Prayer when someone hurts you

prayer when someone hurts you

Today is my last day at a job I’ve been at for six years. 

I never expected resigning from a job would be so tough on my heart. 

I anticipated my staff to be upset. I knew I’d feel sad to leave. 

In the midst of all this there were moments of kindness and rejoicing about the future job I’ve chosen. My new job moves me into the realm of non-profit marketing and to a rental home in Italy for a large portion of next year. 

It’s a new start for my husband and I after two long years of blood tests and chemo and doctors. 

Yet, in all the excitement it’s the mean words that have stayed with me. 

I didn’t expect to hear nasty things spoken about me. Whispers of untruths that even though I know are not true, hurt so badly I found my husband in the middle of a workday just for a hug. 

It is the lies that have pierced my heart that have made me want to run away, and protect myself from hurt. 

I’ve been reading Mary DeMuth’s new book The Wall Around Your Heart off and on since before I resigned. Right from the first time I read the title I knew this was a book for me. I battle to trust, and when I do, the first sign of hurt sees me retreat, protect myself and build a wall. A book that speaks about how to live with an open heart spoke to the person I want to be. 

Yesterday as I read her book a passage of scripture stood out for me from 2 Kings 19. It’s a prayer that Hezekiah prays after he receives a horrible attack on his character and Israel prior to a possible invasion. 

Hezekiah doesn’t speak badly about the person who attacked him. Or run to his friend and tell them how nasty that person is being. All things, I’m ashamed to say, I’ve done in this situation. 

Instead Hezekiah goes to God and prays. Oh, how he prays:

God, God of Israel, seated in majesty on the cherubim-throne. You are the one and only God, sovereign over all kingdoms on earth, Maker of heaven, maker of earth. Open your ears, God, and listen, open your eyes and look. Look at this letter Sennacherib has sent, a brazen insult to the living God!

…But now O God, our God, save us from raw Assyrian power; Make all the kingdoms on earth know that you are God, the one and only God. 2 Kings 15-17, 19 (MSG)

His prayer is full of cues about how big God is in the situation.

I love what Mary deMuth says about these verses, “Hezekiah remembered who God was and reminded himself of who he needed to be in the situation.” 

I wonder if Hezekiah focuses so much on the glory of God in his prayer, because he needed the courage to believe that God could be trusted, not only to resolve the situation, but also heal his hurt heart. 

As I read this prayer I realised that I’ve failed to take my hurt heart to God. 

I’ve made the hurt bigger than God, and allowed fear and anger to shield my heart, instead of letting God fight for my heart. 

As I leave today I’m praying about the situation. 

I’m praying that my big God will fight for me. And I’m asking him to heal my hurting heart and help me to live without walls even as I learn that trusting God is the only way to learn to live with an open heart. (tweet this)

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prayer when someone hurts you

And Hezekiah prayed—oh, how he prayed! 

God, God of Israel, seated in majesty on the cherubim-throne. You are the one and only God, sovereign over all kingdoms on earth, Maker of heaven, maker of earth. Open your ears, God, and listen, open your eyes and look. Look at this letter Sennacherib has sent, a brazen insult to the living God!

…But now O God, our God, save us from raw Assyrian power; Make all the kingdoms on earth know that you are God, the one and only God. 2 Kings 15-17, 19 (MSG)

Today is my last day at a job I’ve been at for six years. 

I never expected resigning from a job would be so tough on my heart. 

I anticipated my staff to be upset. I knew I’d feel sad to leave. 

In the midst of all this there were moments of kindness and rejoicing about the future job I’ve chosen. My new job moves me into the realm of non-profit marketing and to a rental home in Italy for a large portion of next year. 

It’s a new start for my husband and I after two long years of blood tests and chemo and doctors. 

Yet, in all the excitement it’s the mean words that have stayed with me. 

I didn’t expect to hear nasty things spoken about me. Whispers of untruths that even though I know are not true, hurt so badly I found my husband in the middle of a workday just for a hug. 

It is the lies that have pierced my heart that have made me want to run away, and protect myself from hurt. 

I’ve been reading Mary DeMuth’s new book The Wall Around Your Heart off and on since before I resigned. Right from the first time I read the title I knew this was a book for me. I battle to trust, and when I do, the first sign of hurt sees me retreat, protect myself and build a wall. A book that speaks about how to live with an open heart spoke to the person I want to be. 

Yesterday as I read her book a passage of scripture stood out for me from 2 Kings 19. It’s a prayer that Hezekiah prays after he receives a horrible attack on his character and Israel prior to a possible invasion. 

Hezekiah doesn’t speak badly about the person who attacked him. Or run to his friend and tell them how nasty that person is being. All things, I’m ashamed to say, I’ve done in this situation. 

Instead Hezekiah goes to God and prays. Oh, how he prays. 

prayer when someone hurts you

His prayer is full of cues about how big God is in the situation.

I love what Mary deMuth says about these verses, “Hezekiah remembered who God was and reminded himself of who he needed to be in the situation.” 

I wonder if Hezekiah focuses so much on the glory of God in his prayer, because he needed the courage to believe that God could be trusted, not only to resolve the situation, but also heal his hurt heart. 

As I read this prayer I realised that I’ve failed to take my hurt heart to God. 

I’ve made the hurt bigger than God, and allowed fear and anger to shield my heart, instead of letting God fight for my heart. 

As I leave today I’m praying about the situation. 

I’m praying that my big God will fight for me. And I’m asking him to heal my hurting heart and help me to live without walls even as I learn that trusting God is the only way to learn to live with an open heart. (tweet this)
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In

The Wall Around Your Heart , Mary DeMuth shows you that you

can reach wholeness and healing in the aftermath of painful relationships by following the road map of the Lord’s Prayer. You’ll walk through story after story of hurt people who are led through biblical truth into amazing, life-sustaining, joyful growth.

Life is hard. People can be mean and petty and awful. But they can also be amazing and beautiful and sacrificial. God is good. He is faithful. You can trust him with your relationships.

You can buy this book here and find out more about Mary here.

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prayer when someone hurts you

Well, this is a tough one, isn’t it?  Why on earth would you want to pray for someone who’s hurt you? Honestly, when someone hurts me, most of the time I don’t……well not at first anyway.

When’s the last time you were hurt by someone?  When’s the last time someone disrespected you by not only hurting you once but by hurting you over and over again with no regard for your feelings whatsoever?

How does Jesus expect you to pray for that person? I mean, seriously now. That person just treated you horribly. Is this for real?

prayer when someone hurts you

prayer when someone hurts you

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What Jesus calls us to do

Well, my friend….it’s for real. Jesus does call us to pray for those who’ve hurt us, but how are we supposed to do that?

First and foremost, you need to realize that Jesus already knows how difficult it is – He knows everything about you, so there’s no reason to try and hide your feelings from Him. You can find great comfort in knowing that you can go to Him for absolutely everything. Your joys, your concerns, and your challenges….all of it!

Go to Him when you are hurting and He will soothe your pain.  Go to Him when you are joyful.  He will share your joy and multiply it.   by Sarah Young, Jesus Calling

We certainly don’t set out to hurt someone, but think about this……how many times have you done just that? How awful did you feel when you realized you had hurt them?  Wouldn’t you like to know that they were praying for you?  Praying for you to understand how you hurt them, praying for you to learn from your mistake so that you don’t hurt them, or anyone else, like that again. Asking Jesus, on your behalf, to forgive you.

If Jesus can love you unconditionally, no matter what you’ve done, couldn’t you pray for someone who has done something they shouldn’t have?  You can begin with this prayer,

“Lord, I know you want me to pray for this person. You already know this is difficult for me and I don’t really want to (remember, you don’t have to sugar coat it. He already knows), but Lord, I pray your will in this person’s life.  I pray they turn to you for direction. Please give me eyes to see and ears to hear your perspective. Please, also, grant me patience while you work your will and the grace to accept it.

I pray this every day – over and over again. I pray they humble themselves before Him, and that they want to seek his forgiveness…want to change and no longer treat people this way.

What Jesus shows me

Do you know what happens EVERY SINGLE TIME I pray this for someone? He shows me a look at this person through His eyes. Seriously, every time.  And you know what I see????  A person who is struggling just like me and…..are you ready for it…..He shows me my role in the situation. Did you catch that? It bears repeating…I see what I’ve done wrong in this situation.

I see my role in not forgiving that person, or talking about them when I shouldn’t have, and not showing them grace like I should have. Grace that Jesus ALWAYS gives me freely – grace that I certainly don’t deserve.

Talk about humbling! The first time Jesus shows you this, let me tell you it’s one of those “whooooaaa moments.” One where it feels like he just picks you up and says, “Hey!  Listen up!”

My prayer when it’s hard

There are times that I’m so upset by what this person has done and, what I call, completely “gridlocked.”  I can’t even think because I’m so upset.  Those are the times that I go to Him with this prayer,

“Lord, I can’t do this right now.  I can’t even think straight.  Thank you for loving me unconditionally.  Thank you for already equipping me with what I need to handle this challenge today.  Thank you for allowing me to be me.  I know that while I can’t pray for this person right this moment,  you will help me get through this and I will pray for them when I calm down, after I get through this extreme feeling of being gridlocked.”

When you get like this, Jesus completely understands.  He’ll pick you up and comfort you until you can stand on your own.  He does that for you – no questions asked. Complete, unconditional love.

He certainly doesn’t expect you to keep going back for more bad behavior, but he does expect you to continue to pray for the person who’s hurt you.

Believe me, I don’t have it all figured out. I am in the trenches right beside you. We’re all a work in progress – on our own journey with Jesus, and we can help each other through these challenges.

The next time someone hurts you, go to Jesus first. He’s right there waiting for you….all you have to do is ask.

Also, you don’t want to miss my new 30-day devotional, Finding Peace in the Mess which! Click here to order it now and have it delivered to your inbox as an instant download to get started today! (Plus you’ll get 2 FREE instant bonuses when you order!)

Until next time, my friend…..

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prayer when someone hurts you

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…And You’re Not Ready to Forgive and Forget

When a man I loved left me, I couldn’t hate him — when you truly love someone you wish him the best. But I felt terribly shocked and wounded. His occasional calls gave me false hopes and only prolonged my grief. Desperate for a way to cope with the burden of my pain, I remembered Luke 6:28: “bless those that curse you; pray for those that mistreat you.”

“Praying for him” did not mean begging God to turn back the clock and make everything all right. That didn’t help me heal. It meant finding a way to pray that God would bless and keep this man, and light his way. Praying for him took my focus off of myself and balanced things out. I needed it, and he needed it.

Then I looked for advice on how to pray even while the very thought of this person still cut me and I was not yet ready to forgive or forget. It was left to me to humbly offer these suggestions.

  • While praying for the one who hurt you, avoid picturing him. Put away the photos. Don’t relive memories good or bad. These inspire grief, not prayer. Picture not his face or self but the God in him, the divine spark given to us all. I saw this as a chunk of gold or a wink of light. This helped me see that this man still had goodness in him and needed my prayers.
  • Don’t pray for this person to change, or for their conversion. These things are in God’s hands and/or in the hands of the individual. Prayer is powerful but it does not make the phone ring.
  • Pray for your own understanding. Praying for my loved one broke up my constant pleading and bargaining with God and let God get a word in edgewise. He informed me: “This person is in the dark, and must find his own way out. You cannot help him.” This was painful to hear, but now I knew better what to pray for.
  • Be busy while you pray. Lying awake at night or kneeling alone in a chapel will only summon up memories, anger, and sobs that might be natural but keep your wound from healing. Sweep the sidewalk, take a walk with a camera, practice free-throws with the children. Just get active, and then pray, when you think of it, “God, please bless him (or her),” or “Help me understand.”
  • Keep these prayers short and simple. “God, please protect her,” “God, please help him quit drinking,” “Dear God, let him find peace” — those are sufficient.
  • Get “above” it. Imagine you are viewing the earth from above, as if it were a dollhouse with the roof cut away. There you are, and, miles away, there he (or she) is, perhaps watching TV, working, sleeping, dating someone else. From this distance you both look a lot like the rest of humanity. This perspective encourages an open heart and compassion so you can stand to ask for blessings on the person whose behavior tempts you to hate.
  • Pray with just one other person. Grief and resentment are natural but keep you spiritually isolated. Ask one person to pray with you. (Prayer circles do not seem to work for this; you get sympathy, but later when you are alone, the pain returns in full force.) It doesn’t matter if you pray with a family member or a stranger for blessings on the lost one; it just helps.
  • Don’t “expect a miracle.” Your expectations — especially when you are grieving or resentful — might not line up with God’s will or what is best for you or another. To expect something is to be passive, a taker. Pray for a miracle, but don’t “expect” it.

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