One day I will be sitting across from one of my daughters, big eyes staring, hopeful, silently pleading, and she will be asking me to trust her. She will want to go out with a boy I don’t like, attend a party that scares me, go to a concert of a band I think is rediculous. She will be asking for me to let her go. To let her grow up. To let her make the same mistakes I did.
I won’t want to.
I will not see a little girl all grown up. I will see a 5 year old asking me to let her drive a car. Kiss a boy. Play with matches.
The reality will hit. I will have to let her go. Have to trust her. Have to hope that my mothering was good enough to protect her from the things that can hurt her.
I pray with all of my might that I will be able to do it. That I won’t suffocate her with my overbearing wants to protect her. That I won’t make her feel as if she has not earned the opportunity to grow and explore and learn that there is both good and bad right in front of her every day.
When I watch her walk out of our house, the house that I watched her take her first steps in; the house with the bedroom that has been painted for the 5th time to match her personality; the house where her hand prints from preschool still sit proudly displayed in the kitchen; the house where her photos show a beaming, innocent smile, I will pray that she return safely.
But when she does not. I pray that I will remember clearly the pain of a broken heart. The pain when the boy she loves chooses another. The confusion endured when a trusted friend asks her to do something that she know she should not. And the guilt of making decisions that her mother may not approved of.
I pray that I will understand that she will try to keep secrets that she is afraid I will hear. That she will tell lies to cover her tracks. That she will buck the rules because that is what growing up dares us to do.
I fear that the things I think I am teaching her won’t be enough. But I pray they are.
I fear that the world will take advantage of her before she knows how to protect herself. But I pray they don’t.
I fear that I won’t be able to remember what it is like to explore my independence when she is asking me to. But I pray I will be able to.
I fear that I won’t be the most important person to her then as I am now.
But I pray that one day later, I will be again.
My daughter will sit across from me and ask me to let her go.
I won’t want to. Not even a little bit.
I pray for my motherhood. That I can be mature, intelligent, full of love and respect their entire lives. That when the phase of dealing with their inability to share with their sisters morphs overnight into dealing with a decision that could alter their lives, that I will be able to handle it like a mature adult. Not a scared mother who wants to go back to the diaper days so that I can control what happens to them.
I pray that I can say yes, ‘I trust you.’ when she asks.
And really mean it.
Love my motherhood posts? Get more of My Recent Writings
“Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for the gift of being a mother. There is no greater pleasure than enjoying the wonderful human beings that you marvelously created within my womb. Lord, since I have become a mother, I have been struggling with the guilt and shame of missing the part of myself that will never be.
The responsibility of motherhood has taken my priorities to a higher level and part of me feels a pain from this. This guilt has caused so much grief as I feel I cannot express this to anyone without the fear of judgment. Lord, thank you for allowing me to open up and share this truth with you. I know you want the truth to set me free.
Show me the how to enjoy these precious moments of my life. My depressed view has gotten dark and this has distorted my vision. I know the enemy would love to steal the joy and light from my life.
I am standing against this.
Lord, this world undervalues motherhood and puts extra pressure on us to be more and to have it all. This is an impossible standard that seems to be hovering over my head making me feel less than capable.
I want to enjoy the simple pleasures of motherhood. Help me to cut out the influences, activities and pressures that were never meant to be a part of my life. Help me to re-prioritize with your vision for my life and the life of my family.
Give me wisdom and discernment to guide the lives that you have entrusted to me. Open my eyes to see the how the enemy will try to slither his influence into our home. Give me the tenacity to continue to bathe our home in prayer and the word.
I want to be a good influence on my children and to instruct them in the ways of you, so when they have a home of their own they can continue to be strong in the Lord.
Lord, the world belittles the value of a mother and a good home. I am going to embrace the honor of this position you have given me. The influence of a mother is the most important job for the men and woman of our future generations. I will take this task seriously and prayerfully.
In Jesus’ precious name, cover my heart, my family and the destiny of each child I rear to be mighty warriors in the Kingdom of God, Amen.”
Author: Julia Shalom Jordan
Prayer should never be a substitute for receiving medical attention. If you, or someone you love is experiencing suicidal thoughts or harmful tendencies towards themselves or other individuals, please help them contact a qualified physician in addition to praying for them. www.shalombewithyou.com does not assume any responsibility for any personal decisions or choices made by it’s readers.
Help www.ShalomBeWithYou.com By Spreading the Message and Linking To This Page
Click inside the codebox
Right-Click then Copy 3.
Paste the HTML code into your webpage