Praying for your wife

Note from the Editor: Because of his profession in the public eye, my good friend has chosen to write this anonymously. However, the insight in this article is incredible, and something all men can learn from. Enjoy.

praying for your wife

There are so many blogs and articles out there geared toward girls and women on praying for their future spouses, but almost none geared specifically toward men… so we thought we’d help fill that gap a bit and offer a little advice for single guys on how to pray for your future wife as you navigate the single life.

Being a single guy in Los Angeles, I’ve had my fair share of relationship highs and lows over the years. Beautiful women are abundant in this place, probably more so than any other city in the world. They’re at every street corner, every coffee shop, every bar, and of course… in every casting office. Makes me think of a famous line written by the 18th century English poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge, which says: “Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink.

This city has an overabundance of beautiful women, but that doesn’t mean that most of them are suitable for you to bring home and introduce to your Mama. In LA, and in many other places, it can seem to be a daunting task to not only find a great gal, but one who also happens to be a great fit for you as well.  So… how do we solve this dilemma? How do we find the right woman for us?

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God Can Help You Find Your Future Wife

Through my dating and relationship experiences, I’ve realized one thing: I’m never going to find the right woman for me if I take on this seemingly monumental task on my own. After my last relationship ended, leaving my mind and heart wounded, I realized I needed to change my entire approach. Sure, I’ve prayed many times for my future wife over the years, even prayed for attributes that I hoped she would have, what she might be like, etc etc… but as I’ve been growing deeper into my faith this year especially, I realized that my approach to these prayers needed a shift.

Shifting Your Prayer Focus

In the book of Genesis, God tells us “It is not good for man to be alone.” Proverbs also tells us “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.” But more importantly, Matthew 6:33 tells us to “Seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Admittedly, this last verse is the one that I had not been focusing on so much these past few years. Like many of us single men, I’ve been focusing on seeking after what I thought my heart wanted and burned a lot of energy by looking all over the place to try and find the right woman for me. I think like many of us, I haven’t fully trusted God or His timing. I’ve tried to rush Him along. I’ve tried to help him out along the way, and I haven’t always made Him the focus of where I chose to seek.

Praying For The Desires Of Your Heart

Psalm 37:4 says “Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

We can rest in knowing that He put those desires for a wife on our hearts, so this is indeed something good that He wants for us. The root of the word “desire” actually means “of the Father”, which tells us the root of our healthy desires come from our Heavenly Father. God knows what I need, and what you need; better than we even know for ourselves. We should have peace in knowing that whatever great plan we think we have cooked up for our lives, God has something (and someone) even better for us if we just trust in Him and seek Him first.

Seeking God First

As you begin to pray for your future wife, choose to commit your life to seeking God first, and you will start to feel the pressure and the burden of looking for the right girl lift off your shoulders. He will bring His perfect desire to pass in your life. As long as your eyes are on Him first, He won’t steer you in the wrong direction. The more you focus on Him, the more obvious His will for you and your future wife will become. He’ll give you the discernment so that you’ll know it when you meet her. I’ve prayed and asked Him to take away the burden of trying to find the right girl on my own, and have asked Him to bring the right woman across my path in His timing. Since I’ve given that task back to Him, life has just felt a lot brighter, and quite frankly, it’s been a lot more fun too. I’ve also noticed that the more I seek Him and take delight in Him, I’ve begun to forget that I’m actually single. I used to think about my singleness and loneliness quite often (which is probably what sent me chasing after the wrong girls to begin with), but ever since I started genuinely focusing on seeking Him, I’ve found that I’m really enjoying this “bro time” with just God and I until He brings the right woman for me.

Pray For God’s Perfect Timing

As single men, we will one day be married and eventually have children to raise, which means that we will have lots of new responsibilities and our time will be focused heavily on our families. So while you have the time now, take advantage of this moment to get to know God more, and I imagine you will experience a new found happiness and peace just like I have been experiencing. So as you pray for your soon-to-be wife to come into your life, just pray for God’s perfect will and timing in this and I guarantee He won’t let you down. I’m believing in this for my own life, and I fully expect God to deliver on His promises for me, as He will for you.

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Bob: There’s a reason why a lot of husbands just finally give up on regularly praying for their wives. Here’s pastor and author, Voddie Baucham.

Voddie: If we don’t have a plan, and if we don’t know how to pray, we generally will bow and will say, you know, “Lord, I’m just praying for ‘A’’B’’C’ and ‘X’’Y’’Z’ like I do every day”; and I’m praying the same thing that I do about ‘A’’B’’C’ and ‘X’’Y’’Z’ every day. After awhile, we feel like, “Why am I coming to the Lord, saying ‘A’’B’’C’ and ‘X’’Y’’Z’ about the same things every day? I’m being inauthentic.” So we end up not engaging in prayer.

Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Friday, March 15th. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I’m Bob Lepine. So, how do we develop a plan for praying for our wives, as husbands? How can we learn to pray so that it doesn’t just become the same old thing every day? Voddie Baucham has some thoughts for us about that today. Stay with us.

And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition. I’m guessing there may have been only one time this year when, on board a cruise ship, there was a roomful of men who were gathered for the express purpose of learning about and then praying for their wives. That doesn’t typically happen on board Caribbean cruises; do you think?

Ann: Ooh, every wife just thought: “I want to go on that cruise! That’s what I would like.”

Dave: Yes; it should happen; but no, it doesn’t.

Bob: We gathered together—this was a few weeks ago—on board the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise. Voddie Baucham got the men together; and we were in the back ballroom, which is a smaller ballroom. It was a powerful morning, where men were challenged, and equipped, and encouraged to pray for their wives. We’re going to hear some of what Voddie shared with the men on today’s program.

Quickly, I want to remind our listeners—the 2020 Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise next year—February/Valentine’s week—you guys are going to be on board; Mary Ann and I are going to be on board; Dennis and Barbara Rainey will be back and be joining us; Dr. Gary Chapman will be with us; Charlie and Kirstie Dates are going to be on board. We’re still putting the whole package together; but the deal is—70 percent of the cruise is sold-out for next year. If a FamilyLife Today listener wants to join us, now is the time to sign up. For the next couple of weeks—when you register for the cruise and you use the promo code, “CRUISE MADNESS,”—you’ll save $400 per couple on your cabin. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and register, and join us on the 2020 Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise. Plan to be challenged with messages, like this one that we heard, just a few weeks ago, from Voddie Baucham.

Voddie is a pastor—he lives now in Zambia, Africa, and is working—training pastors in Africa. We were thrilled that he was able to join us and be a part of this year’s cruise.

Voddie: When it comes to the subject of prayer, there are a number of things that keep us from praying. One of the things that keeps us from praying is not feeling authentic, because we tend to pray the same things about the same things. That makes us feel like we’re just not being real; it makes us feel like we’re sort of spinning our wheels.

If we don’t have a plan, and if we don’t know how to pray, we generally will bow and will say, you know, “Lord, I’m just praying for ‘A’’B’’C’ and ‘X’’Y’’Z’ like I do every day”; and I’m praying the same thing that I do about ‘A’’B’’C’ and ‘X’’Y’’Z’ every day. After awhile, we feel like, “Why am I coming to the Lord, saying ‘A’’B’’C’ and ‘X’’Y’’Z’ about the same things every day? I’m being inauthentic.” So we end up not engaging in prayer.

Well, let me say a couple of things about that in general and then move into the specifics about praying for our wives. First, let me offer you just a couple of suggestions/or a couple of tools that you can use as it relates to learning how to pray. One thing is this—I want to encourage you to learn, for example, how to pray the Psalms. Praying the Psalms will help you to pray in areas that you wouldn’t normally think to pray.

Let’s talk about how we do that; for example, so if you have your Bibles with you, let’s look at Psalm 14: “The fool says in his heart, ‘There is no God.’ They are corrupt, they do abominable deeds. There is none who does good.” If I’m going to pray this Psalm, I could stop at that first clause, “The fool says in his heart, ‘There is no God.’” I may pray something like, “Lord, please help me with my own foolishness—with those times and moments where I doubt—those times where circumstances come into my life and, even for a brief moment, I question whether or not You’re there.”  I’m using the Psalm here as sort of my guideline.

“They are corrupt; they do abominable deeds,”—now, I’m getting more specific: “Sometimes, in my lack of faith, there are things that I do that are an absolute abomination to You. Father, forgive me.” And then I can get specific; right?—“Here are some things that I have done…”

What are the benefits of this? There are a number of benefits of this. Number one, I’m praying ideas that are biblical ideas—I’m letting God guide me / letting God’s Word guide me to pray ideas that are biblical. Secondly, I am looking into the crevices and recesses of my own heart that I wouldn’t normally look into.

Let me give you another thing that you can use. The Bible’s really clear about a number of areas of prayer: “Pray for one another,”—that’s one of the things that’s clear in Scripture—we’re to pray for one another. “Pray for kings and those in authority,”—find out who those people are who represent you—pray for those people. Pray for those who lead and feed the flock. “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few,”—the Bible says that we should be praying for the harvest and for laborers to be sent.

So, on the one hand, “I really don’t know how to pray,”—“Okay; fine. Use the Psalms as a guide to help you learn how to pray.” “I really don’t know what to pray for,”—“Okay; fine. Now, we have some categories, where we can know and understand what to pray for.”

But this session is specifically about praying for one individual in one of those categories; and that is, praying for your wife. With that in mind, let’s look at a couple of passages of Scripture. Let’s look first at one that connects this idea of our relationship with our wives and our leadership of our wives with the idea of prayer. Go to 1 Peter, Chapter 3:

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do no obey the Word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or clothing you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him “lord.” And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Now, again, let that just sort of settle on you for awhile—what it is to which your wife has been called, as your wife / this submission and this trust to which she’s been called, as your wife.

Then look here at verse 7: “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

There is an inexorable link between your relationship with your wife and your relationship with your God in prayer. You are not going to have a successful prayer life, where you are going like gangbusters with your intimacy with God, and yet neglecting your intimacy with your wife. Number one, this ought to lead us to dependence. I don’t know about you; but when I look at 1 Peter 3—right?—and I look at verses 1-6, and I look at the submission to which my wife has been called, this doesn’t make me stick out my chest and go, “Yes; you see that?!” It kind of makes me go: “Wait a minute. I’m carrying that?” If it doesn’t—man, check yourself. If this doesn’t give you pause, when you recognize the burden that you bear as a husband, then check yourself. You’re not understanding this rightly; you’re not reading this rightly.

There’s a second thing that we need to see. Look at Ephesians, Chapter 5—and we’ll come back to Ephesians, Chapter 5 again:

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of His body.

Now, we see that picture—that our love for our wives is pictured in the likeness of Christ’s love for His bride, the church—that is the theological picture. We have this theological reality of the connection of our prayer relationship with God and our relationship with our wife/connected to our headship with our wife. Now, we see this theological reality of our overall relationship with our wives—this picture of marriage being a picture of the relationship between Christ and His bride, the church—our love for our wives being likened unto this picture of Christ and His love for His bride.

Now, one more passage. Look at Romans, Chapter 8—building on this idea from Ephesians, Chapter 5—beginning in verse 26:

Likewise, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words, and He who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints, according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, in order that He might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom He predestined He also called, those whom He called He also justified, and those whom He justified He also glorified.

Now, verse 31. Now, look—we’re talking about prayer still and intercession—the Spirit interceding for us:

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also, with Him, graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died; more than that, who was raised, who is”—here it is—“at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.

That’s the picture! If you want to know if it’s legitimate to expect that husbands would pray for their wives, here is the theological answer to that question; because here’s a picture of Christ’s redeeming work for us, his bride. There’s a picture of Christ being given by the Father for us—being given by the Father to us—giving His life for us, which, according to Ephesians, Chapter 5, is the picture/is the model; right? And then, in addition to that, He is seated at the right hand of the Father; and He is interceding for us. It’s part of his redemptive work—interceding for us—interceding for His bride. So if I’m going to love my bride like Christ loves His bride, I am going to intercede for her.

Audience: Amen!

Voddie: There’s the picture. Now, we shall never attain to that; but by God’s grace and for God’s glory, we strive.

With these theological realities, there are a few things here that I want to give you by way of giving you practical examples and practical instruction on praying for your wife. I think the first thing, when it comes to us praying for our wives, is that we need to be put in the posture/the right posture of praying for our wives. I would encourage you to read the first six verses of 1 Peter, Chapter 3; and pray and ask the Lord to help you to understand how difficult it is for your wife to be put in that position.

Look at verse 7, and pray that the Lord will cause you to look at your wife as the weaker vessel. Look at Romans, Chapter 8—and this picture of Christ as intercessor—and ask the Lord, by His grace, to grant you that mindset. When you read these, pray that God will put your heart in a posture to pray for your wife in light of the calling that He’s placed on you, as a husband, and not just in a response to circumstances.

Secondly, when we pray for our wives, we ought always to be mindful of their greatest need; and their greatest need is Christ and to be conformed to His image. Number one—I’m praying for my wife; but first, I want to make sure that I’m praying for my wife, understanding my role and what this is all about—and then secondly, I want to pray for my wife, understanding that my greatest desire for her has to be her being conformed to the image of Christ. Now, we can look at some specific things.

In Ephesians, Chapter 5:

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

Some specific examples of this may be areas where my wife’s thinking has been conformed to something other than the Scriptures in a particular area.

so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

We want to be praying about specific areas of sin.

I passed over this, but in all of these passages—in 1 Peter, Chapter 3, 1-6; Ephesians, Chapter 5:22-24—there’s this idea of the wife’s submission to her husband. I specifically waited to get here; because it’s really easy—if we don’t start where we started and remember we’re moving into this—right?—and I’m starting with a proper understanding of me—my role, why I’m praying, what my desire is, what my responsibility and my duty is; specifically, my wife being formed to the image of Christ and, now, specific hindrances to her being formed to the image of Christ.

Now, I’m talking about my wife’s submission to me—it’s really easy to just start there. My hope for you, and my prayer for you, is that, as you think about this the way I’m trying to help you think about this, by the time you get to these more specific things—especially, get to this idea of your wife submitting to you—that we sort of get past that sort of knee-jerk, fleshly attitude that we can come with; and now, we pray about this and her submission to the Lord.

And then a last one that we want to get to—look at verse 28 again: “In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of His body. ‘Therefore a man should leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’” Pray for your one-flesh union—physically, spiritually, emotionally.

And again, if you come the direction that we went in understanding these greater theological and spiritual realities, and then working through this with the proper perspective, and now coming to this idea of our one-flesh union, you’re going to pray differently about it. Interestingly enough, right after this—this is Chapter 6—our one-flesh union and our partnership produces our offspring. This is kind of a guide and a structure for you, as you are praying for your wife. I would encourage you that, when you start this, that you would just kind of go through this whole thing.

But as this grows, and you grow more specific in this, you know, this can become huge—and this can just become something that you do a piece of this time, and a piece of this time, and piece of that time—and you sort of break this up. But the idea is: “Start with something, but don’t start with everything.” Take these principles and these theological truths and apply them in a way that’s manageable for you, where you can be consistent; because that’s what’s important—be consistent.

I guarantee you that, if you make a commitment to doing this, where it’s manageable and you can be consistent, it will grow. You’re going to find that as you do this—and as you go through and you’re praying for your wife and you’re praying through these categories—the Lord is going to show you areas where you have need. Again, this is a guide. These are training wheels, and we can use these in a variety of different ways.

Bob: Well, again, we’ve been listening to Voddie Baucham, from the 2019 Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise, just a few weeks ago, challenging husbands to be praying for their wives. This is something God laid on your heart, years ago; and you’ve been pretty faithful to be consistent in praying for and with your wife.

Dave: Yes; and you know, I’ve heard Voddie many times. I’m not sure there’s a better man-to-man motivator that I know. On this topic—this is one of those topics, where I think all of us want to be better; because it takes your eyes off of what you’re lacking or seeing and puts your eyes on God and saying: “God, I love this woman. I want You to bless her,”—so you take her to Jesus daily.

Ann: Well, I think, too, some listeners might be thinking: “Well, I wish my husband would pray for me. I don’t know if he does pray for me.” I would encourage you to pray for your husband. Even at night—you might have a husband that doesn’t even believe in God or believe in prayer; but there is a power in just going to bed at night, putting your hand on his shoulder or his back, and saying: “God, thank You for my husband. Help us, protect us, guide us. We need You,”—that’s it.

I don’t know, maybe your husband will be offended; I don’t think so. I think every man would be okay—do you guys think that a man would be okay with that?

Bob: I would think a guy would be okay with that. I think, even for a wife to say, “You know, before I go to sleep tonight, I’m going to be praying. Is there anything I can pray for you for?”—just ask your husband, “What can I pray for you for?” Even a man who doesn’t believe in God will come up with something and say, “Pray for my job.” “Okay; I’ll do that,”—right? That’s a great way to open the door on that subject.

Again, this is the kind of content that is a part of the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise. I mean, it is a great vacation/a great getaway; but it’s also great content with thousands of other couples, who are committed to building into their marriage like you want to build into your marriage. The 2020 Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise is going to be our tenth-anniversary cruise; it’s our biggest cruise yet. We have Dr. Gary Chapman, who wrote The Five Love Languages, joining us; Dennis and Barbara Rainey will be back with us; Dave and Ann Wilson will join us; Mary Ann and I will be there; Ron Deal—we have a great lineup of speakers and musicians.

Right now, we are 70 percent sold for next year’s cruise. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and register now. We have a special offer taking place between now and March 25th. You and your spouse can save $400 off the cost of your stateroom, but you have to register in the next few weeks and use the code, “CRUISE MADNESS.” Go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information; or call if you have any questions: 1-800-FL-TODAY is the number. It’s going to be a great week, and we hope you can be with us.

And we hope you have a great weekend! I hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday. Ron Deal is going to join us. We’re going to hear from Dave Wilson about what it was like for him, growing up in a home where Mom and Dad got a divorce and his mom was a single parent; and then he was part of a blended family. What’s that like for a young man? Dave shares his story with us on Monday. I hope you can be with us for that.

I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team—special help this week from Justin Adams. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I’m Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of FamilyLife Today.

FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru® Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.

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Do you feel the need to pray more earnestly for your wife and your marriage but aren’t sure where to start? God longs for you to be in prayer with Him, and He especially desires you to pray about your marriage and the one person you are spending the rest of your life with! Here’s how the challenge works. Every day for the next 30 days, you will pray in a specific way for your wife. We have provided related articles and Bible verses for you to study and pray over your wife.

You can start this prayer challenge any day of the month, but it might be easier to start at the beginning of the month, just to keep track of the days. It’s OK if you miss a day or two, life happens! If you do miss a day, you don’t need to go back and or start over. Just pick up with the corresponding day and, if you have time, you can go back to the days you’ve missed. You might want to bookmark this page to make it easier to come back to each day.  

Ready to spend the next month praying for your wife? Ready to see your marriage transformed? Let’s get started!
 

30 days of intentionally praying for your wife begins now!

Day 1: Pray for her walk with God.

Pray that she would desire to set time aside each day no matter how busy she is to commune with the Lord in prayer and Bible reading. Encourage her with these verses: Psalm 91:1, Psalm 62:1, Romans 12:2 and ask her if there’s something you can do to free up her time. Pray that she would continue to love God more than anyone else.

Read: Why Did God Create Woman?

Day 2: Pray for growth in her spiritual disciplines.

Pray that she would study God’s Word on her own, with you, with friends, and with people at church. Pray that she would gain understanding from the Holy Spirit. Encourage her by studying the Bible with her and on your own, lead by example. Pray for her prayer life that she would be invested in the richness of knowing God more. Encourage her by talking about your prayer life and what God is teaching you.

Read: No More Happy Face Christianity

Day 3: Pray for her spiritual protection.

Pray that her armor of God would not allow the enemy’s schemes to weaken her. Pray that God would guide her away from danger and protect her throughout her day. Pray that God’s hand would cover her as she navigates traffic day and night and that she will not stumble physically or spiritually. If she is traveling, pray for her safety and peace.

Read: 3 Truths that Conquer Satan’s Lie about Marriage

Day 4: Pray for deep, refreshing sleep.

Encourage her to journal her thoughts at bedtime so they don’t steal her sleep. Try saying Proverbs 3:24 to her if she feels restless: “When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.” Pray that she would rest in knowing that God’s plan is greater than any of her worries. Pray that she would be able to quiet the “voices” that disrupt her peace.

Read: 4 Surprising Truths about Rest in the Bible

Day 5: Pray for your sex life together. 

Pray that God would protect, encourage, and renew her desire for intimacy with you. Pray that the Holy Spirit would guide you both to see your sex life as a treasure from God worth enjoying. Pursue her with kindness, affection, and patience, praying that God would make space for your sex life to flourish. Delight in praying Mark 10:9 to strengthen your sacred togetherness (therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate). Consider hand-writing her a verse like this, “Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine” — Song of Solomon 1:2.

Read: 10 Myths about Sex You’ve Heard in Church

Day 6: Pray for clarity and divine wisdom.

Your wife may tend to mentally multitask and feel pressed to solve everyone’s problems. Pray that she would receive conviction through the Holy Spirit as to what is best for today. Pray that she would notice and appreciate one or a few things that are “well done,” without the stress of “doing it all.” Pray that the enemy will not cloud her focus on what matters most to her heart. Encourage her that choosing is empowering – even choosing no, so that she can say yes to what’s better for her. Pray that God would hush the noise surrounding her day and night and reach into her soul. Pray that she would ask for His words, His actions, His guidance. Text her an encouraging verse (James 1:5, Isaiah 30:21) if you know she’s seeking wisdom. Pray that she will discern His reassuring voice above all. 

Watch: How Can I Develop Spiritual Discernment?

Day 7: Pray for her to enjoy who God made her to be.

Whatever season your wife is in: newlywed, mom of littles, teen-chauffeur, or empty-nester . . . God created her uniquely for this. His beautiful design for her is hers to unwrap and celebrate. Remind her that she is different on purpose, that her parenting decisions may not match everyone else’s, and that her gifts are not only needed — they were hand-picked by God. If you hear her belittling herself through comparisons, point her to Psalm 139:14.

Read: 10 Little Notes of Encouragement to Send Your Wife

Day 8: Pray for her sanctification.

Pray for God’s continuing work of sanctification in your wife’s life. Pray that she would be actively pursuing God in her desire to grow in holiness. Remind her that God is not finished with her and that He delights in redeeming her from herself. Lead her in humility before the Lord, praying together in gratitude for God’s presence in your lives. Thank God for renewing your wife and continuing her transformation each day.

Read: A Simple Way to Think about Sanctification

Day 9: Pray for her ability to forgive.

When wives are wounded, forgiveness can feel very vulnerable. Pray that God would heal and soften her heart, so that she will welcome what’s to come in favor of being bound by what’s been done. Pray that whatever the enemy is doing with memories and reminders would cease at the powerful Hand of the One who made her. Pray that she would desire freedom from unforgiveness and be willing to see with fresh eyes.

Read: 4 Prayers for Forgiveness

Day 10: Pray for her to see strength in her femininity.

Women can sometimes feel they have to be as strong as their husbands in many ways. Pray that she will never judge her kindness, softness, or compassion as weakness. Pray that she will not be hardened by a lack of empathy, or become discouraged in her care for others. Remind her often how her unique “womanliness” nourishes your marriage and your life together.

Read: 11 Biblical Women We Can Learn From

Day 11: Pray for her work.

Whether she works in the home or outside of it, pray that she would be a patient and loving representative of the Kingdom of God. Pray that she would have the focus she needs in her work, pray for those around her to treat her with respect and pray that she would be able to manage her time wisely without getting overwhelmed. Pray that once she returns home, she can rest from her work and focus on her family. If she stays at home with young children, pray for patience and wisdom in bringing up little ones. Pray for moments where she and the children can bond and talk about God’s love. Ask her about her day and offer encouragement.

Read: 7 Prayers for Work

Day 12: Pray for her role as a mother.

Pray that she would not focus on her imperfections as a mother but that she would recognize and remember that God has chosen her to be the mother of these covenant children. Pray that she would seek the Holy Spirit for the tools that she needs to get through the day teaching, loving, and caring for her children. Pray that she would know God has equipped her and is equipping her daily to carry out this role with truth and grace. Pray that she would teach your children about God’s love and have compassion toward them no matter what the day brings.

Read: 10 Things You Should Know about Motherhood

Day 13: Pray for your role as parents together.

Encourage your wife by co-parenting your kids, be the spiritual leader of your family, and show your children that you love their mother. Pray for open communication between you, your wife, and your kids. Pray that you would come to a biblical agreement on how your children should be taught and disciplined. Pray that God would create opportunities for you to spend time together as a family.

Read: 10 Scripture Based Blessings to Pray over Your Family

Day 14: Pray that God would grow your wife’s friendships.

Friendships come easy to some women, while others find it difficult to connect. Ask your wife about her friends, commit her closest friends’ names to memory and pray that as they draw closer to God so would your wife. Encourage her to spend time with her friends and take over certain duties so that she feels like she can go out for an evening or a Saturday morning with them. Pray that God would increase her connection with these women and that He would bring new godly friends into her life as well. Pray for friends that she can pray with and study the Bible with, women that she would feel comfortable talking about accountability issues with. Pray that God would remove any negative friendship influences from her life.

Read: 10 Things the Bible Says about Friendship

Day 15: Pray for the peace of Christ to rule in her heart.

Throughout the day and throughout her life, many enemies try to infiltrate, manipulate, and control your wife’s heart. Enemies like anxiety, insecurity, worry, selfishness, pride, and others that will attempt to rob her of the abundant life Christ planned for her. Pray that the peace of Christ would rule in her heart. Pray that she seeks and submits to Christ’s peace, not any false promise or vice masquerading as peace. Pray that she would be filled with God’s presence when she prays for help. Pray that she would not let her fears be stronger than her faith. Notice and praise when she takes time to “destress.” Allow her space to do what nurtures her sense of calm. Pray for her freedom to relinquish control, and embrace imperfection joyfully.

Read: 5 Bible Passages that Will Soothe an Overwhelmed Woman’s Heart

praying for your wife


 

Day 16: Pray for her connection with others.

Pray for your wife’s desire to connect with her family (parents, in-laws, siblings, kids, you), her friends and co-workers, with the greater Christian community, the strangers she meets, and with Jesus. Pray for God to give her the energy to spend her time on others, while also taking time out to be refreshed by the Spirit. Pray that she would build up solid relationships in the body of Christ, that her kind nature would draw those outside the body in closer to learn more, and that she would crave connection above all else with the God who created her and is redeeming her. 

Read: Created for Connection

Day 17: Pray for her to do everything for God’s glory. 

With whatever she is doing at home, at work, around town, by herself, or with others; pray that she does it all to the glory of God.  Pray that your wife recognizes meaning in the work God gave her to do. Pray that when she works, she is working to build and bring honor to God’s kingdom, not hers. And pray for more opportunities for her to bring God glory. Pray that she would not succumb to feelings of shame or insecurity, but that she would shine brightly before the world around her – all to bring glory to God.

Read: A Prayer for God’s Glory and Splendor

Day 18: Pray for holiness in her life.

God redeemed your wife not for her to remain in sinful bondage, but to walk in the freedom of the Holy Spirit. Pray for her to live and walk by the Holy Spirit. Pray for her to more wholly submit to God’s Spirit in all things, making her more holy like God calls her to be.

Read: Why We Don’t Need to Choose between Happiness and Holiness

Day 19: Pray for her to notice God’s gifts and give thanks.

While creation is indeed broken from sin and waiting for full restoration, it is also full of God’s good and beautiful gifts. Pray for your wife to notice them throughout her day. Beautiful flowers, sunsets, the image of God imprinted on each passing face and even rain that quenches the earth’s thirst. Pray for her to see God’s glory in all of His creation and provision, not only in the world around her but also in the experiences throughout her life. Pray for her to remember and see God’s hand in her life story. Pray that she gives thanks to Him and shares the stories and blessings with others.

Read: How to Identify and Effectively Use Your Spiritual Gifts

Day 20: Pray for her witness to those around her.

Pray that you would be able to faithfully witness together to spread the gospel. Pray that she will feel the presence and boldness of God’s goodness in her words and actions. Remind her that God has her exactly where He needs her, even if it feels like her encouragement falls on unwilling soil. Praise her for taking the time to listen to, and care about, others. Remind her that sharing truth is all part of how her life glorifies God .

Read: What Is the Gospel?

Day 21: Pray for her weaknesses.

Pray that your wife will always feel the healing presence and possibility of Christ’s power within her, even when situations are challenging. Remind her that 2 Cor. 12:9 says that Christ’s power is made perfect in our weakness and that her weakness is an invitation to Him. Remind her that it is not by her own strength, but Christ’s that she can do the things He leads her to. Pray that she will cast all her anxiety on Him because He cares .

Read: His Strength in Your Weakness

Day 22: Pray for her strengths and unique abilities.

Thank God for the ways He made your wife unique, and prepared her with abilities to do great works (Ephesians 2:10). Pray that she will find inspiration and energy in what she loves doing most, and be affirmed with positive feedback or results. Encourage her by noticing that she, too, like the Proverbs 31 woman is “clothed with strength and dignity.” Pray that she will feel competent in applying her strengths, and not lose sight of how God is using them for good. 

Read: A Prayer to Help You Discover Your Gifts & Abilities

Day 23: Pray for her as she faces big decisions.

Your wife will be faced with both simple and complex decisions throughout her life. She may feel that some decisions are impossible to make. With whatever choices she is faced with, pray that she seeks God’s heart first. Pray wisdom for her to make godly decisions as well as strength and boldness to carry out her part. Then pray peace for her, trusting that God will take care of the details, even the ones she cannot see.

Read: A Prayer for Courage

Day 24: Pray that your wife would be quick to forgive you.

Forgiveness sets bitter hearts free. Pray that God would soften her heart to hear His invitation to freedom. Pray that God would remind her of your love for her and that she would be encouraged by 1 Peter 4:8 to love you deeply, because “love covers over a multitude of sins.” Pray that she would desire joy instead of any pain she’s holding, and look forward to new possibilities with you. Pray this His power would knock down any walls and make your marriage stronger. May you both “be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” 

Read: 9 Keys to Biblical Forgiveness

Day 25: Pray for areas of disagreement between you.

Pray for God to intervene in your areas of disagreement. Ask for God to show you signs of His presence whenever an argument starts to form. Pray that He would whisper His wisdom into both of your hearts so that peace can prevail. Ask God to show you how dying to the old self and putting on the new self (Ephesians 4:22-24) works best in marriage. Pray that God would magnify the blessings of your marriage, and minimize the struggles with His constant intervention — making your marriage a cord of three strands that is not easily broken .

Read: Resolving Conflict in Relationships Biblically

Day 26: Pray for any temptations in her life and idols.

Pray for your wife to identify the temptation and the idols in her life. And that she remains vigilant and engaged in this fight, watching and praying so that she will recognize temptation quickly and respond to it by submitting to God. Pray that as her spirit submits to God, instead of succumbs to temptation, that she would increasingly enjoy God’s goodness and become less attracted to sin. Pray that your wife sees God for who He is – trustworthy, good, and kind. And that she would be unsatisfied with any lesser god in her life.

Read: What Your Complaints Actually Reveal about Your Heart

Day 27: Pray for her physical health and safety.

We cannot always or completely protect the ones we love from physical harm or illness. But instead of worrying or grasping for control, pray for God to protect your wife from harm.  As she goes about her day, pray for God’s mercy to cover and keep her from danger. He is always with her and always in control. Trust in Him and pray that your wife would also trust in Him, seeking refuge in Him when she is in need. Pray also, to God asking strength and wellness for her body to fight sickness well and asking Him to heal her of all disease.

Read: 5 Powerful Prayers for Protection and Safety

Day 28: Pray for her emotional health.

It may be difficult for your wife (and for you!) to understand and properly gage her emotional health. But God understands fully. Pray for your wife to be emotionally healthy and thriving. Pray that she would focus her heart and emotions on God, giving Him praise throughout the day, expressing gratitude for His goodness and gifts all around her. Pray that she would dwell on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, and excellent things (Philippians 4:8). And if she needs it, pray that God provides helpful counsel in you, a friend, a pastor, or maybe even an emotional health professional.

Read: 10 Real-Life Emotions Jesus Expressed

Day 29: Pray for her role in your church.

Pray for opportunities for your wife to have a meaningful role in your church; pray for ways she can serve using her skills to the best of her ability. Pray that she would have balance in her church role, not allowing time in ministry to overtake time she spends with God. Ask her if there are ways you could serve alongside her, or ways she may need encouragement in her current church role. Remind her of who she is in the body of Christ.  

Read: 10 Messages Every Church Should Be Sending Women

Day 30: Pray for her passions.

Pray that she would pursue the unique desires God has placed in her heart. Pray for opportunities for learning and creativity that she would get to pursue her passions whether in her work, at home, in hobbies, or in ministry. Ask her what she enjoys most and learn about what makes her unique. Encourage her to share her gifts with others and take time to enjoy the things she loves with her. Delight in her interests.

Read: 8 Simple Questions that Will Help You Discover Your Passion
 

Congratulations—you just spent an entire month faithfully praying for your wife! We would love to hear from you—how has this prayer challenge changed you, your wife, and your marriage? Leave a comment and let us know how prayer has transformed your marriage!

Your words have power in your wife’s life to transform her attitude and spirit. Use these words of encouragement to speak life into your marriage and home – 44 Words of Encouragement and Affirmation for Women. 

Pass along our 30 Day Prayer Challenge for Your Husband to your wife! 

praying for your wife

This article is part of our Prayers resource meant to inspire and encourage your prayer life when you face uncertain times. Visit our most popular prayers if you are wondering how to pray or what to pray. Remember, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us and God knows your heart even if you can’t find the words to pray.

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praying for your wife

Your wife is a gift. She blesses you with love, companionship, help, and plenty of fun. As the spiritual leader of your family, you are responsible for guiding her (and any children you may have) in God’s path. Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.”

A major part of your role as husband and spiritual leader is covering your wife in prayer. Through prayer, you have an avenue directly to God; you can approach Him at any time on her behalf. Here are 10 ways you can pray for your wife, starting today.

  1. Pray for her self-care.

One of the most difficult things for a woman to do is to take time to care for herself, but her well-being is essential to your marriage and family. Take an active role in helping your wife create time to nurture herself, but also pray that she will be able to accept your gift of time, without anxiety or guilt. She’ll have an opportunity to grow into the best version of herself, and you’ll all be better for it.

praying for your wife

The Bible instructs husbands to “love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself” (Ephesians 5:28 ESV). Do you value your time to yourself–to exercise, to unwind, or to do things you enjoy? Help your wife to create the same time for herself, and watch her blossom.
  1. Pray for balance in her life and work.

Wives–and mothers, particularly–find it difficult to compartmentalize areas of their lives, thus becoming very vulnerable to a lack of balance that will be disruptive to your relationship if it isn’t addressed. Pray that she will be able to prioritize her responsibilities in the best possible way, and that she will be able to clearly discern which tasks and activities are keeping her off balance. She might need a little encouragement to say “no” to the things that throw her off track, so pray that God will help her to be able to confidently turn down those offers.

  1. Pray for her relationship with God.

Your wife’s strong relationship with God will keep her centered and will benefit both of you (plus your children, if you have them). At every opportunity, combine your prayers with action and help make a way for your wife to spend time with God every day. She has many responsibilities to fulfill, and this quiet prayer time will help to alleviate her overwhelm.

  1. Pray over your sexual relationship.

Ask God to bless this intimate and private part of your life together. Your oneness as husband and wife is a sacred place to slow down and savor one another, drawing closer to God in the process. He has given you to one another and created the gift of sex just for you, so if your sexual relationship isn’t where you want it to be, lift it up to Him. And if it’s already in an amazing place, pray for His further blessing.

  1. Pray for her ability to teach your children.

Your wife’s closeness with your children places her in the perfect position to teach them about Jesus and help them grow in God’s word. Like all responsibilities, this must be fulfilled intentionally, and the hectic nature of life can easily override her desire to focus on daily Bible study. Pray that she will find special ways to share the Word with your children on a daily basis, and pray also that your children will receive her blessing to them and grow in the Lord.

  1. Pray that she will not become overwhelmed.

It is incredibly easy for work, marriage, children, and the daily responsibilities that come with running a home to completely overwhelm your wife. When overwhelm occurs, it is immobilizing and can be devastating to relationships, health, and life in general if left unchecked. Pray that your wife will be able to take one moment at a time, one day at a time. Help in any way you can to shoulder some of her burden if she’s in over her head, and pray that God will provide both of you with the tools you need to live as stress-free as possible.

  1. Pray over her friendships.

Healthy relationships with kindred spirits like friends, church family, and close relatives add richness and joy to your wife’s life. Pray that she may form and maintain rich friendships that will benefit and enrich her. Support her desire to spend time with her friends, for there she has a chance to nurture herself and grow in spirit.

Pray also for her to be alert and discerning of the people she allows into your life. Ask God to help her to be a good judge of character as she meets new people, and also for her wisdom to let go of relationships that may have been harmful for her to maintain.

  1. Pray for her health and protection.

Your wife’s health and safety are precious, so guard them daily through prayer and vigilance. Pray that God will protect her and preserve her health, and ask that He will also work through you to watch out for her.

  1. Pray that she may be joyful.

Finding joy in life’s chaos can seem almost impossible, particularly in times of high stress. We can quickly become bogged down by negativity. It’s imperative that your wife (and you, too!) is able to face life with the joy that comes from Christ. Pray that she will be able to fully experience God’s joy on a daily basis, and work together with her to stay focused on life’s blessings and gifts.

  1. Pray that the desires of her heart will be fulfilled.

Your wife has dreams that she holds close to her heart, and God-given gifts that she longs to put to good use. Perhaps she has tucked them away for a season, or maybe she is living them now. Pray that God will help her to utilize her gifts, and that He will make a way for her dreams to be fulfilled.

A Final Thought

The Bible says, “usbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). Take careful stock of your attitudes and actions as you focus more closely on praying for your wife; it’s up to each of you as individuals to live the best life possible in God’s path.

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