by A (M)
I thank you for the blessing of another child and for the healthy children you have given me. I ask that you give me strength and patience as a blunder through this gift of motherhood. I pray that in your ultimate wisdom you have chosen this time to gift me with a baby girl so that I may have the same special bond that my mother and I share. I want so des partly to hold a baby girl and teach a baby girl.
I want To have that relationship that only mothers and daughters have. Again I thank you for my healthy boys and for this child to be healthy and a girl. So that I may touch her life in the same way that my mother has blessed mine.
I’ve been spending a lot of time the last few weeks reading through the blogs of other women who struggle with infertility. They are their personal stories of grief, pain, struggle, becoming warriors, and for many, eventually becoming mothers. Many of them never stop fighting and never stop believing in their miracle, until, eventually, they get it!
I love reading the faith-based blogs where these women spill their hearts out to God and profess their faith in His goodness. I also love reading about how some of them research fertility diets, eliminate toxins, and do prayer and mind-body work.
Occasionally, however, I’ll come across one that says something like, “We’ve decided not to worry about a special diet or acupuncture or anything- if it is God’s will, then we’ll get pregnant.”
Whenever I hear this I always think about the metaphor of the man who prayed to win the lottery.
The poor man goes to church every day and prays, “Please, God, please, please, please . . . let me win the lottery!” This prayer goes on for months. Every day it is the same, “Please, please, God, let me win the lottery!” Finally, God can’t take it anymore, and his voice booms across the church in frustration, “My son, please, please, please . . . BUY A LOTTERY TICKET!”
Do I believe that ultimately our miracles come from God? Yes, without a doubt. But do I believe we should lie back and count on Him to do all the work? Um, no. We have to SHOW UP. We have to SHOW UP every single blessed day to do the good work to manifest our miracle.
I think that God expects us to participate relentlessly in the manifestation of our own blessings. I think that God blessed us with brains, spirit, and mountains of challenge, precisely so we could learn how to climb!
What does this mean?
- It means that once we know that there are fertility-harming chemicals and toxins out there, we are obligated to work relentlessly to eliminate them from our household and our lives. We do this for our fertility and health, and the health of our families. No excuses.
- It means that once we realize that there is an optimal fertility diet for us, we commit to it passionately, dedicating ourselves to becoming the healthiest, most nourished vessel for a baby that we possibly can by. God will give us the strength to do it, but we must have the motivation.
- It means that once we have been educated and know that mind-body techniques like mindfulness, gratitude, meditation, yoga, and acupuncture can help us become more fertile, we commit to these practices. God has provided us with these blessings- it is up to us to benefit from them.
- It means that once we learn about ways to maximize our chances of conception, and other fertility-friendly habits, we do them relentlessly.
- It means that we constantly empower ourselves by taking charge of our baby journey and constantly researching and finding out more information on how to heal ourselves.
- And, above all, it means we pray. We continue to seek a direct and meaningful relationship with God (whatever form He or She might take for you). We know EXACTLY what we want and we ask for it directly.
Elizabeth Gilbert says in one of my favorite books, Eat Pray Love,
Prayer is a relationship; half the job is mine. If I want transformation, but can’t even be bothered to articulate what, exactly, I’m aiming for, how will it ever occur? Half the benefit of prayer is in the asking itself, in the offering of a clearly posed and well-considered intention. If you don’t have this, all your pleas and desires are boneless, floppy, inert; they swirl at your feet in a cold fog and never lift.”
When I started my fertility journey my prayers would be mushy. I would say something like, “Please, God, let me be a mother.”
“Please, God, let my husband and I become parents.”
Not very specific, huh? God could have been like, cool, you’ll adopt in 15 years, no problem. It was actually the Fertile Heart program that helped me realize EXACTLY what I wanted. I wanted to naturally conceive and carry to term a healthy child (not via IVF or donor eggs). I also wanted them to have a healthy, happy, and long life. So that is what I prayed for.
“Please, God, heal my ovaries, my womb, and my eggs. Please, God, let me naturally conceive from my husband’s sperms a healthy baby. Let me carry that baby to term and let them lead a happy and healthy life.”
See the difference?
I still knew that I was willing to try other routes to become a mom- no one could stop me from becoming a mother except for me. But, I also asked for exactly what I wanted.
And you know what? It worked. In about two months- after two years of miscarriages, struggle, and grief, I got pregnant naturally. My baby is now almost two years old. Read my miracle story here.
Now, your goal might be different. You might just want to have a baby, and you don’t really care if it is by IVF or not. You might not care if you use donor eggs or not. Ultimately, you might just want to be a mom, and adoption is fine with you. Or, maybe you only want a baby if you can conceive them naturally.
Whatever you want is legit. It’s your story. It’s your “personal legend” as Paulo Coelho talks about it in his inspirational book The Alchemist. Determine what it is. Ask for it. Work for it. SHOW UP.
Lest I fail to address this important point- just because we ask for exactly what we want doesn’t always mean that we get it. But, it’s important that we ask. I had been afraid to ask God for exactly what I wanted because I feared great suffering if I didn’t receive it. Somehow I thought it would be worse to have asked for a naturally conceived child if I wound up adopting.
But you know what? The fear of the suffering is usually worse than the suffering itself. In the end, no one could stop me from becoming a mother. Yes, my preference was for a naturally conceived child, and I asked for it. Had God gently said, “Sorry, I have other plans for you,” I would have listened. We would have tried other options, adopted. We might still try other options or adoption.
But this isn’t my story- it’s yours.
Do you know what you want?
Write it below in the comments. Tell the universe exactly what it is you want!!
Does your heart melt every time you see a teeny tiny pink frilly tutu? Of course it does, that’s why you’re here – you’re wondering how to conceive a girl.
In truth, there is no way to naturally determine the sex of your baby.
There are two scientific methods that claim some degree of success for gender selection, but these methods are contradictory in nature and may not work for you.
Of course, the most important thing is a healthy baby.
How To Conceive A Girl
If you want to try to conceive a girl, here are 9 tips:
How To Conceive A Girl Tip #1: The Shettles Method
This method has been around since the 1960s, and claims a 75 percent success rate for couples hoping to conceive a girl.
Dr Shettles believed that the most important factor in gender determination, was timing. The baby’s gender is determined by the chromosome carrying sperm.
Boy sperm swim faster, but survive for shorter periods of time than their female producing counterparts.
Girl sperm are stronger and more resilient, yet swim slower than boy sperm.
According to the Shettles method, you should have sex two to four days before ovulation if you are hoping to conceive a girl. By the time ovulation occurs, only the girl sperm should be left to fertilise the egg.
Dr Shettles advises that if you wish to conceive a girl, you should avoid intercourse when you have clear, egg-yolk like vaginal mucus, as this is a sure sign of ovulation.
It should be noted, however, that avoiding intercourse during this time can reduce your likelihood of conceiving at all.
How To Conceive A Girl Tip #2: The Whelan Method
The other commonly used method was created by Dr Whelan, and claims a 57 percent success rate for couples who wish to conceive a girl.
Dr Whelan’s theory has slightly different timings, and to have a girl, she advises you to have sex two to three days before ovulation. For a boy, she suggests four to six days pre-ovulation to be the peak time.
The Whelan and Shettles method are contradictory, and both have cheerleaders claiming success, but it is difficult to judge whether these successes were truly a result of the method, or simply that the outcome remained the same regardless of the method used.
There is a limited amount of research in existence to support the two methods above. For the advice below, however, the proof is even harder to come by.
The following factors are often cited by couples claiming to have successfully determined their baby’s sex, but there is no scientific proof to back up these statements.
The following factors may in fact just be myths circulating of how to conceive a girl.
How To Conceive A Girl Tip #3: Make It Your Mission
To conceive a boy, deep penetration is key, but for a girl, the opposite is true. Having sex in the missionary position is said to increase your chance of conceiving a girl, because it limits the depth of penetration.
This in turn, restricts how close to the cervix, the sperm are ejaculated. Boy sperm swim very fast for short periods, so by preventing deep penetration, you may be able to prevent the boy sperm from reaching and fertilising the egg.
How To Conceive A Girl Tip #4: No Orgasm
It is also claimed that avoiding orgasm may be the key to conceiving a girl. The female orgasm releases an alkaline secretion which may help boy sperm to survive longer, by creating a less hostile environment.
Without these secretions, boy sperm may find it harder to survive, and have less chance of reaching the egg.
How To Conceive A Girl Tip #5: More Sex
Rather than restricting your sex life to specific times, when trying for a girl you should aim to have more sex. In the days leading up to your key conception time, you should have as much sex as possible.
This will reduce your partner’s sperm count, and mean there are less fast-swimming boy sperm available to join the race for fertilisation.
How To Conceive A Girl Tip #6: Veg Out
According to one study, eating more fruit and vegetables can improve your chances of conceiving a girl. Some people believe a vegetarian diet can help you to conceive a girl, especially if you eat foods such as spinach, nuts and broccoli.
Foods naturally high in calcium and magnesium, such as leafy greens, fruits and rice, are also said to be good for conceiving girls.
How To Conceive A Girl Tip #7: Acid House
Another food related tip, is to eat acidic foods in the days leading up to ovulation. Male sperm are less able to survive in acidic environments, and eating acidic foods can actually alter the pH of your vagina.
However, bear in mind that it’s actually unhealthy for your body to be in an acidic state. If you still want to try, stock up on soda, vinegar and chocolate.
Some people believe you should also avoid eating alkaline foods such as apples, almonds, cucumbers and avocado (all very important foods nutritionally) in the run up to ovulation.
Having a healthy baby and enough folate in your body to avoid neural tube defects should be more important.
How To Conceive A Girl Tip #8: Low Salt
A low salt diet, as well as being healthier, is also said to improve your chances of conceiving a girl.
Try cutting out salted meats, olives, blue cheeses and processed food while you are trying to conceive.
You should also restrict the amount of salt used during cooking, a skill that will be useful during pregnancy too.
How To Conceive A Girl Tip #9: Bath Time
Some people believe that boy sperm are heat-averse, and so having a bath prior to sex may help to weaken the male sperm awaiting release. A soak in a hot tub would work just as well too.
For most couples, the most important factor for conception is achieving a healthy baby.
If you long for a girl, you can try the above methods, but remember there is little to no scientific evidence for most.
While there may be plenty of anecdotal evidence about, this doesn’t necessarily mean they will work for you. Some of them, particularly the timing methods, may actually reduce your chances of conception.
Gender Swaying Books
If you’d like to go more in-depth into gender swaying, grab a copy of Doctor Shettles best selling book, How to Choose the Sex of Your Baby.
Want to find out what’s said to be favourable for conceiving a boy? See our article on How To Conceive A Boy.