About a week ago, I received an email from a reader. She saw my post on overcoming disappointment, and she asked if I could help her. She is suffering in an unbearably unjust situation, and she is angry and resentful at the person causing it.
I can’t share her whole story, but the details are unimportant. Your anger and resentment are as real and honest and justified as hers are. They’re understandable.
And she’s looking for answers, just like you are.
I prayed about this woman and her family, and I prayed for you. I prayed that God would give me the words to help both of you.
My therapist says that anger is always masking a more vulnerable emotion. I think it’s helpful to look at that more vulnerable emotion and to deal with that, but you can come back to that later. For now, let’s just talk about the anger and resentment you’re feeling.
Table of contents
12 Bible Verses & 5 Steps to Overcoming Anger and Resentment
Concrete steps make sense to me. Give me a numbered list, and I’m a happy camper. So I created a numbered list for you.
Following the steps isn’t as easy as 1-2-3. The steps are where the real work lies. I am praying that you are challenged by these steps, and that you find a way to get through them all.
- Control your temper. (Let’s start right away with the hard stuff!)
When people mistreat us and there’s nothing we can do about it, we get angry. It isn’t fair. Parents see it in their young children who are constantly on the lookout to make sure everything is fair.
The gut reaction to get angry in the face of unfairness never really goes away. God’s Word says that we are to control our tempers, even in the face of unfairness.
Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs. -Proverbs 19:11
Earn respect. What if the respect of men isn’t what you’re after?
Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. -James 1:19-20
The righteousness God desires. Ouch. We may be able to brush off the respect of men, but the righteousness of God doesn’t go away so easily.
Do to others as you would like them to do to you. -Luke 6:31
When we overlook wrongs, we treat others the way we want to be treated. But what if the wrong is something really big? What if we can’t just get over it?
We still have choices. If the wrong is something monumental – abuse, neglect, criminal – then DO SOMETHING. Don’t just get angry, but take action. Enlist the help of someone who can stop it.
The reader who wrote to me has endured her situation for five months. Certainly, she has been slow to anger. But now, she is angry.
What next?
2. Don’t let your anger control you. God recognizes that sometimes, we do get angry. Often, we need to get angry to remedy a situation or to spur us on to action.
Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent. -Psalm 4:4
He is saying to think about your situation, and see if it merits getting angry.
Are you saying something like, “YES! It does! I have a right to be angry. Is that wrong?”
Being angry isn’t a sin, but being controlled by anger is a sin.
And don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. -Ephesians 4:26-27
So you’re angry. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry. Find a way to work out the anger, pray through the anger, move past the anger before you give the devil an in-road to your psyche.
Need a pick-me-up? Go do something kind for someone. Volunteer your time. Do good, forgetting about the person who’s made you angry for a while.
Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper – it only leads to harm. -Psalm 37:8
All scriptures are God-breathed, right? Every word is true. So what of this? Stop being angry?! How do you just stop?
3. You pray. Pray for yourself. Pray for the person who is making you angry. Pray for the situation. Pray that your heart will be softened and you’ll forgive.
People can’t change people. Only God can change people.
Right now, you need to be changed, and the person who’s hurt you needs to be changed. Give yourself permission to just focus on you for now. Ask God to change you and get rid of your anger despite the rotten situation you’re in.
But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. -Colossians 3:8, 12-13
You are holy and beloved, my friend. You are, and you deserve better than what this anger and resentment are doing to you.
4. Forgive. I said these steps weren’t going to be easy. Pray that you can forgive the person who’s making you angry. Pray it every day, every hour, every minute if you have to.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. -Ephesians 4:31-32
It’s the Golden Rule again. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Treat the person who’s made you angry with the same tenderhearted kindness that you treat your kids with.
I heard once that holding unforgiveness in your heart is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Unforgiveness is toxic to your soul. It affects every part of your life, and it manifests in sickness, in tension, and in anger.
Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. -Luke 6:37
We are required to forgive as the Father has forgiven us. It is not optional – and it does not come easily.
5. Love. Forgiveness is one thing, but loving is another thing entirely. Loving your enemy – the very person who’s hurt you – is also required by scripture.
Not suggested, required.
The very thought makes me feel sick for you.
You don’t want to act in a loving way towards the person who’s hurt you. Not at all.
That’s where prayer comes in again. Pray that you’ll have compassion and kindness for that person. (And keep praying it until it happens.)
Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked. -Luke 6:35
This passage goes on to say that even sinners are kind to those who love them, but it takes something special to be kind to an enemy.
You see, we don’t get to have vengeance. It’s not ours; it’s God’s alone. We are called to love God and love one another, the end.
Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God.
For the Scriptures say,
“I will take revenge;I will pay them back,”says the Lord.
Instead, If your enemies are hungry, feed them.
If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.In doing this, you will heapburning coals of shame on their heads.
Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good. -Romans 12:17-21
You see, Jesus didn’t just die for you, my righteous friend. He died for the person who’s hurt you, too. He loves both of you the same. It doesn’t seem fair (there’s a parable about that), but it is so.
Jesus died for both of you because you’re both sinners.
Different stories, different sins, same black marks.
For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him. Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. -1 Thessalonians 5:9-11
Download these Bible verses on anger and resentment in a convenient black and white printable below. You can work on memorizing and meditating on them, one at a time.
If you need help with a system for memorizing verses, check out this post on our family’s memorization habit.
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© 2015 – 2018, Tara Ziegmont. All rights reserved.
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Tertullian reminds us how important it is not to be angry with our neighbors when we approach God. How can we ask for forgiveness when we ourselves have not forgiven?
Remembering the Lord’s commandments paves the road to heaven for our prayers. And the chief commandment is that we should not go up to God’s altar before we make up whatever argument or offense we’ve got into with our brothers.
What do we think we’re doing if we approach the peace of God without peace, or the forgiveness of sins while we will not forgive? How will we appease the Father if we’re angry with our own brothers, when from the beginning we are forbidden from all anger (see Genesis 4:6-7)?
Even Joseph, sending his brothers away to bring back their father, said, “Do not quarrel on the way.” Surely he was warning us (for sometimes our religion is called “the Way”) that we should not go to the Father in anger when we walk in “the way” of prayer.
Later, the Lord, fulfilling the Law, openly adds a prohibition against being angry with a brother to the prohibition against murder (see Matthew 5:21-22). He will not even allow us to vent it by an evil word.
Even if we must be angry, our anger must not last past sunset, as the Apostle warns us (see Ephesians 4:26). But how foolish is it either to pass a day without prayer because you won’t make up with your brother, or to lose your prayer because you’re still angry? –Tertullian, On Prayer, chapter 11
IN GOD’S PRESENCE, CONSIDER . . .
What or who really makes me angry?
Am I holding on to some of that anger right now?
CLOSING PRAYER
Father, you gave us all one common origin. Help me live in peace with my neighbors, so that we can all live as one family in brotherly love.
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HOW TO GET RID OF ANGER
This is a two part article. Today I will focus on how to get rid of anger for those that are embroiled in it. The next article will explain how to deal with someone who is angry and uses anger to try to control situations.
“Anger is an expression of POWERLESS as a human being.
When one uses anger as their ‘fall back’ position to conflict they are really saying, ‘I am powerless, vulnerable, I do not know I am powerful, what my power is, who I am, or even if what I am is worthy. My self esteem is low.’”
Following you will find a story about anger, further development of this thesis, the suggested remedy and an exercise to help you heal yourself of anger and discover your power.
As well, you will discover some resources for further healing to help you or a loved one get rid of anger.
RESOURCES for HOW TO GET RID OF ANGER
- Find your power lose your anger with Soul Abundance. FREE Introductory Video by joining mailing list here.
- This book changed my life and helped me develop the Soul Abundance system of developing self worth. Go HERE to get this life changing book.
- WASH AWAY FIGHTS AND ANGER. Stop stupid arguments in their tracks. Get your FREE Webinar “What men Want You To Know But Will Never Tell You.” Join my mailing list here to get.
My mother set a faulty example of use of anger and rage in a relationship as love. Yes, you heard me right.
My parents had a raging anger relationship and I witnessed it. The outcome of this was believing that anger was part of the expression of love.
The reality of this is that my own learned anger pushed away my soul mate.
I can only say thank you to my soul mate for teaching me (inadvertently) that anger is not love, or any version of an expression of love.
Anger is an expression of POWERLESS as a human being.
When one uses anger as their “fall back” position to situations perceived as threatening they are really saying, “I am powerless, vulnerable, I do not know I am powerful, what my power is, who I am, or even if what I am is worthy. My self esteem is low.”
When one sees most situations as threatening this too will bring on a Fight or Flight response, which is counterproductive to harmonious interpersonal relationships. A person that sees most love relationships as threatening on some level, and is inspired into a fight or flight mode, again is damaged at a core level.
They again have low self esteem and feel powerless as a person.
So what is all this reference to “power” as a person?
Through my own story I learned that the reason I was so threatened in my love relationship with my soul mate is because I loved him too much.
This means I was looking for his love to complete me.
I felt if he was not lavishing me with love 24 hours a day 7 days a week I felt I was not loved enough. Obviously no one can love that much.
What is the deal here? Well, in my case I had ignored developing my authenticity, my inner magic, my magnificence as a person. I was incomplete as a person and I knew it at a deep fundamental level. This made me feel insecure as a person.
Instead I had focused on externals to feel deserving of love. Things like money and outward appearance.
While it is nice to have money and be physically attractive, when in an intimate relationship, one’s soul is bared. It is a great place for learning your real worth, your worthiness for love and finally your ability to handle any conflict to your worth.
I learned worthiness by losing almost everything I had. I lost my soul mate and most of the money I had already retired on. I then had to build myself up again. In this process spirit taught me the SOUL ABUNDANCE system of prosperity.
It is a soul alignment system where your worth is discovered. If you would like a free video which introduces this system of building self worth, self esteem, iron clad inner power just join my mailing list here and you will be provided an introductory video which explains more about this.
RESOURCES for HOW TO GET RID OF ANGER
- Find your power lose your anger with Soul Abundance. FREE Introductory Video by joining mailing list here. At the end of this article you can order the entire course, if you prefer.
- This book changed my life and helped me develop the Soul Abundance system of developing self worth. Go HERE to get this life changing book.
- WASH AWAY FIGHTS AND ANGER. Stop stupid arguments in their tracks. Get your FREE Webinar “What men Want You To Know But Will Never Tell You.” Join my mailing list here to get.
ARTICLE CONTINUES
Feeling inner power is mandatory for handling conflict with grace. This is How to Get Rid of Anger. Find your worth as a person. Know it. Feel it. Live it.
Become ROCK SOLID inside. Then your outside will express this inner grace automatically attracting to you anything and everything you desire with ease.
Here is a brief exercise to help you get rid of anger by discovering your inner magic.
EXERCISE BEGINS
1. Prepare by getting a pen and pad ready for note taking.
2. Relax. Take a moment to focus on your breath from your abdominal area, uncrossing your arms and legs. Get into a relaxed state of mind. You might want to play some meditation music in the background to help.
2. Now take a moment to think about the last time you got really angry. Who was it with? What was it about?
3. Now take a moment to think about how you handled it. Write this down.
4. Is there a way you could have handled it better? How? Write this down.
5. Now think about yourself. If you could have anything you want in your life right now what would that be?
6. Why do you want this?
7. If your answer is I would be able to help others better, use my gifts better you would be on point for your inner power.
8. If your answer is I would be more lovable (get more approval, admiration, importance or acknowledgement from others) or be able to get love from someone else easier, you need to do more work on finding your inner value.
Recommended you take the Soul Abundance course. Get at Course 1 on the page HERE.
RESOURCES for HOW TO GET RID OF ANGER
- Find your power lose your anger with Soul Abundance. FREE Introductory Video by joining mailing list here.
- This book changed my life and helped me develop the Soul Abundance system of developing self worth. Go HERE to get this life changing book.
- WASH AWAY FIGHTS AND ANGER. Stop stupid arguments in their tracks. Get your FREE Webinar “What men Want You To Know But Will Never Tell You.” Join my mailing list here to get.
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