The following is a true testimony written by Nancy Anderson edited from the excellent book, Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome. Nancy tells what happened to her marriage with her husband Ron after it was discovered that she was having an affair with another man she had worked with. After a long series of circumstances including leaving her husband for a period of time, she eventually came to the realization she wanted to work to put their marriage back together again.
Despite all she had done, her husband graciously agreed to do so. When she called her parents and gave them a tearful confession of what had happened, her parents affirmed their love for both of them and expressed interest in helping them rebuild their marital relationship.
After traveling a long distance to their home this is what Nancy wrote:
We arrived at my parents’ home late in the evening. After a lot of hugs and a few tears, we went into their family room. After the usual small talk, my Dad spoke the unspoken. “What’s your plan?”
My husband, Ron, leaned forward and said, “Plan? Plan for what?”
“You two are going to have to figure out why your marriage fell apart, how to fix it, and how to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
Ron replied, “Well, I don’t know if we need to do all that. I don’t even want to talk about what she did. It’s too painful. Nancy’s back home now — we’ll just move on from here.”
Dad continued, “It doesn’t work that way. If you rebuild a house on a cracked foundation, it might be all right for a while; might even feel solid and stable. But when the storms come, the crack will split the house. And the Bible tells us that a house divided won’t stand. If you don’t repair the foundation of your marriage, it won’t survive. The memory of Nancy’s betrayal and the guilt you’ll force her to carry will be unbearable—for both of you. I don’t think you’ll be able to move on until you, Ron, make one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make.”
“What decision is that?”
“Has Nancy told you she’s sorry for what she’s done?”
“Yes, she has apologized to me several times.”
“Did she ask you to forgive her?”
“No, not in those exact words.”
Table of contents
Asking for Forgiveness
Dad turned to me and continued, “When you tell someone you’re sorry, it’s very different from asking for their forgiveness. Your ‘sorry-ness’ is your decision. But when you ask someone to forgive you, that’s their decision. It’s difficult because it gives all the power to the other person.”
“That’s a scary thought,” I said, without meaning to say it aloud.
Then he spoke to Ron, who looked confused and apprehensive. “When you forgive someone, you make a choice to banish the offense from your mind and your heart. Jesus said that after He forgives us, our sins are as far away as the East is from the West. In other words, they are pardoned. Not because we’re not guilty, but because we are. Our pardon is undeserved — it’s a gift to us from God.”
He continued, “If you decide to forgive Nancy, you can never use her sin against her. God will give you the strength to start a new life together. If you choose not to forgive, if you want to hold on to the pain, or punish her, and keep her wound open, that will be your choice. But if you choose that, I don’t think you’ll stay married. You have biblical grounds to divorce her, but you don’t have to. It is your decision. I want you both to pray about what I’ve said, and make your decision. We will continue this conversation in the morning.”
After a long and restless night, we met again. The three of them were sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for me. I felt like the adulterous woman wearing the Scarlet Letter on the way to her hanging. If Ron would not forgive me, the noose would tighten around my neck and the floor would seem to drop away. I was completely at his mercy.
Avoiding eye contact, I sat directly across from Ron. I asked my dad, “How do we do this? I want to ask Ron to forgive me, but what do I say?”
“If you’ve decided to ask Ron’s forgiveness, tell him what you want to be forgiven for, and then simply ask him the question. Ron will decide whether to forgive you or not. You ask; he answers. It’s the simplest thing you two will ever do — and the hardest.”
Ron had his head down so I couldn’t read his eyes. I thought, “What if I ask Ron for mercy and he denies me? What am I going to do if he starts to lecture me or list off all my sins?”
I looked over at my sweet, wounded husband and saw the wide-eyed face of a frightened twelve-year-old boy. I spoke quickly so that I wouldn’t lose the safety of the moment. “Ron, I’ve betrayed you mentally, spiritually, and physically. I’ve lied to you and deceived you. I have no defense, no excuses. I’ve sinned against God and against you. Can you — will you please forgive me?”
He leaned forward, never letting go of my eyes. The little boy was gone as my strong and confidant husband took my hands in his and said, “Nancy, we’ve both done and said terrible things to each other. Our marriage was a mess — and a lot of it was my fault. But I take a stand today to change all that. You have betrayed me, but I choose to forgive you.”
We both began to cry and our tears mixed with divine love that flowed through the room. Our hearts were knit together—as one. We began again with a new, solid marriage foundation.
After we made the decision to reconcile and reform our marriage, we immediately sought advice from many different sources. We went to a Christian marriage counselor, who helped us learn to communicate more effectively. We also read several books about “starting over” and attended some marriage retreats and workshops.
One of the most important things we did was join a wonderful church and faithfully attend worship services and adult Sunday school classes. We received solid biblical teaching from a godly pastor, and we acted on his instruction.
The transformation was a slow process. We’d developed many destructive habits, and some of them took years to die. We decided to stay together and act lovingly toward each other, and eventually our feelings caught up with our actions. We learned that married love is not a feeling. It is a decision — and we decided to love each other.
Since our reconciliation in 1980, we’ve completely rebuilt our marriage. We had to destroy the old foundation—selfishness—and rebuild upon the rock—Jesus. We used a perfect blueprint—the Bible—and now our home stands firm.
Also, we also created a new landscape for our marriage, planting hedges around it for protection. What are hedges? Hedges are boundaries. In Mark 12:1 Jesus said, “A man planted a vineyard and set a hedge around it.” First, the man planted a vineyard. Think of your marriage as a vineyard. You “planted” it the day you said, I do.
The man in the parable placed a hedge around his vineyard. Why? Several reasons: to protect it from intrusion by animals and thieves; to keep his vines inside his vineyard; and to separate his territory from his neighbor’s.
A hedge makes the statement, “Private Property, No Trespassing.” The symbolic hedges around our marriages serve the same purposes. As married couples, our goal, as co-owners of our vineyard, is to keep the good things in —and the bad things out.
I also refuse to entertain the stray thoughts anymore. Instead, I replaced them with images of the new life that Ron and I were building. I also discovered that encouraging others with our story of restoration gave a purpose to our pain. This summer, we will celebrate our 27th wedding anniversary and I’m thrilled to tell you that our marriage is strong, loving, and healed.
Adapted from the book, Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome, published by Kregel Publications. As some reviewers have said —which we agree, “This is wisdom born of tragic but genuine experience. Because Nancy Anderson nearly ruined her marriage due to infidelity, she truly knows the misery that an affair can cause. Her honesty, vulnerability, and repentance provide marital lessons guaranteed to revitalize and strengthen couples who are susceptible to the lure of an affair. She does a terrific job telling her compelling U-turn story of rebellion, repentance, and restoration.” This really is a very good book for every Christian couple to read! We highly recommend it.
Author Nancy Anderson and her husband, Ron, conduct couples’ retreats and marriage seminars to help others to predict, prevent or pardon infidelity. You can read more from Nancy at NancyCAnderson.com.
Tagged: forgive spouse, forgiveness in marriage
Filed under: Surviving Infidelity
The following prayers are for you to pray for restoration of your marriage and also a prayer that you can pray to restore the marriage of others.
As Christians we go through difficult times in our marriages much like the unsaved world. However the one thing we have is our Savior Jesus Christ whom we go to with our marriage restoration prayers.
He is waiting on us to come to Him and allow Him to work in our lives. The word of God says “Whom God has joined together let no man put asunder”. Therefore, it is His will that your marriage should work. When you go to Him in prayer keep this in mind so that you do not doubt that this is His will for your life.
There are times when even after you’re prayed these prayers for restoration of your marriage it still does not get restored. Well, there are several things you need to keep in mind:
- Are you both saved? If not then you need to look at the Prayer of Salvation also know as the Sinners Prayer
- God wants what is best for both of you so you need to be open to where He will lead you. You should both be praying through this process and confessing your sins so that there is nothing standing in the way of your answered prayers.
Here is the Marriage Restoration Prayer that can be prayed for someone that you know who may ask you to pray for them.
Lord, I come in the name of Jesus asking that you to make a way in this wilderness of healing and restoration for ________ (name of wife & husband) in their marriage. Lord, that your grace is sufficient to carry them through difficult times, your power is made perfect in their weaknesses and the power of Christ is in them. 2 Corinthians 12:9 As Christians, greater is You that is in _____________ (name of wife & husband) than the evil one in the world because your power is greater than the power of Satan and all who do his work. 2 Chronicles 32:7 I am so thankful that You are watching to make certain that your Word is fulfilled and that You are performing it in our marriage. Jeremiah 1:12 Thank you that you will complete the work that you started in this marriage. Philippians 1:6 O Sovereign LORD, you are God! Your words are trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to me. You have said that You will build a home for them and that it pleases You to bless their marriage so it will continue before You forever. You have spoken, and with your blessing, this home and marriage will be established with blessings forever. II Samuel 7:25-29
Lord, I pray that you will allow healing and reconciliation to take place. That whatever hurts or disappointments they have experienced can be mended through the power of your undying eternal Love. We realize Father that they cannot change anything that has happened. But, they can go forth together keeping, renewing and once again honoring their vows. We ask that you endow them with wisdom to endure and a tongue that speaks healing, restoration & peace.
Abba, I ask that you would mend their hearts closely together and be the center of their marriage. Lord we ask that they seek forgiveness for any wrong doing. We pray that they extend love and patience to one another and that the lines of communication, sensitivity as well as understanding are once again opened. We ask that you will allow all the pain, hurt and disappointment to begin to subside. Lord we ask that forgiveness is welcomed by each of them. Lord we ask that you would allow your JOY to flow once again from heart to heart between them. Father we ask that you direct them as they seek you first in building trust, transparency and intimacy. Father we pray peace over their household, in the name of Jesus, Amen.
Here is a Prayer for Restoration of Marriage that you can pray for yourself.
Almighty Father, You are omniscient, omnipotent and able to do things that are impossible for man. I humble myself before you today Lord and ask you to restore my marriage. Please bring my wife/husband back to me so that we can fulfill Your word that those whom You have joined together let no man put asunder. Forgive me for my part of sin in this separation and show me what I need to do to restore my relationship with You and my relationship with her/him. I Pray, O Lord, to reunite us in Jesus name. Please have mercy upon us O God and I will always be thankful to You for restoring my marriage . I ask for the forgiveness of our sins. I pray for all those people who are may have come in between our relationship that you would set them on the right path and reveal to them the truth of your Word. I freely offer my forgiveness to them for their part in this separation. Fill us all with your Holy Spirit and guide us into your truth. I forgive my spouse for all the past hurt and pain and pray that you would cleanse my mind and my heart from carrying any thoughts that are not from you, in Jesus Name, Amen
We pray that the Lord will honor your prayer and that He will indeed restore you marriage according to His word. Please visit us again and take some time to look around our site for more Prayers. God Bless you and keep you and cause His face to shine upon you and grant you His peace.
These marriage restoration prayers are a guideline on how to pray for your marriage. Pray in faith, that God will move on your behalf. There is no guarantee you will not have problems in your marriage, even if you are a Christian. But, God has promised never to leave or forsake us.
All marriages will have trials and tribulations. Statistics can be quite discouraging, as over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Christian marriages are fiercely under particular attack because the enemy does not want strong spiritual families.
If an enemy can destroy the family unit, he can come in and wreak havoc on the parents to the children. The good news is, God has ordained marriage and wants your marriage to succeed even more than you can imagine. He has not abandoned or forgotten you or your children.
Joel 2:24 And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpillar, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.
How to Pray Prayers for Marriage Restoration
We can not control others, and God will not go against a persons’ will. He can, however, change hearts. He can bring about situations that change hearts and minds. Pray that God will touch the heart of your spouse.
The Holy Spirit will go to places we can not go, to accomplish things we cannot. These prayers are just a guideline for how to pray. When praying the prayers below, use the Word of God, because it a powerful tool against the works of darkness.
Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.
Insert the name of the person you are praying for to make the prayer personal. Do not be discouraged if things do not change right away, continue to thank God for the victory and the restoration of your marriage.
Submit your Prayer Request
Continue to Believe God for your Marriage
When going through problems in your relationship, it is easy to want to withdraw into yourself and become paralyzed with fear and depression. I encourage you to continue to attend church and consider joining a prayer group. This will provide spiritual strength and support. You will find the Lord will meet you during these times of worship to encourage and strengthen you.
Also, if you are involved in ministry, continue to minister. Remember when the enemy is not only attacking your spouse, he is attacking you. Remain prayerful and consider praying for others who are having difficulties in their marriage. Proverbs 11:25 The liberal soul shall be made fat: and he that watereth shall be watered also himself.
Prayer of Salvation
Father, I come to you in the name of Jesus. I believe that you are the son of God and that you died for the sin of the whole world. I admit that I have not done everything right. I repent of my sins and want you to change my life. Forgive my sins and come into my heart, and wash me with your blood.
I believe that you are the son of God and that you died for the sin of the whole world. I admit that I have not done everything right. I repent of my sins and want you to change my life. Forgive my sins and come into my heart, and wash me with your blood. Amen.
Prayer for a Discouraged Husband
Father, I come before you. I ask that you do a new thing in his life. Let him experience your divine love and grace. Cover him with the precious blood of Jesus. Lord, you said in your word, ” for this cause shall a man leave, his mother and father and the two shall become one flesh.” Unite us as never before and let him feel my love and support.
I cancel every assignment of the enemy to make him feel inadequate. Help me to show greater love, respect, and affection. Cause my husband to surrender every weight and burden to you Lord and bring restoration to his/her heart and mind.
Help him to trust you and seek your guidance in everything. I command every burden to be broken off his life right now in the name of Jesus. Bring him into the full knowledge of you will and cause him to be the husband and father you have called them to be. Let him walk in victory and wisdom in all he does. In the Jesus name. Amen!
Prayer against the Spirit of Adultery
Lord, I bring my marriage to you today. I discovered __________ is having an affair. I ask that you restore and heal my marriage. I know you are the restorer of the broken. Help me to be strong, and continue to seek your face.
Help me to continue to take authority over this situation. Father, you told me you have given me the power to step of serpents and scorpions and over all the power of the enemy! So, I bind every ungodly soul tie ______ has with this person! I break and destroy every plan the enemy has to hurt my family.
I pray a wedge between them, right now in the name of Jesus, and I command that all connections with this person be destroyed, right now, and I cancel every assignment of the enemy! I commit _______ to you and ask that you take out the stony heart and give _____ a heart that loves and fears you.
Father, in the name of Jesus, open _______ eyes, and cause the scales to be removed. Holy Spirit, cause ______ to be convicted of their sin. Let them no longer find enjoyment in this ungodly relationship. Remind _____ of the vows he made before you. Lord send Christians in their path to share the light and life to _______. I thank you for healing and restoring my marriage, in the name of Jesus. Amen
Prayer for your Husband
Father, I bring this couple before you today. I ask you will touch the heart of this husband that he might know your divine love. Whatever he is seeking that is not in you will let him find only emptiness.
I bind everything that is separating him from you. Send people to him to share the Gospel of your son, and let them man surrender to the highest God. Let him be, saved, healed and restored, right now, in Jesus name!
Remind him of his commitment and vow he made to his wife before you. Father, you said the king’s heart is in your hand, so I know this husband’s heart is also in your hand! Turn his heart back to his wife and family in the name of Jesus. I speak restoration of the love and this marriage, in the Name of Jesus. Amen
Prayer for Your Wife
Father in the name of Jesus, I thank you for this woman. You have said for this cause shall a man leave his mother and father and the two shall become one flesh. Father, I cancel the assignment the enemy has set forth to destroy this family.
You are the restorer of the broken. I ask that the Love of God which passes knowledge will arrest this wife. Open her eyes and her heart to you. Send laborers in her path, to minister God’s love, mercy, and His Salvation. We call it done in Jesus name!
Prayer for Marriage Restoration
Move on behalf of this couple and bring restoration to this relationship. Father, in the name of Jesus, I decree this man’s heart, is turned back to his wife, and the wife to the husband. Bring healing and restoration to their home.
Where there is no love, create love, where there is no peace, bring peace, where there is trouble, calm the storms of life, where there was confusion, bring understanding. I ask that every obstacle bringing this separation be removed, and cast into the sea, and this marriage be restored, and made whole. In Jesus name. Keep me posted! God Bless you!
Marriage restoration is a process. It is the process of changing not only your spouse but you as well. Take all of your cares to the Lord because he is the author and finisher of your faith. May the spirit of Christ cover and comfort you as you believe for the healing of your marriage.
Marriage Restoration Prayers
Powerful and effective prayer is ABSOLUTELY essential when standing for marriage restoration, and requires us to believe that we’ll receive what we’re praying for because as James 1:2-8 warns, we can’t expect to receive anything from God if we doubt we’ll receive it. And since the importance of reminding God (and Satan) of His Word is illustrated throughout the Bible, Bible verses are used in all of our Marriage Restoration Prayers. The Bible also instructs us to praise the Lord and to give thanks even BEFORE our prayers are answered, so these Marriage Restoration Prayers are specifically written to most effectively SPEAK the Word of God to the issues affecting the restoration of our marriages. So use them as a guide when praying for marriage restoration and memorize the Scripture references so you can SPEAK them out loud when necessary.
A man’s stomach shall be satisfied from the fruit of his mouth; from the produce of his lips he shall be filled. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs 18:20-21 That is what the Scriptures mean when God told him, “I have made you the father of many nations.” This happened because Abraham believed in the God who brings the dead back to life and who brings into existence what didn’t exist before.
Romans 4:17 (NLT) Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. Colossians 4:2
Click here for Prayers For Marriage Restoration – Women.
Click here for Prayers For Marriage Restoration – Men.
Click here for Prayers For Standing Wives
Click here for Prayers For Standing Husbands
Click here for Prayers For Husbands.
Click here for Prayers For Wives.
Click here for Prayers For Fathers
Click here for Prayers For Mothers
Click here for Our Marriage Restoration Prayer for You
Click here to Join the FAMM Family
So we can stand in agreement for the full and complete restoration of your marriage!
Click here to Read Seeds Of Faith
For encouragement from FAMM’s founder when standing for marriage restoration!
All Bible verses are from the New International Version 1984 unless otherwise indicated.