Healing the Pain of an Affair…
Has your life been gripped by the agony of adultery? Has your life been forever changed because of the snare of an affair? Marriage was God’s idea. A lifelong commitment to the marriage is God’s requirement. According to His Word, God will judge those who break the marriage covenant. The painful lessons of adultery are taught only too well in the story of the most famous adulterer in history, King David. The fact that David is remembered as a great king and a man after God’s own heart (1 Samuel 13:14) shows the completeness of God’s healing after a terrible affair. But David had to deal with the consequences of his disobedience—family crimes, political upheaval, violence, and death—all the days of his life.
“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” -Hebrews 13:4
Q: “My husband was unfaithful to me last year. Is it possible for me to ever trust him again? Is it possible for him to change?”
It is possible for your husband to regain your trust. First he must develop a godly sorrow over his lack of commitment to you and the marriage covenant. Then he needs to identify the key that opened the door to adultery. By both admitting and understanding his weaknesses, he could receive major help to prevent him from walking through that door again. Pray that he will see his sin as God sees it and hate his sin as God hates it. It is entirely possible for God to change anyone who is willing to have a changed heart.
“Nothing will be impossible with God.” -Luke 1:37
Q: “How should I pray for my husband, who has left me and is involved in an adulterous relationship?”
Your husband needs to be convicted so that he will see his need to turn from his sinful lifestyle to a sacrificial lifestyle that brings glory to God. Rather than praying for God to bless him, pray that God will withhold blessings from him until he repents. Pray that your husband can’t help but be miserable . . . that he would have such a heaviness of heart— such piercing guilt—that he would be driven out of the arms of this other woman and into the arms of God. Ask God to bring whatever sorrow is necessary to bring him back to his senses and bring him to his knees before God.
“Godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.” -2 Corinthians 7:10
Key Verses to Memorize
For the faithful partner:
“Your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called.” -Isaiah 54:5
For the unfaithful partner:
“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” -1 Corinthians 6:18
Key Passage to Read and Reread
For the faithful partner:
For the unfaithful partner:
Click here for the PDF version of the complete Adultery & Infidelity Resource Guide provided by Hope for the Heart.
Things happen in your life to teach you valuable lessons. Some of those things will be actions that you inflict on yourself and other elements will be out of your control. No matter if you committed a sin or not, it’s imperative that you walk away from every circumstance with wisdom and an idea of how this situation can make you a better human being.
There is a lot of scripture that addresses sin and how Christians can rise above difficult times in life. 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” The notion that God forgives his children for their mistakes is even seen in Revelation 3:19 where it states, “Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So earnest and repent.” Therefore, the key to finding peace and the energy to move forward is by admitting your sin – without any reservations or excuses.
Cheating is hurtful and can effect more than just the partners in a relationship. Children, family members on each side, and friends are deeply affected by infidelity. While there is no way to turn back time and choose to be faithful instead, there is one invaluable resource that can always be called upon – prayer. Inside you’re broken and probably beating yourself up. Your whole life is being turned upside down and you’re wondering ‘How did I get to this point?’ Ultimately, you’ll need to figure this out. You’ll need to undergo some serious soul searching to discover what choices or internal issues you have that caused you to be unfaithful. In order to begin the healing process, for you and your family, you’ll need to discover a forgive me prayer for the cheating spouse.
During this period of your life you will need prayer and faith more than ever. You’ll find that prayer will provide you with the hope for a new beginning and the reassurance that the end is not right around the corner. It’s important to recognize what drove you to cheat and evaluate your spouse’s feelings. A prayer to ask the Lord for forgiveness and to guide you and your spouse is crucial.
“I will exalt You, my God the King; I will praise Your name for ever and ever. Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; His greatness no one can fathom. The LORD is near to me and I call on You, in truth. Hear my prayer, O Lord; let my cry for help come to You. Do not hide Your face from me when I am in distress. Turn Your ear to me; when I call, answer me quickly. You will fulfill the desires of those who fear You; You hear my cry and save me and my spouse.
Lord, I have faith in God, and You said, “If anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Lord, You know my mountain of circumstances in my marriage. So I am believing You, that whatever I ask for in prayer, that I believe that I have received it, and it will be mine. And when I stand praying, if I hold anything against anyone, I forgive them, so that my Father in heaven may forgive me of my sins. Lord, with man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.”
Give your spouse time to forgive. Be patient because there are many steps in the forgiveness process – one of those crucial steps is first forgiving yourself. Sometimes we can be our most difficult critic, and admitting that can help to move mountains. Put your faith in God and allow him to steer the course. He will provide the reassurance you’ll need to move past the cheating and will instill the comfort your partner needs during this challenging time. Understand that matters are out of your control and in the hands of the Lord Jesus Christ. As you recite your prayers for forgiveness, invite your partner to join – odds are they need prayer and strength just as much as you do.
Another great forgive me prayer for the cheating spouse is:
“Lord of Miracles, We come before you and lay this marriage in your hands. We ask that you would revive this husband and this wife, and draw them toward happy matrimony.
We ask that you would renew their love and passion for one another. We ask that you would untangle the conflicts and strife, and heal the hurts.
We ask that you would bring understanding and tenderness of heart. May they both embrace the miracle that you desire to do for them and with them. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.”
This prayer, again, reinforces the idea of commitment – which is imperative in any relationship. As a follower of Jesus Christ, you must ask the Lord to renew your love and passion for each other. Even though there may be layers and layers of hurt and frustration, it’s important to rediscover and reevaluate what brought the two of you together in the first place. Asking the Lord for guidance will equip you both with the strength to get through the infidelity. Moreover, prayer is the first step towards real forgiveness for yourself, partner, family, and friends. Acknowledging your affair and accepting the consequences that go along with your actions will allow you to move forward in your life.
We’re called to pray about everything. So what should prayer for a husband look like?
Last month a Boundless reader asked for a guide to praying for her future husband. She wanted practical help that would pick up where “
” left off.
It’s proved a little harder to write this than I first thought it would. Maybe it’s because I didn’t start praying specific prayers for a husband until after I met Steve. Or maybe it’s because I realize that though most people eventually do marry, not everyone who wants to marry will. Still, we’re called to pray — about everything. So what should prayer for a husband look like?
Being, not feeling, thankful
My mom used to encourage me with Matthew 6:33 when I’d call (at least once a week) to complain about still being single. She always took me back to that verse: “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” She even encouraged me to give thanks for the difficult circumstances.
“Give thanks for not having anyone ask me out?” I’d say, with not just a little anger and emotion. “Yes,” she’d say gently, but firmly. “Thank God for this opportunity to praise Him, to grow in your faith, to grow in your dependence on Him. Give thanks for the things you most want Him to change.”
The Bible says,
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6-7).
We’re supposed to ask for a husband humbly (that’s what supplication means) and with thanksgiving. I know how hard it can be to give thanks in the midst of doubt, fear, broken relationships, disappointment and more. How can you feel thankful when you’re hurt, angry and frustrated?
Thankfully, we don’t have to feel it. The verse just says give thanks. When I most need that verse — when I’m anxious — saying “thank you” always starts as an act of the will. And often I have to pray for the grace to do that! But obedience has the benefit of producing good fruit.
“Seek first, His kingdom,” she’d say. And I’d cry, and we’d pray, and the more I did that, the more I submitted my unmet longings to Him. My pain led me to pray, and giving thanks protected me from bitterness. Spending time talking with God created the opportunity for Him to soften my heart, shaping my desires to conform to His. My heart needed to soften, primarily because my pride was keeping me from being like Him.
I don’t know what changes God wants to make in you. We’re all different. But there is great work to be done. None of us are perfect. We all stumble in many ways (James 3:2) and we all have areas where we need to be more like Him. If you daily submit to His process, even in the pain, He will change you.
Thy will be done
What if God answers your prayers differently than you want Him to? He is able to transform the desires of your heart to align with His, and to satisfy you, completely. We may never be able to understand this with our finite minds, but the Holy Spirit makes it possible to grasp it in our spirits, so that we may pray with Jesus, “Thy will be done.”
I’m amazed that God doesn’t ask us to begin there, or require us to deny that we have real requests and desires. Not only does Philippians 4:6 instruct us to “let requests be made known to God,” Jesus modeled that in His prayer in the garden. Paul E. Miller talks about this in his book, A Praying Life:
Read the gospels, and you’ll discover a passionate, feeling man. Thank God we have a Savior who is in touch with the real world, who prays that He will not drink the cup of His Father’s wrath, who cries out on a rough wooden cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me” (Matthew 27:46). Jesus neither suppresses His feelings nor lets them master Him. He is real.
It was only after He prayed, “if there is any way, let this cup pass,” that He prayed, “not my will, but yours be done.”
The whole point of prayer is to grow in relationship with God. The more we talk and listen, the more He shapes the conversation. As we grow closer to Him, our desires shift from what we want — what we think we most need — to what He does. His desires become our desires.
As David Platt writes in his book, Radical,
gift of grace involves the gift of a new heart. New desires. New longings. For the first time, we want God. We see our need for him, and we love him. We seek after him, and we find him, and we discover that he is indeed the great reward for our salvation…. e are saved to know God. So we yearn for him.
Faith despite numbers
Some 70 to 80 percent of high school seniors say marriage is extremely important. And 80 to 90 percent of Americans eventually marry. But what if the 20 percent who don’t value marriage doesn’t comprise the 20 percent who don’t marry? What if some of the people who don’t marry really wanted to? How do we reconcile what’s statistically probable with what’s supernaturally possible?
I talked about this before in “Plenty of Men to Go Around.” Peter wasn’t supposed to be able to walk on water. And when he made that fact his focus, along with the storm and treacherous waves around him, he did what you’d expect. He sank. But when he fixed his eyes on Christ, he did the unexpected.
For many women, getting married would seem just as miraculous. Praise God that He hasn’t changed — He’s still the same wonder-working God who walked with Peter on the water. He still does the unexpected. But we have to do our part. We have to keep our eyes on Him. In the process, He may change our attitudes, our expectations, our habits, our health — whatever needs changing. He can do anything — He’s God. You can trust Him and count on Him. He is faithful.
Faithful, but not predictable. Things may not turn out how you want. In C.S. Lewis’ The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, Susan asked Mr. Beaver about Aslan saying, “Is he — quite safe?” Mr. Beaver replied, “Safe? Who said anything about safe? Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.” You can know that wherever your journey with Him leads, it will be good.
Believe God is able. Trust Him. But know that believing and trusting aren’t the same as setting yourself up for bitter disappointment if He doesn’t answer you the way you hope He will. God is calling us to faith, like Shadrach, Mesach and Abednego, who said,
O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up (Daniel 3:16-18).
The God we serve is able to bring you a husband. But even if He does not, will you be faithful?
We should always pray
When I first started writing this article, I was thinking in terms of a list of traits to ask for and specific verses to pray. But the more I wrote and prayed, the more I realized that God’s leading in our prayer life is individualized. Each of us is unique and His work in us differs from person to person. That’s not to say you can’t pray for a godly husband who meets the requirements of the “husband verses.” The “husband verses” are the passages that lay out the job description husbands are called to. They include Ephesians 5:22-28, Colossians 3:18-19 and 1 Peter 3:1-7. They’re the standard for what makes a good mate. As you read them, you’ll realize men aren’t the only ones who need prayer. Don’t just pray for your future husband, pray for yourself — the future wife. A big part of marriage prep for women is praying through the “wife verses,” especially Proverbs 31 and Titus 2, with your future calling in mind. I think you should.
But I also think you should ask God to show you how to pray given your story and this particular moment in history. This morning, I was praying about this article and wondering how God might lead me to pray if I were still single. I realized that before I could pray for a husband, I’d need to pray that this generation of men would be transformed by God’s power to rise up as men capable of the commitments of marriage.
Given all the bad news about men: the tough economy, the disparities in education between men and women, the lack of role models, and other fallout of the divorce epidemic, it occurred to me that even before we arrive at praying for men as suitors, we need to pray for men as our brothers in Christ. They are, many of them, limping spiritually. I believe we should be asking God to raise up a generation of godly men who are not only willing to take on the challenge and calling of being godly husbands and fathers, but able to.
Whatever season of life you’re in, you need to pray because prayer is about relationship with God. Whether single and praying about your desire for a husband; or later, if you’re married, praying about your desire for a baby; or praying for your (or your husband’s) need for a job; or if you never do marry, praying about serving faithfully while celibate, the need to pray never ends. Jesus told His disciples they should “always pray and not give up.” It’s never too soon, or too late, to start.
Copyright 2010 Candice Watters. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.
Pray for a Good Husband Are You Searching for the Right Man? Here’s How to Pray and Get Results!
Learning how to pray for a husband is not as complicated as it may seem. One of the biggest myths of the day is that there is a great shortage of ‘good’ men. It’s not that there is a shortage of good men, many women are searching for good men in all the wrong places.
If you’re searching for a good man, you probably won’t find him at school, work, on the train, the mall or your church (I’ll explain why later).
Before you continue your search for a husband, take a deep breath and relax – if you are alive, you still have time. Here are 6 easy steps that worked for me when I prayed for a husband.
Step 1: Write your prayer request on paper. When I was praying for a husband, I decided to write my request on paper to God. There is something special about writing to God on paper. It’s like you’re pouring your heart out to Him.
Then you’re going to pray the request back to God. For example, let’s say you wrote: “Dear God, please help me to find the right husband.” You’re going to read and pray your request back to Him.
Now, I have to be honest, I probably wrote God more than a dozen letters about finding a husband until He finally answered my prayers. So, if God doesn’t answer you immediately, don’t give up hope. He hears your prayers – even on paper. Remember, His time is not our time.
Important Note: In your letter to God, make sure you are very specific on the type of husband you want. For instance:
1. A Godly man.
2. A man who will love me.
3. A man with a good sense of humor.
4. A man that is handsome, but with a good personality.
5. A man who will never abuse me.
6. A dedicated man that will never leave me.
7. A man that has a strong relationship with Christ.
This is just a sample list. Feel free to use it – you can make your list as long as you desire.
Step 2: Fold your letter up and pray over it. This doesn’t have to be a long prayer, just a short prayer like: “Lord, I believe you will answer my prayers.”
Ask God to Send a Good Husband
Step 3: Bury the letter in the ground. Yes, I know. This may sound a bit strange. After all that work you’re going to bury the letter? In reality, I started burying my prayer request letters in the ground, at the beach, after I got married. I did something a little unorthodox when I was single (like this isn’t). Now, it’s important to note that when I started praying to God for a husband, I was very young, so my tactics were a bit odd.
I would write letters to God, pray over them and throw them out the window while riding down the road in a car. This may sound funny to you, but I truly felt that God would send an angel to report the details of the letter back to Heaven. Then He would answer them.
As I matured in Christ, He revealed to me that He read the details of my request even before the ink from my pen dried on the paper.
Step 4: Ask others to pray for a husband for you. When two or more people are gathered for prayer, God is in the midst (Matthew 18:20). Just make sure you choose people that can actually get a prayer through. There is no point in asking someone to pray for you and they never seem to get their prayers answered.
Keep in mind, the person that you ask for prayer doesn’t have to be married. I remember asking anyone that I knew who could get a prayer through. I personally asked the elderly mothers in the church who got their prayers answered from God.
If you decide to ask a minister in your church to pray for you, make sure you are specific. Don’t just say, “Pray that I find a man.” That sounds too desperate. Say something like: “Pray that I find the ‘right’ husband,” or “Pray that God helps me to find a good husband.”
Also, never walk up to a prophet or minister out of the blue and say: “Pray that I get a husband.”
I tried that once when I was single with a prophet that came to our church to preach. I thought that he would prophecy about my future husband. I assumed that he would say: “God told me that you are going to get married soon.”
I was totally wrong. Instead, he said, “Oh, okay.” Then he walked away. I was so embarrassed. Thank goodness no one was around to hear my desperate plea.
Save yourself the embarrassment and don’t make the same mistake I did.
God has someone for you.
Step 5: Pray without ceasing. Pray daily until God answers your prayers like in: 1 Thessalonians 5:17. Just make sure that this isn’t your only prayer. It’s sort of rude to come to the Creator and beg Him for a husband as soon as you wake up in the morning. Also, when you pray, ask God to prepare you to be a good wife. Often times, some women will pray for a husband, but they won’t prepare themselves spiritually for a husband.
Step 6: Don’t assume that the first man you meet is the right ‘one’. Remember, Satan knows that you’re in the market for a husband. So, he will try to distract you by sending the wrong men. Just because a man is a Christian, pastor or a good choir boy doesn’t mean he’s the one that God has for you. After I asked God to help me find a husband, I ran into a few milk duds along the way. Years later, I looked them up on Facebook and I am SOOOOOO glad I didn’t get involved with them.
It’s very important that you seek God for a husband. When you meet a potential mate, He will let you know whether or not your prospective husband is the one.
Also, it’s important to know that God isn’t predictable. I assumed that I would meet my husband at my church. I imagined him walking in one Sunday morning. I lived about 50 miles away from my church. My future husband lived only 15-20 minutes away from where I lived at the time. So, you never know where you will meet your future husband.
Bonus: Leave it in God’s hands. When you have prayed for God to find a husband, trust in Him completely. Don’t worry about when, where or how you’re going to meet him. The moment that I stopped stressing over when I was going to meet the right one, that’s when God stepped in and introduced me to the love of my life. We have been married for 16 happy years.
So, if you feel super anxious about finding a husband, I understand how you feel. I was afraid that I would not meet the right man because I was told there was a shortage of men. That is simply not the case. If it is in God’s plan for you to get married, you will eventually get married.
This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.