Dear Heavenly Father,
Please help me in the following week to come. There is so much chaos and noise in my own home that I am finding it hard to keep myself Spirit centered the majority of the time. If it’s not the constant sound of guns from Justin’s game, or the kids screaming and fighting over something, then it’s the cursing and swearing of Justin because something has gone wrong with his game. The only time that I truly have to myself is between home and office while driving. Which is the reason this is my favorite part of my day.
I get to listen to my favorite station but if I am too quiet and focused on other things, it’s dangerous for me to be behind the wheel. I don’t know what or why, but it’s almost like a trance state that I find myself in and then I come back to the road in front of me and have no real recollection of what has passed me, what is in my blind spot, or even if I have passed my exit yet. I have been searching for an outlet to clear things away for a while and Temple grounds were suggested since I can’t very well go to the Temple as of yet but I haven’t felt myself being pushed in that direction. Am I supposed to figure out how to maintain the Spirit while all manner of chaos and mayhem is about? Is this what I am building up to?
It’s really difficult being the only Spiritual figure for my family. I have Faith enough for everyone, and then some, but I still have a difficult time; Especially when all odds are against me. When Justin and I were married, and Baptized, it was almost as simple as breathing for me. I agreed to marry him because I had a God-fearing man that loved me. Then the world presented itself to him and I was left to endure alone. That’s exactly how I feel most of the time Lord; Alone. I have my ladies in Relief Society but I am not really close as I would like to be to my sisters. There are only a couple who know me somewhat better than the rest, and I still feel as if I am imposing on them if I go to them. Heck, my one and only friend that I had while in Oregon for 10 years is unable to understand what I am dealing with because she isn’t part of the Church. So I can’t very well talk to her about it. What is my next turn?
I have been reading Your Word and searching for some solace to my silent turmoil with yet no usual kick in the pants. Which brings me back to my original issue; Am I not able to focus and figure out what you wish because of my environment or is it because of my constant demeanor when I am here? Things are soo much different than what they were when we first were married. We would sit down in the evening and read our scriptures together. We prayed together, we talked and contemplated together. Now, if anything is even mentioned about the church, he scoffs and says ‘whatever’. There is a constant disagreement between us about anything Spiritual or having to do with the Church. It’s to the point where I won’t even broach any conversation about it with him unless it’s to tell him that I, or the children, have something coming up on the calendar. He says that he wants to go with on Sunday but when it gets here, he has one excuse after the other why he has to stay at home.
I know part of his issue comes from not letting go of the anger and hate that was created because of his upbringing and his disease. I know this, but, he surrounds himself with things that amplify that anger and it seeps into my home and family. It has a lot to do with why my children behave the way that they do when they are here. He knows that they, Kelsey more so than the boys, are especially sensitive to feelings and impressions, but when I have mentioned this to him, and have reminded him of it, he now blows it off. I am thankful for my children that have resulted from our marriage but I am not so sure about the marriage itself anymore Father. Please help me to figure this out. I just keep feeling that my family, and my life in general, would be better off without the influences that he brings. It’s draining and exhausting, spiritually and mentally, to try and fight with what he has with him all the time. I have been praying for this man for almost 6 years now and I know he has You in him. He just refuses to even acknowledge it anymore and I am at breaking point. I don’t know if I can keep holding my breath for much longer.
I say these things in Jesus name. Amen.
by Mae (Dubai)
Please heal my father. I love him so much. He was a good friend, a good brother, a good son, he was a good husband, and a good father. Please heal him, wash him with your precious blood, sanctify him Lord Jesus Christ. I pray for every child who has same situation like me, I pray that they will be stong and that you will hear their hearts desires. Every child needs a Father and I need mine. Lord we are nothing without you, someday we will all rest in heaven with you but Lord God I’m begging you please give my Father long life and heal him. In Jesus name. Amen
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Secrets to Success
“Dear Heavenly Father, please help. Amen”
A winning battle by a hero of mine:
Known as M.L.
4 Weeks and going strong
“After years of repentance and striving to become clean again, I finally became broken and humble enough for the Lord to teach me the things that I needed to learn. I’m going to tell you just how the Lord had mercy on me and how he changed my heart.
On Monday, March 2, 2015 I had my last lost battle. I gave up. I had been clean for almost 2 weeks. After losing that battle, I felt more depressed than I have ever felt. At that point I was truly broken. I began to doubt God. I went to him in prayer asking him why he wasn’t helping me. I told him that I had been implementing daily scripture study and I felt like I was being diligent in praying daily. I felt that I was not receiving the strength that I felt I deserved and so desperately needed. By the end of the day I had repented for the things that I had done that day. I didn’t feel like my heart was necessarily in it, but I just did it anyway so that I wouldn’t have as much guilt hanging over my shoulders. Tuesday came, I was busy all day and wasn’t tempted very much.
On Wednesday, March 4, 2015, I woke up around 6:30. I was on call for work and didn’t think I would get called in. I knew it was going to be a tough day. At about 7:00, Satan put a thought in my mind to lose a battle. He told me that everyone would gone at 8:00 and I would have the house to myself. I accepted it. I didn’t even put up a fight. I started to kill time until everyone left because in that moment the only thing I wanted to do was lose a battle. I hopped in the shower and began getting ready for the day. I felt a prompting to pray for help. I didn’t want to follow this prompting because in that moment I literally wanted to lose a battle. I prayed anyway. All that I said was “Dear Heavenly father, please help me. Amen.” I began to think about my reasons for fighting: My mission that I desperately want to go on, my future wife who I want to protect, and my family now that I want to make proud. I began to feel my thinking leave the middle part of the brain and return to my values area in the frontal lobe. I felt warrior chemistry begin to kick in. In that moment, I received a little more strength. I got out of the shower, went to my room and started reading “Like dragons did they fight” By Maurice Harker. My mom came down and told me she knew it would be a hard day but that she believes in me. I texted Cody Hawes, my councilor, I told him that I needed help. He quickly called me and talked me out of losing a battle. He told me ways that I could gain strength. After I spoke with him, I wrote a note to my sister telling her how much I love her and how great she is. I went to the gym and bought a membership. (I hate the gym. I used to work at one and have no desire to go there anymore). I knew it was something that would keep my busy in the morning and help me, so I just did it. I went to 2 places to get my sister lunch. They were both closed since it was 9:00 in the morning, but I tried. I got home and had extra strength, but still had no idea how I would get through the day. I received a text from a guy in my ward who is about 38 years old and used to snowboard professionally. We are good friends and he knows my current situation. In that text he said “I have 2 free passes to Powder Mountain today. Wanna go?” Of course I wanted to go! That sounded awesome. He said he would pick me up around 10:30. At about 9:30, my manager called me saying he had shift for me. I faked sick and told him I had been throwing up all morning. That probably wasn’t the best idea but keep in mind that it had just snowed a lot the day before! After that, my cousin texted me and said “Do you want to go to the shooting range?” That sounded super fun too, but I told him I was going snowboarding. I spent most of that day snowboarding and enjoying all of the fresh powder. I was busy all day and was able to stay clean.
When I returned home, I realized that the Lord had given me an escape. But not just an escape, he gave me 3! He let me choose which one I wanted to take. Since this happened, I have not lost another battle. The Lord hasn’t stopped either. He has given me so many more experiences like this and blessed me with so many great tender mercies. These kinds of things happen all of the time now because I have learned to follow promptings. Now that I am winning my battles, I am so much happier. I have more confidence than I have ever had before. I now write 3-4W1 on my hand every day. 3-4 for March 4th, to remind me to follow promptings. W to think of all women in white, especially women who are dressing immodestly, and 1 to remind me to put the kingdom of God first and all things will be added unto me.
My advice to young men who are struggling with Pornography, or anyone repenting and continuing to make mistakes is to be patient. Humble yourself and try to learn what it is the Lord could be teaching you. He is completely aware of you and your current circumstance. He is anxious to open up the windows of Heaven and bless you, and I’m sure he already is blessing you a lot. My success began when I started focusing on what the Lord was doing to help me instead of only looking at what Satan was doing to ruin me. Have faith, once you have been able to learn from you trials, you will be set free. I now know that Christ lives and I know that he has the power to change our hearts. I know that because he has changed mine. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.” M.L.
Cody Hawes MSW, LCSW
Life Changing Services Clinician