I have a friend who says that relationships are like gardens, they must be cultivated. She also said that the most difficult thing to restore is a broken relationship. Though it is difficult to do, broken relationships can be restored and as with other issues of life, the Bible has guidance for this. Here are 5 Biblical steps for restoring broken relationships.
Table of contents
Be Sure All are Committed With Love
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13
Loss of commitment in a relationship will lead to a breakup. Cultivation of a relationship requires hard work and much love. Lovingly remind others in a broken relationship that you care for them. Tell them you are committed to restoring the relationship and keeping it healthy. Ask them if they are willing to do the same. Commitment to the relationship is the first step to restoration and all parties in the relationship must be committed to it.
Do this now, my son, and deliver thyself, when thou art come into the hand of thy friend; go, humble thyself, and make sure thy friend. Proverbs 6:3
One of the greatest things you can do to restore a broken relationship is to humble yourself and admit where you were wrong. God loves a humble heart and He will be glorified when you take this brave step forward and admit how your actions contributed to the breakup. Your humble attitude will show the love of Christ and possibly cause others to do the same.
Don’t Rush It
Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD. Psalm 27:14
Remember that sometimes the Lord gives us trials in our life so that we take time to cultivate our relationship with Him. When our relationship with the Lord is right all other relationships on earth fall into place. Don’t forget to “take time” to examine your relationship with the Lord, spend time daily with Him in His word and ask Him for his guidance with restoration. Then when He gives an answer trust Him to make it happen.
Ask Forgiveness and Grant Forgiveness
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:14-15
Just as it is important to humble ourselves and admit when we are wrong, it is important to ask for forgiveness. When you ask forgiveness the forgiving party forfeits their right to ever bring it up again. We can choose to remember the transgressions no more, just as the Lord does (Isaiah 43:25-26). The same holds true when you grant forgiveness to another, put it behind you and don’t bring it up again. Forgiveness is a key component to restoration of a relationship.
Remember the Rules of Communication
Moving forward with a healthy relationship requires proper communication. These four simple rules are easy to remember and priceless when applied. Memorize them and teach them to those with whom you have relations. You will be blessed.
But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: Ephesians 4:15
1. Be Honest – Speak the truth in love and remember shouting does not make it true.
Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil. Ephesians 4:26-27
2. Keep current – Resolve your issues today and once they are resolved do not bring then back up tomorrow.
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Ephesians 4:29-30
3. Attack the problem, not the person – Take care to speak kindly to one another. Avoid absolutes like “always”, “never”, “ever”. For example instead of saying “You NEVER take out the trash” consider saying “It would be helpful if you take out the trash more often”. When we are not careful how we say things we are grieving the Holy Spirit because He would NEVER prompt us to do that.
He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him. The heart of the prudent getteth knowledge; and the ear of the wise seeketh knowledge. He that is first in his own cause seemeth just; but his neighbour cometh and searcheth him. A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle. (Proverbs 18:13,15,17,19)
4. Act, Don’t React – I believe this is the most difficult thing to bear in mind when we are communicating. It is so easy to respond in an ungodly way when we are in the heat of discussion. It is only when we take care to think about the information being presented and then slowly respond that we are able to act instead of reacting.
Relationships, just like gardens are hard work. They require constant cultivation. Commitment, humility, time, forgiveness and proper communication are all steps that will lead to restoration in a way that will please the Lord. I pray that if you are struggling with a relationship that you have the courage to read, meditate upon and share this article with others and that you will soon be on your way to restoration. May God bless you as you choose His way.
Resource – The Holy Bible, King James Version
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Wouldn’t it be wonderful if people were easier?
If every parent, child, sibling, spouse, neighbor, and friend could get along blissfully?
But we don’t. Relationships are messy!
And unfortunately, some end in brokenness.
Everyone I know has had at least one relationship end unpleasantly and many that had ended painfully leaving heart scars behind.
The closer the relationship the deeper the wound when it ends.
I’m guessing you have someone who came to mind … some strained or broken relationship that causes you sadness or heartache.
So, today I’m going to the Lord to pray for my broken relationships and I’d like to invite you to join me and pray for yours as well.
5 Helpful Verses to Pray for Your Broken Relationships
May the patience and encouragement that come from God allow you to live in harmony with each other the way Christ Jesus wants. Then you will all be joined together, and you will give glory to God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. (NCV)
Father, Your Word tells me you want us to “live in harmony” with each other. What a good word. We don’t have to “sing in unison” we just need to blend well — not always agreeing but listening to understand and work together. Help me! I can be so stubborn. Please forgive me. I often think of how much better life could be if everyone just agreed with me. But You made us each unique and wonderful. Help me listen. Help me love like Jesus. Please work in my heart and the hearts of those who have grown distant and heal what is broken for our good and Your glory. Amen.
We all make many mistakes. If people never said anything wrong, they would be perfect and able to control their entire selves, too. (NCV)
Father, Your word says, “everyone sins.” It also says, our tongues “are wild and evil and full of deadly poison.” It shouldn’t surprise us when we hurt each other with words and actions. Please forgive me for the thoughtless and unkind word I’ve said or thing I’ve done. And help me forgive _________ for the things he/she did that hurt me. We need You. Amen.
Be kind and loving to each other, and forgive each other just as God forgave you in Christ. (NCV)
Father, forgiveness is hard, especially when I’m hurt and angry. I want to be kind and loving consistently but oh my, I fail. And when I come to You sorry for the things I’ve said and done, I trust Your faithful love and amazing grace to forgive me. I need Your help to forgive _________. Please fill me with Your Spirit. Remind me of the countless times You have forgiven me and tender my heart to be more forgiving.
Father, I also ask that you would help _________ forgive me. Give me the courage I need to humble myself and repent of any pain I’ve caused. Restore what is broken by Your grace. Amen.
Wait for the Lord’s help. Be strong and brave, and wait for the Lord’s help. (NCV)
Father, this is hard. I don’t wait well. I want to do or say something that will magically fix this. Help me remember that You may be using this time to work on me and to work on ___________. I don’t want to get in the way of what you’re doing but I get so impatient. It sometimes takes more courage and strength to wait than it does to act. So, I will come to You today and every day asking for Your guidance. Help me wait when that is Your will and then, help me know when and how to act when the time is right. I need Your help. Amen.
God has chosen you and made you His holy people. He loves you. So you should always clothe yourselves with mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. (NCV)
Father, I need a wardrobe adjustment. When I think about how often I fail to wear mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience … I’m ashamed! And You love me even with my tattered attire. With Your help, I believe _________ and I can do a better job of loving each other. So, today I’m asking You to show me where I need to do better and love well. Heal our hearts, Father. Help us forgive. Help us to love like Jesus and by Your grace, heal our relationship. In Jesus name, Amen.
I would love to pray for your broken relationships. Please leave a prayer request in the comments or if you don’t want to leave your name you can go to our Blessing Counters Pray Page and leave one there.
God bless you, my friends, and encourage you with His grace, mercy, and love.
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Have you experienced having broken or wounded relationships? Do you want God to heal those relationships?
Every person is unique and created differently by God. Each of us has a distinguishing mark, quality or characteristic in our body, temperament or personality make-up, mindset, habits, inclinations, and choices. No two persons are created exactly the same even identical twins. As such, we carry ourselves differently and approach things and life accordingly.
Inside the basic unit of the society which is the family, the married couple relate to each other as husband and wife. Out of this covenantal union before God, they produce offspring. Parents relate in a certain way to children and vice versa. Depending on the spiritual maturity and character of parents, they rear, nurture, and nourish their sons and daughters in the ways they were raised up by their own parents. They have a set of beliefs, guidelines, and standards in enacting discipline and instilling good moral and spiritual values to their kids.
However, as their children reach a transition called adolescence, more often than not, they act out and rebel against their parents and family for one reason or another. Relationship between parents to children is affected. If left unresolved, the son or daughter will reach adulthood and build his own family having a wounded relationship with father or mother or both and worse yet, with other siblings.
Either the husband or wife within the marriage life will encounter problems perhaps with the health, career, finances, or personal struggles within. Relationships will be challenged as each spouse struggle to remain or leave the marriage. Divorce, legal separation or annulment is the result of marital conflicts. Each in turn re-marries repeating cycles of pattern that last a lifetime.
Relationships with relatives, in-laws, and extended families are also severed as hurting people hurt people. Causes of relational problems include the areas of money or inheritance, legal conflicts, jealousy, envy, greed, miscommunication and misunderstanding, breached confidences, gossip, slander, conspiracy, division, abuse (verbal, physical, sexual included), sickness, shame, dignity, honor, and generational /family issues.
Every individual attended school, contracted work or built up a business. Relationships developed within these spheres can also be wounded with another set of causes or reasons. It can be competition, favoritism, performance-orientation, success drive, crab mentality, violations inside contracts or mere misunderstandings among students, classmates, teachers, employers, employees, clients, and contractors.
When we step inside the church or ministry, relationships among believers, ministers and church leaders, co-workers and attendees are not also perfect. Usually inside the Christian circles, the conflicts are because of sins, judgments, accusation, condemnation, self-righteousness, spiritual arrogance, questioned integrity, controversial doctrines and disciplines and immorality, among others.
Friendships created since childhood until later age are not exempted from wounding. In fact, the most painful of all relationships is the one where lies, betrayal, loss, abuse, and desertion between friends took place. Even Jesus Himself was betrayed and left by His supposed to be loyal disciples and friends.
If you have experienced wounded relationships, there is still hope for you. God is still in the business of redeeming and restoring relationships.
The first step towards healing broken relationships is to reconcile with God by accepting His Son Jesus into your life as Lord and Savior. When He has entered your heart, He can help you heal the first relationship you need to start with—with Father God.
Get to know Him through His Word and His presence. Establish a deeper relationship with Him. When you set your heart and relationship at right with God (vertical relationship—you and God), He will fix and heal your wounded relationships (horizontal relationship – you and others)
As you commune with God day by day, He will heal your own wounds. Once you are healed and made whole, you will be able to pray about your broken relationships. Humility, sincere forgiveness, and wholehearted love are needed to be released to those who offended you and those you have hurt.
List down the names of each person and the issue or concern related. One by one through prayer, forgive, release, and declare a special blessing for each of them. Ask God also for forgiveness for your sinful reactions for their offense or sin. Remember not to blame, complain, criticize, judge, condemn, belittle, uncover, or curse them but just speak blessings to them.
Forgiveness does not depend on feelings if we want to forgive them or not but true forgiveness is an act of the will. We may truly forgive but do not force yourself to forget what happened. Do not re-live or contemplate on the painful memories. Ask God to remove the pain, trauma, shame, grief, terror shock associated with it.
You will know that you have truly forgiven if when you are reminded of the person and your heart will not throb so hard and you will not feel any agitation, irritation or untoward feelings. You will not even rehearse their litany of offenses. And when faced with that specific person, you are able to look him in the eye and feel light or normal towards him.
At this point, you need not approach each person you had problems with in the past. Allow God to change his heart and continue on praying and blessing him.
If you reached a point that you are then ready to face each person, strengthen your spirit, soul, and body and seek God’s will, heart and intention for that person. Surrender the relationship to God and He will go ahead of you to speaking to him that it is time to make right the relationship.
Like in the story of Jacob and Esau, Jacob cheated and stole the birthright and their father’s blessing from Esau, his older brother. Jacob had relationship problems also with his father-in-law, Laban. It is only when Jacob encountered God and wrestled and prevailed against God, that he was changed from being a cheater to becoming a prince of God. Even his name was changed to Israel that became the chosen nation. (Genesis 25)
Eventually, God has worked also in the hearts of Esau and Laban to reconcile with Jacob in the end.
Set your heart towards God and He will redeem your friendships and relationships. You may use this prayer for healing a relationships as a pattern—
“Almighty Creator and Father God, I humbly come before You now asking You to forgive me from all my sins. Set aright my heart towards You. I admit all my sins, weaknesses, and shortcomings, please cleanse my heart and spirit from all impurities like what You did in the heart of David in Psalm 51 when he confessed the sin of adultery with Bathsheba and the murder of her husband Uriah. Create in me a pure heart O God, renew a steadfast Spirit within me, cast me not away from Your presence and do not take away Your Holy Spirit from me.
I respond to Your invitation for an intimate relationship with You. Teach me so that I may know Your heart and show me Your ways everlasting.
I ask You now to heal all my wounded relationships—family, extended families, friendships, and those relationships at school, work, business, church, and ministry. I forgive them ___ (mention each name and each offense) and forgive me also for all my sinful judgments and reactions towards them ____ (mention your sinful reactions for each person).
Cleanse all of us now Lord and restore our relationships. Speak to me now and to them and I entrust to You each person that You will also heal them and they will forgive me as well. I declare blessings for them ____ (mention blessings for each person) and I thank You and glorify You for all the good things they have done for me and for my benefit _____ (mention each wonderful thing from each person).
By the blood of Jesus, we are now cleansed and healed. Continue doing Your work in our hearts until you set and appointed a time for us to meet face to face and redeem the relationships.
In humility, sincerity, and purity of heart, I bow down to You in the name of Jesus of Nazareth. I worship You, praise and adore You for Your goodness and kindness to all of us. Manifest Your presence and orchestrate events so that all wounded relationships will be healed from now on.
I pray for protection for these relationships being restored that the enemy will not enter to steal, kill, and destroy and will not retaliate and do backlash to any one of us. I plead the blood of Jesus to all of us and I declare Psalm 91 over our lives.
Thank You God for hiding us under Your wings. Come quickly to save and rescue us. I love You with everything within me. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”
Rejoice right now as God begins to heal your being and your relationships with others. Leave us a comment below on how this prayer article ministered to you and your friends. We would love to hear from you and we will appreciate your ideas on prayers for healing you want us to include in the future in this website.
Here is a Prayer for Healing Finances
Here is a Prayer for Restoration of Marriages
Here are some bible verses on physical Healing
When a Relationship Breaks Down
I’ve tried everything, Lord Jesus.
I’ve tried reaching out. I’ve tried drawing back.
I’ve tried talking. I’ve tried silence.
I’ve cried, pleaded, yelled, and whispered.
I can’t think of anything else to do.
So I give this relationship to you. I ask for nothing—no special favors, no divine interventions, no sudden revelations. I simply place the relationship in your hands.
And in giving it to you, I feel great relief. It is done. I have finally given up and accepted this ending. I know that from this moment on, my life will be different, and I accept this beginning as well.
Give me the strength to let all else go. Keep me from returning to my strivings to maintain this relationship. Remind me that I have given it to you.
Lead me to the higher ground, dear Jesus, where I can leave behind any bitterness, accusations, anger, sorrow, and pain. Fill me instead with your peace and the knowledge that you are with me.
Be in this space between the ending and the beginning. It is a scary place for me as I begin to work through my life without this relationship in it. Be between what was—the memories, the dreams, and the hopes—and what is to come.
Draw me closer to you in this time between the ending and the beginning. Let me see the place ahead not as a place to be feared but as a place you have prepared for me.
– Patricia Wilson
From pages 212–214 of Quiet Spaces: Prayer Interludes for Women by Patricia Wilson. Copyright © 2002 by Patricia Wilson. All rights reserved. Used by permission of Upper Room Books. Learn more about or purchase this book.
Do you know of a friend who would appreciate this prayer? Send it to him or her. Share your thoughts.
May God continue to bless us; let all the ends of the earth revere him.
Psalm 67:7, NRSV
This Week: pray those diagnosed with cancer. Submit your prayer to The Upper Room Living Prayer Center or share it in the comment section below.
Did You Know?
Need a Spiritual Retreat? Join us at SOULfeast, the Upper Room’s spiritual retreat at Lake Junaluska Conference and Retreat Center in the beautiful Smoky Mountains, July 14-18, 2013. Come discover how, as the Holy Spirit washes over us, this powerful presence brings us alive to God, community, transformation, and missions in the here and now. For more information, visit soulfeast.upperroom.org.
This week we remember:
James the Less. (May 3).
(Courtesy of Vanderbilt Divinity Library)
- Acts 16:9-15
- Psalm 67
- Revelation 21:10, 22-22:5
- John 14:23-29
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