I’ve been single now for over 5 years, it seems long right?! But I have good reasons. When I first got free from my previous relationship and for years after I was adamant that I never wanted to be with anyone ever again. So imagine my surprise when a few months back I suddenly realised that I didn’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, I wanted to meet someone…I want to know how it really feels to fall in love and be loved…I’m ready…I’m older, wiser and stronger now, but I’m not ready for just anyone though…but still, I’m ready…so tonight I came across this quote on Pinterest (il post it at the bottom) and I was going to write something small, attach it to the quote and post it to Instagram/Facebook…but I ended up just writing and writing and so thought it’s probably best to do a new blog post since I’m about due…so here we are. Please remember this is not a pity party, I’m not feeling depressed or anything like that…I just started writing and this is what happened. So it’s kinda rushed…that happens when I suddenly have so much I need to say but I can’t type as quick as I’m thinking 😂 so there maybe a few spelling mistakes (sorry Penny 😘 lol!) FYI it’s also a little vulnerable I guess…but here it is anyway…
I’m hard to talk to, I’m hard to get to know and I’m really hard to love, that’s not a woe is me statement, to me this really is a simple fact. I never used to be like this, but now this is how I am, it takes me longer to make friends, to trust people and to let people in. I’m not stupid, I know it’s because of what happened…I try so hard, I hope you all know this, I try SO hard, but sometimes it’s not enough. For example bible college this year – it took me until placement to be comfortable with my fellow students, that’s almost the whole year…my church – 5 years it’s taken me for me to accept it as mine and several months before I allowed anyone to really know me. I try SO hard, but unless someone intentionally pursuits friendship with me and doesn’t give up, then I usually give up. So…if this is what it’s like now for me to make friends, I can’t imagine how hard it’s going to be when I meet *someone*…*THE one*….
I’m stubborn, I’m fiercely independent and
I’m set in my ways…I want to wear what I want, i want to be able to say what I want and I want to go out when I want to…I want to be me, I won’t ever change to suit another persons needs and wants again and I sure as hell won’t put up with anyone calling me names or laying a hand on me EVER again…
I know that my experiences of ‘love’ and relationships were messed up, I know that what I went through has given me a slight warped perception on what love really is. I also know that these issues are mine, I know that I am over everything that happened and I know that I’ve forgiven and moved on, I also know that reconditioning the way I think and changing what’s been spoken over me is a process…I am making an effort, I’m trying so hard…
But see, I DO want to be loved…but when I think about love I think about all these things…I think about how Matthew is so desperate to have his own daddy, I think about how it would be nice to just have some one to be there, I think about how I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone, I think about how I want more babies, I think about how nice it would be to have a proper family of my own and not be considered a ‘broken home’ (I hate that saying with a passion by the way), I think about the fact that I want someone to share my life with and experience new things with…
But most of all…I try not to think about how I am hard to talk to, hard to get to know and hard to love. I’m scared if I think about it for too long I might actually start to believe that no one will ever love me the way I see everyone else around me being loved…I’m scared that Matthew will never get the daddy he keeps asking me for…I’m scared that when i die Matthew will have no siblings or other parent to comfort him…I don’t want to be on my own forever…I want to be loved, I want Matthew to be loved. I want us to have a family…but then I remember, how will it work? If I’m hard to talk to, hard to get to know and hard to love?
Jesus…please, help me.
Is there really a God? How can He help you?
God is real, and when you trust in Him, He promises to be with you always. The Bible says in Psalm 46:1, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Let Him share your burdens and reveal His purpose for you. Turn to Him today.
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Step 1 – God loves you and has a plan for you!
The Bible says, “God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, , that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life” (John 3:16). Jesus said, “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly”—a complete life full of purpose (John 10:10). But here’s the problem:
Step 2 – Man is sinful and separated from God.
We have all done, thought or said bad things, which the Bible calls “sin.” The Bible says, “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). The result of sin is death, spiritual separation from God (Romans 6:23). The good news?
Step 3 – God sent His Son to die for your sins!
Jesus died in our place so we could have a relationship with God and be with Him forever. “God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). But it didn’t end with His death on the cross. He rose again and still lives! “Christ died for our sins. … He was buried. … He was raised on the third day, according to the Scriptures” (1 Corinthians 15:3-4). Jesus is the only way to God. Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but through Me” (John 14:6).
Step 4 – Would you like to receive God’s forgiveness?
We can’t earn salvation; we are saved by God’s grace when we have faith in His Son, Jesus Christ. All you have to do is believe you are a sinner, that Christ died for your sins, and ask His forgiveness. Then turn from your sins—that’s called repentance. Jesus Christ knows you and loves you. What matters to Him is the attitude of your heart, your honesty. We suggest praying the following prayer to accept Christ as your Savior:
“Dear God, I know I’m a sinner, and I ask for your forgiveness.I believe Jesus Christ is Your Son. I believe that He diedfor my sin and that you raised Him to life.I want to trust Him as my Savior and follow Him as Lord,from this day forward. Guide my life and help me to do your will.I pray this in the name of Jesus. Amen.”
Did you pray this prayer?
Jesus, help me, I am weary,
Let me hold Thy hand in mine;
For the stream of living water,
In a thirsty land I pine;
O my Father, do not leave me,
In this dark and dreadful hour,
Fold me in Thy arms of mercy,
Keep me from the tempter’s pow’r.
Jesus, help me, I am fainting,
’Neath the desert’s burning sky;
Lead to pastures cool and fragrant,
There my every want supply;
Shade me with Thy wings eternal,
Let me feel Thee ever near;
Thou canst whisper words of comfort,
Thou canst dry the falling tear.
Jesus, help me, I am sinking,
In the cold and chilly wave;
Give me strength, my faith increasing,
Thou alone hast power to save.
Let my soul be filled with rapture,
Let my hope be stayed in Thee,
Let me bear my cross with patience,
Till I sleep and wake with Thee.
Lord Jesus, Please Help Me! Lord, help me to listen to your words spoken. May my spirit daily yield to you, and be broken! Lord, help me to understand and clearly see. I need so much more of you, and a lot less of me! Lord, help me in spite of my faults and all. When I need someone, to give you “a call.” Lord, help me to give all that I have to you! May I learn to give my trust in all that I do! Lord, help me to preach your word and live it! As I need to be replenished and filled with your spirit! Lord, help me in my journeys and wherever I go… Please give the strength I need for my weary soul! Lord, help me to depend on you, whatever life may bring! In your arms of mercy, may I always cling! Lord, help me to read your word and obey it! I love you sweet Jesus! I’m not ashamed to say it! By Jim Pemberton
Copyright © Jim Pemberton | Year Posted 2012
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