by Jennifer (Decatur, IL)
I am need of a prayer to heal my broken marraige. I have made so many mistakes and lost my faith in God. God has saved my life and shown me all of my wrong doings, forgiven my of my sins, and held me through these troubles. My husband is struggling with forgiveness and has asked for a divorce. I know he still loves me, but he is scred to be hurt again. I ask for prayers that God will soften his heart and show him his will for our marrige just as God has done for me. I pray that my daughter be also be protected and she will be re-united with her step-father. He is so full of anger and evil in his heart. I beg God to save his soul. God has tought me true forgiveness and shown me my husband through his eyes. I love him more now than I did two years ago when we were married. Please pray that my husband will change his mind and not run away from us out of fear. I have christ in my heart and I will not back down from my marriage. I will not act with bitterness in my heart. I will stay strong and be patient in the Lord. Thank you for your prayers.
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Steps You Can Take to Save Your Marriage
- Decide if your marriage is worth being saved.
- Build your faith and stay positive
- Learn how to control your explosive emotional outbursts
- Don’t talk to your spouse–instead, talk to God
- Don’t do/say things to get a reaction out of him
- Accept what God allows
If your spouse tells you that he or she wants a divorce, then that means the marriage is over right? Well, not necessarily…
Consider this a disclaimer: if you are not an individual who has a strong faith base then there is absolutely no point in reading this hub. The things that I’m going to talk about in this post might sound ludicrous and even downright ridiculous to the average individual. Why? Because we live in an era with a society that will look at you and say: “What’s wrong with you?” “You are crazy.” “You do realize that you are just wasting your time, right?” “He isn’t worth all that.” “You’re stupid, you’re dumb, you’re weak”—and any other unsolicited comment that someone has made about your decision to fight for your marriage. Key words: it is YOUR decision; that means, what anyone else thinks really doesn’t matter.
This hub is written from a woman’s POV, but men, feel free to use this information if you’re the one who wants the marriage to work and your wife is ready for a divorce.
My husband and me, Oct 25, 2008
I watched a documentary once where a man very up in age had been married for over seventy years and the interviewer asked him, “For you to have been married for over half a century, can you please tell us what the secret to marital longevity is?” His answer was so simple that it blew me away. He answered, “The key to making your marriage last is to keep everyone else out of it.” Who is everyone else? Your mother, your father, your siblings…and guess who else? Yep, even your best friend. These are the people who have so much to say about your marriage, your husband, and especially, your decision.
It’s very important for me to lay the foundations of this hub first because when you decide to stay in your marriage even when your husband (or wife) is all the way out, your closest confidants will think you are a fool, that you are wasting your time waiting on someone who is not going to change. But guess what? It is your decision, your life, and your marriage and you do not need anyone else’s stamp of approval in order to confirm that you meant the vows that you made before God and man (til death do you part)—even if your spouse obviously didn’t.
But just know this. There is nothing that you can do that will change your spouse’s mind. Think about it; if there was something that you could have done to change his mind, you would have never gotten to this point. This is when it’s vital to understand that you cannot control him, you cannot control his actions, and you cannot force him to abide by the vows that he made. The only person who you can control is yourself. Here are some steps that you can take to help save your marriage, even once your spouse has decided that s/he wants a divorce.
Step 1: Is it Even Worth It?
Even if your spouse tells you that he or she is out of the marriage, you still have a choice of whether you want to be in or out. But before you make that decision, you need to decide two things: 1) Is it worth it to hold on? 2) Is God trying to shut a door that you’re stubbornly trying to force open? I cannot answer these questions for you and I wouldn’t recommend you to quickly give an answer to these questions. These are questions meant to be contemplated on, brought up in prayer, and wait for clear direction from God.
Step 2: Build Your Faith & Stay Positive
Yes, it takes two to be married, but don’t underestimate the power of one determined, faith-filled individual. I have to emphasize the word faith-filled because if you aren’t faith-filled, then this will never work. The reason why is because you’re looking toward man (your spouse) to do what he’s supposed to do as a husband, and you are placing your hope (faith) in him, your hope that eventually, he will come around and do the right thing. But after he lets you down time after time after time, you will begin to lose hope in him, and thus lose hope in your marriage.
At all times, you must stay positive. Replace every negative thought with a positive one and use uplifting words, not deconstructive ones. This may be hard to do, especially when you’re feeling anything but chipper, but a negative attitude coupled with a negative situation is a recipe for destruction. Stay positive and hopeful about your future, whether it entails a future with or without your spouse.
woman praying to save her marriage | Source Step 3: Control Your Emotions, Don’t Let Your Emotions Control You
The threat of a divorce can be scary, frustrating, and unbearably painful. One of the most difficult things to do during this time is to control your emotions, especially when your entire soul feels like one huge open wound that your spouse is continually pouring salt into. Control your emotions, but don’t suppress them. If you suppress your emotions (don’t give them any voice or express them in any way), then those suppressed emotions will build up like water being forced back by a dam, and eventually, those suppressed emotions will explode and we will probably see you on an episode of Snapped. You can express your emotions while still remaining in control of them. When you feel anger building in you, you can decide what’s the best way to express this anger instead of allowing the anger to decide for you. When you feel sadness caving in your chest, you can decide what’s the best way to express this sadness instead of just holding it inside. It’s okay to cry—but try not to do it in front of the kids. It’s okay to curse and throw things (but again, try not to do it in front of the kids).
Here’s What Talking Turns Into…husband and wife fussing, angry, headed to a divorce | Source Step 4: Don’t Try to Resolve the Issue by Talking
I hate to break the bad news to you, but talking to your spouse isn’t going to change a thing. If talking to him could fix things, wouldn’t everything be resolved by now? And talking to your best friend or family members or coworkers is only going to make matters worse. All they will do is give their opinion about what they think you should do and then they begin to hate your spouse for how badly he treats you. The bad part is that if your marriage is resolved, you’re all smiles but the people who know the intimate details of how badly he hurt you will still hate him. Instead of talking to them about your marriage, why not talk to the one person who can actually fix things for you (if it’s in His will). Try this: everything you want to say to your spouse, say it to God (or a Higher Being). When he hurts you, cutting you deep to your soul, tell God and only God. Here’s an example:
God, did you hear what he just said to me? I am his wife! How dare he talk to me like that? Did you see how wrong he just did his kids? If I try to talk to him, he’s just going to shut me out and say, ‘See, that’s why I don’t want to be with you. Nothing I ever do is good enough for you.’ But God, even you see that he’s not even trying. He says he’s giving 100%, but God, you and I both see that he’s not even giving 10. He’s too concerned about her, running around, playing daddy to her kids while he’s ignoring his own children. He thinks the grass is greener on the other side, but it’s just a matter of time before they hit some stormy weather as well. God, you know what my husband is doing is not right. Please fix this situation, God, because I don’t know what else to do. Help us, God. Help my marriage.
When you put your hope in God (or a Higher Being), it doesn’t really matter what your spouse is doing or is not doing because your hope is in God who will never let you down. Take your focus off what your spouse is doing and put your focus solely on God and what all you need to accomplish in your personal life while you wait expectantly to see how God is going to resolve the situation.
Weighing the Balances: Is S/he Worth the Fight?
Is he a good father?
Is he considerate of your feelings/emotions?
Does he take care of the household?
Do you get along in the bedroom?
Is he a good role model for the children?
Were you good friends during the marriage?
Does he help pay the bills?
Is the bedroom the only place where you get along?
Is he very family-oriented when it comes to the children?
Do you hang out together or do things together that you both enjoy?
Is he financially available to you?
Is the bedroom non-existent between you two?
Does he have good parenting skills?
Did s/he used to be your best friend?
Does he provide the necessities for you and/or the children?
Is there more depth to the relationship than just sex?
Some questions to consider concerning your marriage/spouse
when your marriage feels like a roller coaster ride | Source Step 5: Get Off the Crazy Roller Coaster Ride
Don’t try to do or say things to get a response out of your spouse. It won’t work, at least not in the way you hope it will. Stop calling him all the time, trying to come up with a plausible excuse as to why you called when really, all you want to do is hear his voice. Stop trying to lure him back into your bed simply because the fact that he’s still having sex with you is making you feel like you have a 1-up on the other woman (if there is another woman). When you know you’ll be around him for whatever reason, stop wearing overly sexy clothes to try to get a response out of him. And for Christ’s sake, have some dignity! Have enough self-respect not to go begging and pleading on your knees, wailing for him to come back to you, begging for him to come back to you. Are you not better than that, that you have to beg and plead and cry and snot for a man to be with you? Getting off his crazy roller coaster will give you an insurmountable level of peace while you ride out the storm until God moves in your marriage.
Step 6: Accept What God Allows
I cannot see the future so I have no idea whether your marriage is truly over or not. But what I do know is this; often in life, we find ourselves in situations where we feel like if we don’t get our way (our marriage being saved), then somehow God has let us down. Even if you follow this hub to the T, praying incessantly for your spouse and your marriage, he might still file for a divorce. And when he does, there’s nothing you can do but go on with your life. Did God fail you? No. It just wasn’t in His will for your marriage to continue. In this case, you must accept what God allows.
my husband and me, surviving the threat of a divorce My Experience with My Husband’s Infidelity
At one point in my marriage, I found out that my husband was having an extramarital affair. To date, it is one of the most hurtful, soul-injuring experiences I’ve ever had to endure. How did I find out? No, he didn’t tell me. His behavior changed and as an intuitive woman, I became suspicious and began to investigate like only we women can do. I found her number and her address, contacted her, and she admitted to everything—of course, he denied it all at the time. That night, I had a barn fire in front of our house. But I didn’t use wood or trash. I used his clothes, every piece of it: hats, shoes, pants, coats, shirts—you name it, it went up in flames.
After that, I was certain that I didn’t want to be with him anymore. I felt embarrassed, humiliated, betrayed, insecure, devastated (just to name a few of my conflicting emotions). And just when you think it can’t get any worse, it did. He admitted to me that not only did he care deeply for this woman, but he wanted to be with her exclusively. His confession knocked the little breath I still had right out of my soul.
According to my husband, our marriage was over. According to me, I still wanted things to work but I couldn’t make him want to be with me. So you know what I did? I went on with my life, allowed him to do whatever he was doing with her, and waited patiently in prayer for God to knock some sense into my husband and restore my marriage. Waiting patiently is the hard part when you want your marriage to work and you want it to work now. Waiting patiently is gut-wrenching, especially in a society where we constantly receive instant gratification (instant oatmeal, rent-on-demand movies, fastfood restaurants, etc.)
Not only did I know this woman’s phone number and knew where she lived, I also knew what car she drove. I could have attempted to make her life a living hell in order to get my husband back, but I didn’t want to make someone be with me if he didn’t want to. Because I was fully aware that that woman wasn’t holding my husband hostage in her home; he was a willing participant who could leave at any time.
So I talked to God and told Him everything, how bad it was hurting me, how badly I wanted my marriage to work. And God spoke to me in a very clear voice, as though he was walking down the sidewalk beside me, and placed his lips near my ear and said, “He said your marriage is over…but what did I say?” And when God told me that, nothing else mattered. It didn’t matter what my husband was doing with the other woman; the only thing that mattered was that I knew in my soul that God had the final say on our marriage. Needless to say, even with my faith, this was a very difficult time in my life and I lost a tremendous amount of weight due to the depression I was fighting. But in less than a year’s time, God had restored my husband and my marriage.
It’s no walk in the park and we still have some kinks to iron out, but I’m regaining my trust in my husband day by day, and the fact that he’s so open about the affair and that we talk about it and the pain that it caused our marriage and our children, it is truly helping me to heal. Sharing my story with you all is also a part of the healing process.
wedding rings, overcoming divorce, making the marriage work | Source Is it Too Late for Your Marriage?After reading this hub, do you think there’s still hope to overcome a divorce in your situation? In Summary
In the face of divorce, you can still save your marriage. It’s never too late. Even after the dotted line is signed, God can restore and rebuild anything that He wants to restore and rebuild. Take the story of Lazarus for example. If he can raise from the dead a man whose body has already begun decomposing, then why can’t he raise your decomposing marriage from the dead? Even if your husband has left you, you can be physically absent from the marriage, but still faithfully present.
Just remember that there is power in prayer, that you need to control your emotions and not let them control you, and that you need to ask God to help you accept whatever he allows. Psalms 3, 4, and 5 gave me so much peace in that most depressive time of my marriage. I hope this hub and those 3 psalms bring you a measure of peace as well. No matter what, keep fighting for what you believe in and don’t let anybody tell you that you’re stupid for wanting your marriage to work.
© 2014 Jessica Barrow
Marriage is one of the most beautiful relationships but it requires efforts from both the partners to make it work. The husband and the wife have to face good and bad times together to last it forever. We are aware that not all marriages end in romance, some end in pain and separation. It is the effect of planets and stars that sometimes leads to situations like divorce.
These days there has been a rise in divorce percentage. It is so because people have lost control over their ego and no one wants to compromise. Ending a marriage is not a solution but dealing with the situation with maturity is surely one. We must know that situations like divorce can be handled effectively with patience and understanding. It is a difficult process for both the partners and each of them equally suffers. If you are undergoing the similar situation then this post can be of extreme help to you as it focused on the best of astrological mantras and prayers that help save marriage.
Mantras That Help Avoid Divorce and Save Marriage
Here are a few mantras which if chanted regularly by the couple, help them restore the understanding that is lost in their marital bond. These mantras to stop divorce or separation are very powerful mantras for marriage.
Tulsi Gayatri Mantra
Husband and wife are recommended to chant this mantra separately to reap wonderful benefits of this mantra. This mantra aims at restoring the missing love in your marriage. If chanted regularly, the relationship blooms with happiness and prospers. Chant this powerful mantra to avoid divorce as it is known to be the best mantra for happy married life.
“Om Tripuray Vidmahe Tulsi Patray Dhimahi Tanno: Tulsi Prachodayat”
Vashikaran mantra to stop divorce is another very powerful mantra which helps in controlling thoughts related with seeking divorce as usually in a marriage, there is one person who demands separation. By putting to an end to such thoughts, this mantra helps in bringing mutual reconciliation.
“Om Shreem Hreem Puran Grihsth Sukh Shidhye Hreem Shreem Om Namah”
Swayamvara Parvathi Moola Mantra
Another remedy to stop divorce is chanting Swayamvara Parvathi Moola mantra. By chanting this mantra, you can kill the negative energies present in your relationship and save your marriage from divorce or separation. It also brings happiness in your relationship. This is a very effective Shiv Parvati mantra for happy marriage. You may also chant this Lord Shiva Mantra for love marriage.
“Om Hreem Yogini Yogini Yogeswari Yoga Bhayankari Sakala Sthavara
Jangamasya Mukha Hrudayam Mama Vasam Akarsha Akarshaya Namaha:”
These are a few mantras which can surely help you save your marriage from separation.
Going to see a marriage counselor isn’t an easy thing to do for any couple who are figuring out how to save a marriage from divorce. There is a commonly held belief that going to marriage counseling is almost akin to admitting defeat in a marriage. However, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Marriage therapy should be a regular part of any marriage because matrimony is something that needs to be worked on consistently in order for a union to prosper. Just as football players need to practice in order to stay sharp, married couples need to sustain their relationship by attending marriage counseling on a regular basis. An experienced marriage counselor will have helped hundreds of couples deal with issues in their marriages, so she has the expertise required to help.
Table of contents
- 1 Making a Mental Shift: Saving your Marriage from Divorce
- 2 1) Listen to your Partner
- 3 2) Express your Feelings
- 4 3) Be Willing to Compromise
- 5 4) Stop Blaming the Other Person
- 6 5) Spend Some Time Apart if Necessary
- 7 6) Learn to Forgive and Forget
- 8 7) Find Some Common Goals
- 9 8) Display Random Acts of Kindness
Making a Mental Shift: Saving your Marriage from Divorce
Marriage counseling is like going to the doctor. You go every year for a checkup, even if you’re feeling fine. This is important because you don’t want a problem sneaking up on you.
Keeping your marriage healthy and saving your marriage from divorce entails paying attention and working on it.
There are a number of cultural and personal influences that have given the idea of getting counseling a bad name. Let’s look at them and see what they’re really all about.
- “Counseling means your about to get a divorce.” – Not if you’re smart. The reason that this might seem true is simply that that’s how long everyone waits. If you get counseling when things are pretty good, but not great, you’ll find that you’re much happier.
- “Only wimps get counseling.” – Right. And only wimps get their leg set by a doctor when it’s broken. Your marriage is more than just a sacred vow; it’s the most important thing you’ll ever do. Don’t treat it lightly.
- “Tough guys (or gals) don’t get counseling.” – That depends, who are you considering ‘tough’? The divorced dad who sees his kids every two weeks and is paying half his income into a house that he doesn’t live in. The divorced mom who is struggling to take care of her home and her family because she’s having to fly solo, even when her ex is nearby because he’s her ex. That sounds more stupid than tough.
- “My parents didn’t get counseling. They stayed together.” – Yes, and were they really happy or did you just think so when you were a kid? Your parents also had a rotary dial phone and an antenna on the roof. Times change and we get better at taking care of things.
- “There’s nothing wrong.” – If your spouse is telling you that there’s something wrong, then there’s something wrong, even if you don’t believe it.
Stop lying to yourself. In fact, if you’re reading this, you’re either a spouse trying to figure out how not to get counseling or you’re a spouse trying to convince your partner that you need it. Either, follow the rules below and get counseling if one or both of you aren’t happy and save your marriage from divorce.
Considering 50% of first marriages end in divorce, these 8 tips can help save your marriage:
1) Listen to your Partner
Whenever a marriage breaks down, it is often the case that both parties have issues that need to be dealt with. This is where marriage counseling becomes vitally important. An individual receiving marriage therapy will likely only result in a short-term solution because both people need help in order to figure out a way to mend the relationship. Sometimes, simply listening to the other person can help you understand what is wrong with the relationship, and you may even hear some recommendations on how to save a marriage from divorce. A communication breakdown is often the root cause of relationship problems, so repairing it can be extremely beneficial when learning how to save a marriage. Listening to your partner also gives some understanding as to how he/she is feeling, and it may change the dynamics of the relationship once all the problems are laid bare on the table. This is at the heart of saving your marriage from divorce.
2) Express your Feelings
In addition to listening to your partner’s feelings, you also need to be able to express your own feelings, so your partner can understand your point of view. It is never an easy thing to express frustrations and difficulties with the person you love most dearly, so having a marriage counselor, who can mediate and also participate in these exchanges, can give you the confidence to speak your mind while keeping the discourse rational. You should never disrespect or put down your partner because that will just create further animosity and resentment. Marriage therapy is designed to work through the problems you have with your spouse; it is analytical but never critical. How to save a marriage depends on many different factors, but the ability to listen and then share your own feelings can help to address some of the problems. Marriage counseling is a great place to do that because the marriage counselor acts in guiding the discussion between you and your partner.
Related Article: How Much Does Marriage Counseling Cost?
3) Be Willing to Compromise
As with any relationship, compromise plays a large role in the ultimate success or failure of the endeavor. Saving a marriage from divorce also depends on how much each party is willing to accommodate the other person. At the same time, your partner should also be open to your ideas and views. A result of two people willing to bend to the needs of the other is the discovery of a middle ground where they can both be pleased with the dynamics of the relationship. A marriage counselor can act as a guide on this odyssey. Marriage relies on each party being able to put aside individual desires and wants and encompassing each other’s. Putting primacy on your own ambitions will likely only annoy and frustrate your partner, so how to save a marriage from divorce is all about making sure both people in the relationship are happy.
4) Stop Blaming the Other Person
Not assigning blame to your partner is one facet of how to save a marriage from divorce. Pointing the finger at your partner will only make him/her feel further disconnected from you and he/she may not want to repair the marriage as a result. There is an old cliche that it takes two to tango, and this is also largely true in the breakdown of a marriage. It is very rare for one person to be solely responsible for the problems which can arise. Both people in the relationship often have grievances, which they believe were caused by the other party either through a lack of communication or unrealistic expectations. Blaming your partner for all the problems is counterproductive and doesn’t contribute to restoring the relationship to a state of equanimity.
5) Spend Some Time Apart if Necessary
Depending on the current state of the relationship, it may also be a good idea to spend some time apart, so you and your partner can organize your thoughts and feelings. Most people don’t realize that taking a break in a relationship can be exactly what is needed when thinking of how to save a marriage. If the marriage has been stressful for quite some time, then spending some time away from each other can help you to reevaluate where things are in your relationship and what you would be willing to change in order to save it. Likewise, it can give your partner time and breathing space to think. After taking some time apart, it may be that you or your partner come to the realization of what it is like to be without the other, and this could be just the impetus needed for both of you to give the marriage another go.
6) Learn to Forgive and Forget
One thing that can drag a relationship down is holding onto the past wrongs your partner may have committed against you. Everyone makes mistakes, but learning to forgive those wrongs will pay dividends on your odyssey of learning how to save a marriage. It isn’t useful or conducive to harmony to keep digging up the past whenever you feel aggrieved by something your partner does that upsets you. Giving your partner a clean slate each and every day will help your marriage to flourish. Nobody likes being reminded of past slights, whether real or imaginary, and your spouse is no different. Learning to forgive and forget can help to restore the balance to your marriage. Saving a marriage also depends on whether or not your partner has the ability to apologize. In an ideal world, both people in a relationship should ask for forgiveness from each other, but even if this doesn’t occur, it is still important to let go of past mistakes for the sake of the future of your relationship. To learn how to forgive and forget, check out Mort Fertel’s article “How to Get Over the Past and Past the Hurt.”
7) Find Some Common Goals
One method, when learning how to save a marriage from divorce, is by finding some common goals you share with your partner. Getting guidance from a marriage counselor can be very helpful because he can put forward some suggestions that are acceptable to both parties in the relationship. Of course, doing this may mean that some compromises will need to be made in order to preserve the relationship, but the ability to compromise is one of the anchors of a solid marriage. There may no longer be many things you have in common with your partner, so agreeing to goals that are acceptable to both of you may take some hard work. Also, if you have kids or plan to have some in the future, it might be good to work out how that situation would play out. In other words, who will stay home to look after the baby and who will continue to work, or will both of you continue to work, and the baby can be placed in childcare? Figuring out some of these key issues before they become a problem can be worked through in marriage counseling sessions.
Related Article: Help Your Relationship with Free Marriage Counseling
8) Display Random Acts of Kindness
How to save a marriage from divorce also depends on your actions toward your partner. Even though you may not feel like doing it right now, performing a kind act for your partner can help to rekindle the relationship. The appreciation of kindness is universal, especially when someone isn’t expecting it. If your partner has a negative attitude toward you, then don’t reconfirm that by doing nothing; instead, show your partner how much you still care, and that you still love him/her somewhere deep inside. Also, displaying kindness for your partner can also help to change your own attitude because you may start to see your partner in a different light. Kindness should be the foundation of any relationship, particularly when learning how to save a marriage.
And always remember what Joseph Campbell said:
“When you make the sacrifice in marriage, you’re sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship.”
Learn more on how to avoid divorce in our Marriage Counseling Guide.