and I are one, and our purposes overlap quite a bit. By God’s grace, we are working together toward a common goal… most of the time.

Selena is also a unique, special, gifted, and annointed woman with purpose specifically tailored to her. In fact, she’s God’s child before she’s my wife (whoa, heart check!). As her husband, it’s my role to support her in her God-ordained purpose by encouraging her, watching her back, offering counsel, and most of all, praying.

Now, Pray with Boldness

So we’ve briefly covered some principles of prayer. It’s safe to say the above is not exhaustive. Make sure to dig into God’s word on your own to build up your own prayer life, your own faith, and your own understanding about why you pray. You don’t need to know every theological detail about prayer to participate.

Just talk to God—He’s your loving Father who loves to hear from you. Ask God to show you how to pray, and remember your role as a prayer. As you pray, also remember your role as a spouse. You are in covenant with your husband or wife, and you are in covenant with God.

There’s power in the covenant you have with God, and one of the most beautiful aspects of that covenant is the ability to pray.

Questions:
What is one thing you pray for regarding your spouse?
Is there a specific prayer request you’d like the Fierce Marriage community to pray for?

Please let us know in the comments below!

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Lord Jesus, grant that I and my spouse may have a true and understanding love for each other. Grant that we may both be filled with

faith

and trust. Give us the

grace

to live with each other in peace and harmony. May we always bear with one another’s weaknesses and grow from each other’s strengths. Help us to forgive one another’s failings and grant us patience, kindness, cheerfulness and the

spirit

of placing the well-being of one another ahead of self.

May the love that brought us together grow and mature with each passing year. Bring us both ever closer to You through our love for each other. Let our love grow to perfection. Amen.

www.catholic.org

We would like to share with you this hedge of thorns prayer.  This is not the same as a hedge of protection prayer.  The difference is the hedge of protection keeps what is external from coming in while the hedge of thorns prayer keeps what is in from going out.

You should only pray this prayer for people with whom you have a biblical covenant relationship.  So this would be for an unfaithful spouse and you can also use this prayer for a prodigal child, drug addicted child, a child who is keeping company with gang related friends.

This prayer should not be prayed for your boyfriend, or girlfriend or someone whom you have feelings for that is not your spouse.  That would be considered witchcraft because you are not in a covenant relationship with that person.  You also don’t really know God’s will for that person so try not to let your emotions and feelings get control of you.

Likewise if you feel that someone who is not in a covenant relationship with you may be praying this over you, then you want to cut soul ties with them and pray this off of you.

Let’s look at the scriptures that talk about the Hedge of Thorns.  There are actually 2 scriptures in the King James Version- one refers to laziness Proverbs 15:19 (we’ll cover that in a different post) and the other is Hosea 2:6.

We will focus in on Hosea 2:6.  The book of Hosea is about the prophet Hosea and his unfaithful spouse.  This book,while it can be taken literally, can also be looked at figuratively as the Church of Jesus Christ being unfaithful to God and chasing after things (idolatry) and not God.  This is a spiritual unfaithfulness. Therefore if you see your child going after things that are not of God (prodigals, drug and alcohol addicted, bad company) you can use these scriptures to pray for them as well.

Let’s look at the scripture in context…

Hosea 2:5-7 (NKJV) “For their mother has played the harlot; She who conceived them has behaved shamefully. For she said, ‘I will go after my lovers, Who give me my bread and my water, My wool and my linen,  My oil and my drink.’ “Therefore, behold, I will hedge up your way with thorns, And wall her in, So that she cannot find her paths. She will chase her lovers, But not overtake them; Yes, she will seek them, but not find them.  Then she will say, ‘I will go and return to my first husband, For then it was better for me than now.’

That’s pretty clear showing that these hedge of thorns keeps the unfaithful from going out and they return to the one with whom they are in a covenant relationship.

Hedge of Thorns Prayer:

Father God, I present to you this day ___________ and ask that you put the hedge of thorns, according to Hosea 2:6, around them to keep them from falling into sin.  Cause them to not find the way of unfaithfulness.  Cause these ungodly desires to not be fulfilled.  May they return to a covenant relationship first and foremost with you, God, and secondly to the covenant relationship that You have ordained from the foundations of the earth.  I pray for grace, patience and peace to guard my heart as I wait on You Lord to bring this prayer to fulfillment.  I pray that You would send away all these ungodly desires.  May _______ lose the desire to go that way, reveal to her/him that this way is destruction and against your will. Give him/her dreams and visions to see that the end is of no good.  I pray that You will season my speech with grace so that I will know what to say and when to say it.  I pray that you will cleanse my heart and root out any seed of bitterness. Give me grace to forgive.  Put a guard over my mouth and show me how I can accommodate the reconciliation and restoration of this covenant relationship.  If I have any responsibility in driving ______ away from you God and from this covenant relationship, please reveal it to me.  Forgive me God and prepare me for their return.  Guide them and me with your Holy Spirit, in Jesus Name, Amen.

 If you want us to pray for your unfaithful spouse or your child, please write your prayer request below and we will pray for you and for them.

God Bless You.

Here are some other related prayers:

Prayer for the Prodigal Child

Prayer for Marriage Restoration

Prayer for the Family

Prayer to Heal Broken Relationships

Prayer to Break Soul Ties

Prayer for a Hedge of Protection

Save

Save

Save

www.missionariesofprayer.org

Here are 5 prayers for reconciliation in relationships between spouses.

Prayer of Forgiveness

Righteous Father,

I know that You seek to have us always be in a right relationship with You and sometimes I do things that grieve You. I know that I do and say things that grieve my spouse too so I am asking You to give me the right words to say to be reconciled to my spouse.  I know I have made many mistakes and have asked for forgiveness from them but it seems that it hasn’t restored our marriage to where we’re both in a right relationship with one another and I know You desire us to be in one.  I need Your help.  Please send me Your Spirit to show me what I might have done wrong that I was not even aware of and soften my spouse’s heart to accept my faults and extend forgiveness to me so that we can worship You together in the way that is pleasing to You and in the way You intended a husband and a wife to be joined together in offering You thanksgiving, praise, and honor.  I know that in my own inadequacies I cannot fully understand how to always say the right words or do the right things but it is my desire to be reconciled with my beloved mate and it is in the strong name of and for the glory of the name above all names, Jesus Christ my Lord, Amen.

Prayer of Blessing

Great God in heaven,

I am asking You for Your forgiveness for things that I have done to You that are clearly sinful for I am surely not sinless (1 John 1:8-10) and forgive me for those things that I have obviously done wrong to my spouse to hurt them and cause them pain.   I am asking You to bless my spouse and help them to understand how far I fall short of the perfect spouse and I pray for Your help in knowing how I can help to restore this relationship and make it more of the way You originally intended for us to have a right relationship with one another and with You.  I know that my prayers have sometimes been hindered because of my own stubborn heart and unwillingness to be a greater servant of my spouse and to love them in the way that You have loved me, even dying for me while I was Your enemy (Rom 5:10) and a sinner (Rom 5:9).  Please extend to me Your mercy and grace and allow me to treat my spouse in the way that You love me unconditionally and not treat them the way that I often do.  I need Your help in doing these things and again, bless my spouse and I thank You for my spouse and for Your forgiveness, love, and grace and in the precious name of the Savior, Jesus Christ I pray, Amen.

Prayer of Reconciliation

Father in heaven,

You have reconciled me to Yourself through Your Son’s precious blood and so I am begging You to help me be reconciled to my beloved spouse.  Only You can change the human heart (Prov 21:1) so I ask You to change my heart to be one that seeks to humble myself and seek reconciliation in my relationship with my mate.  Too often I speak without thinking and I know my words hurt my spouse but this is no excuse for the things that I speak to them.  I ask for Your Spirit to be sent to help us be reconciled with one another as Your Son’s precious blood was shed for our being reconciled to You (2 Cor 5:18; Col 1:20).  This I pray for Your Son’s most holy name and for His glory, Amen.

Prayer of Restoration

God,

You are in the restoration business; restoring me by giving me Your Spirit.  You have made me into a new creation in Christ (2 Cor 5:17) and I am pleading with You to help me restore this marital relationship with my beloved spouse.  How often have I done things out of pure selfish ambition and gain?  I cannot count the times where I was only looking out for my own interests and not that of my spouse.  Please forgive me for my selfishness and help our relationship be restored to the way it previously was.  I need Your help in doing this because I don’t always know the right thing to say or do and I lack Your wisdom in acting out of a sincere and genuine heart that is motivated only by serving my spouse and loving them in the way that You love me.  What more can I do to help in restoring this relationship to where You would have it be?  Help me to think, act, and speak in ways that would reflect Your own love and for this I pray in the precious name of the Great Son of God, Jesus Christ, Amen.

Prayer of Repentance

Father,

I repent of my sins and my sins against my spouse.  I am so sorry and I need to tell You and my spouse that I have sinned.  Let me be humble in approaching them by telling them that I have sinned against them by the way that I have acted or by the words that I have used.  I know that I don’t always treat my spouse in the way that I am supposed to because there are many times that I am still more concerned about myself more than I am my spouse.  I need to esteem my spouse, to cherish my spouse, and to extend to them the same grace and mercy that You extended to me, even though I didn’t deserve it.  Help me to understand that I cannot fix relationships on my own.  Only Your Spirit can give me a tenderer heart and please soften my spouses heart too so that they can accept my apologies and to let them know that I often act out of impulse and pride.  Help me to know the right words to say to them so that I can show them that I have a repentant heart and seek to be reconciled to them in our relationship because the relationship between a husband and wife is supposed to reflect that of the relationship that Jesus Christ has with me and with the church.  For this I pray for the Son of God’s glory and in His name, Amen.

Final Thoughts

Maybe you’ve prayed such a prayer before.  I know I have and I also know that I’ll need to again being I am a fallen creature.  I need God’s help in knowing how to pray and how to seek forgiveness and to love my spouse in a way that shows her that I do and not just depend on words alone.  Can you comment by giving us your own prayer so that we might know what to pray and how to pray it?

Take a look at some Bible verses about marriage: Bible Verses About Marriage

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Tagged as: Prayers, reconciliation, Relationships, spouses

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