My friend is addicted to porn

Table of Contents

This page contains the following information:

• Definition, Signs and Symptoms of Porn Addiction.
• Effects of Porn Addiction on the Family.
• Self-Care and Treatment Options for Wives of Porn Addicts.

What is Porn Addiction?

Porn addiction, which is a subset of sex addiction, although not yet an official diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders-V, can lead to severe consequences in multiple aspects of one’s life, as well as the life of family and friends. Porn addiction is characterized by a range of behaviors that are done in excess and negatively impact one’s life.

Porn Addiction Signs and Symptoms

There are many tell-tale signs associated with porn usage. If you suspect that your husband is addicted to porn, look out for these signs:

• Disproportionate viewing of pornography, beyond what is considered healthy.
• Interference with normal daily behaviors or responsibilities.
• Catching him masturbating regularly.
• Pornography use considerably affecting his relationships, for example:
  • It may become increasingly difficult for him to become aroused by normal sexual contact.
  • Sexual behavior between you and him may change (e.g., he is emotionally disconnected or he becomes more dominant or aggressive).
• You notice withdrawal (emotional distress) when he stops watching porn.
• Sexual dysfunction (e.g., impotence, premature ejaculation).
• He continues to use pornography despite severe consequences (e.g., loss of relationship or job, severe sexual dysfunction).

The Damage Porn Can Do to a Family

Porn addiction is a hazard to marriage, family, and society as a whole. It can have profound and devastating effects on the lives of those surrounded by the person suffering from addiction.

The individual is not the only one affected by his addiction to pornography; you and your children can be deeply damaged as well, and oftentimes, long-term treatment is necessary for recovery.

The Individual and the Family

The porn and sex addict is at risk for debilitating and life-ruining consequences. It can negatively affect his relationship with you, your children, and friends. Pornography usage can lead to:

• Infidelity.
• Lack of trust within the couple.
• Divorce.
• Belief that promiscuity is the norm.
• Emotional distance from wife and children.
• Lack of sexual attraction to wife.
• Loss of interest in family.
• Craving for graphic porn.
• Cynicism about love and affection.

Research suggests that porn addiction has a similar neuronal pathway to drug addiction. Porn users are likely to develop dependence and tolerance, requiring the consumption of increasingly graphic and atypical sexual material in order to get the same “high” as previously. This leads to desensitization to antisocial sexual behaviors such as rape, physical assault, and promiscuity and normalization of violence and objectification of women.

The Wife

If you are the wife of a porn addict, you will likely experience severe psychological harm. You may compare yourself to women portrayed in porn and develop low self-esteem as a result.

In a survey of wives of identified sex addicts, 70% of women met the criteria for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), a condition embodied by feelings of powerlessness, invasive thoughts and memories, and avoidance of triggers associated with the trauma, which in this case is your husband’s porn addiction.

If your husband is addicted to porn, chances are you may experience the following feelings:

• Rejection.
• Betrayal.
• Depression.
• Abandonment.
• Isolation.
• Humiliation.
• Loneliness.
• Anger.

If your husband is addicted to porn, it’s important for you to understand that he’s not the only one in need of help and rehabilitation. It’s a very difficult and emotionally-trying time for you as well and treatment may be necessary to recover from the trauma.

The Child

Children or teenagers may experience isolation and trauma related to his or her parent’s porn addiction and is at risk for viewing sexually explicit content as well as subsequent emotional disturbances. Teenage boys, 12-17 years old, have the highest risk of developing a porn addiction. The child of someone addicted to porn may be exposed to pornography at a young age and this could lead to serious mental health issues.

Viewing porn can have severe and crippling consequences on teenagers down the line, affecting both their psychological and physical wellbeing. These consequences include:

• Distorted view of the world.
• Reduced ability to build healthy relationships.
• Increased violence and aggression towards women.
• Desensitization to sexual violence.
• Increased high-risk behaviors.

Research has shown that teenagers exposed to pornography are more likely to be promiscuous and more likely to have used alcohol or other substances during sexual encounters. This increases the risk for developing a substance addiction or mental health condition.

Teens addicted to pornography are likely to experience the following:

• Depression.
• Social anxiety.
• Erectile dysfunction.
• Negative self-image.
• Concentration problems.
• A lack of motivation.

What Do I Do if My Husband is Addicted to Porn?

If you think your husband is addicted to pornography or you have discovered his addiction, the first thing you should do is partake in emotional first-aid, in which you can prepare yourself for long-term recovery. Emotional first-aid will help you to understand and balance your feelings in order to prepare yourself for long-term healing.

Emotional First-Aid

• Physical self-care: The body responds to trauma with adrenaline and anxiety. It is important to get enough sleep, eat healthy foods, exercise, meditate, and pay attention to the signals from your body.
• Spiritual grounding: Prayer, meditation, and church counsel can provide you with strength you need to prevail.
• Emotional expression: It is critical to release your feelings throughout the healing process. Allow yourself the freedom to express yourself in a healthy way. No feeling is wrong or inappropriate; the only mistake you can make is keeping your feelings in.
• Connect to others: It is not recommended that you remain isolated. Find a few confidants you can trust, whether they are close friends, support groups, therapists, or church leaders.
• Simplify your life: Put yourself in the best position to heal. Do not commit to extra events and duties. Clear your schedule and do what is best for you.
• Education: Utilize all of your resources so that you adequately understand the problem. This will help to verify your feelings throughout the process.

Treatment Options for Wives

Once you’ve taken care of yourself physically, spiritually, and emotionally, there are treatment options available to you:

• Therapy: A qualified sexual addiction and betrayal trauma therapist will help to validate your feelings as well as face your fears.
• S-Anon: A 12-Step program designed to aid in the recovery of a spouse affected by sex or porn addiction. It is vital to connect with others who have had similar experiences.
• Recovery Coaching: Partners of Sex Addicts Resources offers recovery coaching from someone who has been through the experience. He or she can provide you with tools you need to heal as well as set boundaries and enforce them.

If your husband has a porn addiction, remember that you are not alone. There are thousands of other women going through the same thing as you and connecting with them is crucial to your recovery.

You may be blaming yourself for his addiction to porn but his addiction is not your fault. It has nothing to do with your attractiveness or his love for you. All of the treatment options will help you to express and understand your emotions while building skills necessary to heal and move on.

If you are suffering as a result of your husband’s porn addiction and are interested in learning more about treatment options, call .

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Q: I had a love marriage. My husband disapproved of my parents even before marriage, but still I was blind enough to marry him, thinking that he would change. After our marriage I found out that he is addicted to porn. We had very little physical intimacy, as he would never orgasm without watching porn. In anger, he uses abusive words. He has been texting women too. What can I do?

A: In a marital relationship, the decision making is ultimately with the two people involved. It is important to understand and anticipate consequences of your decisions in life longitudinally.

Intimacy is a very integral component of a relationship without which it is very difficult to establish a comfortable space between the couple. Watching porn is not necessarily unhealthy, provided its not leading to significant interference in your relationship or sexual intimacy. Anger leading to physical violence can be very destructive and devastating, results of which you are currently facing in your marriage.

In any relationship, violence, physical or verbal, is not acceptable. You need to have an honest conversation with your husband to get a clearer understanding of his needs and expectations from your relationship. If you and your husband are willing to engage and seek some help through couple counselling, a visit to a psychologist/psychiatrist would be beneficial.

It is important to have ground rules where both of you self-monitor your behaviours and share any success or failures with each other.

A therapist’s regular intervention can make the process functional and smooth for you as a couple.

Why it’s OK to watch porn after marriage

My only sex life is with the phone and porn

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Before you say “HE IS GAY LOL” he is not, he likes a girl and they talk a lot.

Recently, in December me and this other guy became friends, he finds me very funny as do a few other people but not as much as him. For his safety, lets call him GGG, now lets call my other friend who is NOT addicted to me JJJ. Recently, JJJ told me that GGG is addicted to me (They are friends also) because everytime they are hanging out, he ALWAYS ask if I can come. I thought he was lying at first and was jealous but on Friday, not this Friday, but last Friday my brother saw him.

My brother doesn’t know him, but somehow they started talking and I guess that GGG said to my brotheres if he had any brothers, so my brother said that I was his brother. Then later, while I was at home my brother came home and said he met my friend and later found out that he ALWAYS talks about me to his other friends and family. Now I knew JJJ wasn’t lying. Then on Monday GGG came over to my house for the first time. He was hooked on my 360 like drugs.

Then on Tuesday he asked if he could come over again! I just felt like saying “AGAIN?” but I was kind and didn’t say it. I made a excuse and he didn’t come, then for the REST of the week he asked me again! Today, he asked me in 4th period, I said “No”, he asked me when we were waiting for our buses, “No” and finally when I got home after about 3 hours he called and asked again!

I am officially creeped out. Hold me NG.

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It is normal to be in a relationship and still look at other people. But what happens if your significant other is addicted to watching them have sex?

People may chuckle at the thought of porn addiction- but it really not a laughing matter. Porn/sex addiction is just as debilitating as other addictions to substances such as drugs or alcohol.

It can completely ruin someone’s life. What does it mean though if it is your significant other that is the one suffering from porn addiction?

Read on to find out what to do to help the, help yourself, and how to cope in general.

1. Porn addiction- What exactly is it?

I feel as though it is important to explain what porn addiction entails- I feel like this is a topic that many people do not talk about. I get it, it is an uncomfortable thing to discuss.

Porn addiction is very real, just as alcohol addiction, drug addiction, gambling, eating, any kind of addiction is. We all know what porn is- and most likely many of us have watched it, whether it be for pleasure or honestly for a good laugh.

Many people- especially men- watch pornography.

It is not an unhealthy thing to do. Just like having a glass of wine- it is not unhealthy, whatsoever. But just like an alcoholic who has much more than that glass of wine- that is what porn addiction entails.

It is when someone cannot stop watching porn, and they also have to watch more and more to be able to have an orgasm.

Just like a drug addict that builds up a tolerance to whatever they are using. Porn addiction can affect someone’s life in an extremely negative way and cause them to become very isolated and depressed.

It can cause them to lose their jobs- people who are addicted to pornography can get uncontrollable urges to watch porn or masturbate at any time, which can lead to everything in their life revolving around that.

This can also lead to sex addiction, even though porn addiction is a form of sex addiction- this can lead to unfaithfulness in relationships- which of course, causes a whole other kind of mess.

Some people watch porn to distract themselves from other problems that may be going on in their life or if they are depressed- which then can snowball into an addiction.

My whole point is that it is extremely important to understand that porn addiction should not be taken lightly- especially if it is your significant other that is addicted to it.

2. How you can cope with all of that

I cannot even imagine discovering that my significant other is addicted to watching other people having sex, and constantly viewing other naked females.

Of course, it can make you feel extremely insecure about yourself. It may make you think, am I not good enough? Was I not attractive enough, or good enough in bed?

It is very important to know that their addiction to watching pornography has nothing to do with YOU, whatsoever.

Your significant other is in love with you, completely- they just so happen to have this addiction. Just like someone who is an alcoholic and may be married or in a relationship- they love their significant other- they just have a problem.

It is also important to know that when you are having sex with your significant other, it may cause frustration- people who are addicted to porn can actually have less of an emotional connection to who they are having sex with- or may try to act more dominant and aggressive.

You need to make sure that you are safe and not uncomfortable- do not do anything that you are not okay with. I know that this may be so uncomfortable for you to talk about to someone, but it is important to have people in your life that you can talk to about this.

Porn addiction of course does not affect just the person that is going through it- it truly affects their significant other. You should not have to go through this alone.

Especially if your significant other is isolating themselves- you need to be able to talk to someone, so you do not get extremely depressed as well. Know that just like any other addiction, there is help for this.

There is a way for you to get back the person that you are in love with- not who they have become. Watching your significant other go through any kind of addiction is devastating- and you should not have to go at it alone.

You need to do whatever is best for you- and you can only do so much to help as well. Nothing you choose to do about your relationship is wrong.

3. Getting help for his porn addiction

As with many people who are suffering from some kind of addiction, they often will deny that they have a problem. It is important to not enable any of their behaviors, and to talk to them, even if they get upset.

Anyone who is an addict is not exactly thinking clearly- to no fault of them.

They have a disease. Addicts need to be able to reach the point where they know that they need help, even if that means that they hit some kind of rock bottom.

When it comes to porn addiction, you know that what they are doing cannot physically kill them, unlike drugs and alcohol.

It cannot cause any kind of serious health condition. Except, if your partner is engaging in sex with other people and they catch some kind of STD. It is important to get yourself tested if you find out that your partner has been unfaithful to you.

Even though this addiction cannot cause any physical ailments- it is still extremely serious, and can cause many mental health problems as well.

The good news is that just like any kind of help one may get for any other kind of addiction, there is help out there for porn addiction.

There are different kinds of therapies that can help treat porn addiction, such as group therapy, which the addict and also their significant other can attend.

There is also cognitive behavioral therapy, which helps those come up with coping strategies for their behaviors.

Just like any other 12 step program for addiction- there is one for porn addiction as well. There is no shame in going to group therapies for this addiction- everyone is going through the same thing as you.

4. Curing porn addiction

At the moment there are no medications that are approved specifically for porn addiction, but there is a high correlation between mental health disorders and porn addiction, so sometimes being prescribed an anti-depressant may be of help.

There is also the option if inpatient treatment centers- where they will live at a facility and get round the clock help.

There are so many options out there for overcoming porn addiction- and also many support groups for the significant other.

There are psychologists and addiction counselors that specialize in this. If your partner is addicted to porn and you feel like you have completely lost them to the internet, know that you have not.

There are many couples who have gone through this and overcame it and now are strong and healthy.

It is important to be very understanding of each other- and also not just think that your boyfriend is some kind of hornball that that constantly needs sex or can’t be faithful.

That is absolutely not the case. There is help, and there is a way to overcome this.

Do you have any personal experiences with your significant other being addicted to porn/sex or any other kind of addiction?

Feel free to comment below. It may help someone out, or make them feel less alone.

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