Prayer for unity in marriage

by Praying Wife (United States)

Pray that God would remove all Jezebel spirits in my marriage. Others that have come in and caused confusion and stife between me and my spouse either we allowing it or through satan’s devices. Trust has been violated because of it and feeling betrayed and unappreciated.

When we should communicate and turn to each the attention has been given to outsiders family or so called friends mainly giving ungodly advice or speaking evil of our marriage. Infidelity has taken place but instead of asking forgiveness they use excuses to try to cover up their sin, and it has really destroyed the love and trust that is supposed to be there.

Where is the seal of protection when you know God answered prayers and put the two together but yet one or the other allowing satan and yielding to flesh to destroy that bond. The bible says what God hath joined together let no man put asunder, and No weapon formed against thee shall prosper.

I know we are not to question God but how long do we have to wait for a turn around a complete restoration in our marriage? Serving you to the best of our ability in unity and in love.

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On Saturdays this year, I’m talking about praying for your marriage bed. One of the first questions is How can we pray for their marriage bed? What do we pray for?

Immediately, it popped into my mind that we should pray for what Jesus prayed for us: unity (see John 17:11-23.).

prayer for unity in marriage

Not ironically, this is the biggest problem I hear about from couples who write me and comment on the blog. Husband and wife simply do not see eye-to-eye on some issue of sexual intimacy, or maybe even the whole kit-and-caboodle. For many couples, if they could just come to some kind of agreement, a plan to move forward in the right direction, they would experience both relief and hope.

Instead:

  • One spouse sees a problem, and the other ignores it.
  • One spouse pursues selfish pleasure in the bedroom, and the other feels neglected.
  • One spouse engages in sexual sin (e.g., porn), and the other feels powerless.
  • One spouse continually refuses sex, and the other feels devalued.
  • One spouse continually demands sex, and the other feels used.

You could probably list other scenarios, but all these are marriages at odds on what’s even going on. The opposite of unity is happening: frustration, resentment, anger, conflict, stonewalling, and shutting down altogether.

And yes, all this happens over sex.

Not because we’re selfish beings who want our fleshly pleasure, but because God specifically designed sex to be a physical, emotional, and spiritual bond between husband and wife. He said it was for unity: ” ‘And the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh” (Mark 10:8). Consummation, and continuation of that practice, are integral to covenant marriage.

How can we achieve unity? How can our marital bedrooms become places of peace? How can we live into the design of one flesh?

We’re told to seek and pursue peace (1 Peter 3:11, Romans 14:19), to strive for it (Hebrews 12:14), and to let it rule in our hearts (Colossians 3:15). Those all require intention and action on our part.

We should also follow the example of Jesus, by praying for peace, for unity, for one mind.

And not just “my mind.” Let’s be honest: This is how we often pray for unity regarding our sexual intimacy. Please, God, let him stop asking for sex so much. Or Please, God, increase his sex drive so he’ll want sex as much as I do.

Look, I’m not opposed to your spouse making changes. Odds are, they need to. But once we start praying for unity, it’s quite possible — rather likely — that God will want to change us. He might want us to do more to seek, pursue, and strive for peace. He might start working on our hearts so that peace can rule there, instead of the mountain of frustration we’ve hoarded over the years. He might expect us to speak up, reach out, seek help. He might need to smooth over our rough edges so that we can better fit into the one-flesh design He created.

So when we pray for unity, our prayer should be: God, guide me to know what I can do to pursue true peace in my marriage and unity in our marriage bed. Give me the right attitude in my heart, righteous wisdom in my mind, and the courage to take action when needed.

Mind you, “true peace” is not absence of conflict. You don’t have conflict with lots of people in the world, because you don’t have a relationship with them. So simply avoiding conflict doesn’t make for unity or peace. You might need to friction upfront to get to unity on the other side. But the Bible emphasizes the word one. Pray for that.

“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” (Psalm 133:1).

hotholyhumorous.com

On Saturdays this year, I’m talking about praying for your marriage bed. One of the first questions is How can we pray for their marriage bed? What do we pray for?

Immediately, it popped into my mind that we should pray for what Jesus prayed for us: unity (see John 17:11-23.).

Not ironically, this is the biggest problem I hear about from couples who write me and comment on the blog. Husband and wife simply do not see eye-to-eye on some issue of sexual intimacy, or maybe even the whole kit-and-caboodle. For many couples, if they could just come to some kind of agreement, a plan to move forward in the right direction, they would experience both relief and hope.

Instead:

  • One spouse sees a problem, and the other ignores it.
  • One spouse pursues selfish pleasure in the bedroom, and the other feels neglected.
  • One spouse engages in sexual sin (e.g., porn), and the other feels powerless.
  • One spouse continually refuses sex, and the other feels devalued.
  • One spouse continually demands sex, and the other feels used.

You could probably list other scenarios, but all these are marriages at odds on what’s even going on. The opposite of unity is happening: frustration, resentment, anger, conflict, stonewalling, and shutting down altogether.

And yes, all this happens over sex.

Not because we’re selfish beings who want our fleshly pleasure, but because God specifically designed sex to be a physical, emotional, and spiritual bond between husband and wife. He said it was for unity: ” ‘And the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh” (Mark 10:8). Consummation, and continuation of that practice, are integral to covenant marriage.

How can we achieve unity? How can our marital bedrooms become places of peace? How can we live into the design of one flesh?

We’re told to seek and pursue peace (1 Peter 3:11, Romans 14:19), to strive for it (Hebrews 12:14), and to let it rule in our hearts (Colossians 3:15). Those all require intention and action on our part.

We should also follow the example of Jesus, by praying for peace, for unity, for one mind.

And not just “my mind.” Let’s be honest: This is how we often pray for unity regarding our sexual intimacy. Please, God, let him stop asking for sex so much. Or Please, God, increase his sex drive so he’ll want sex as much as I do.

Look, I’m not opposed to your spouse making changes. Odds are, they need to. But once we start praying for unity, it’s quite possible — rather likely — that God will want to change us. He might want us to do more to seek, pursue, and strive for peace. He might start working on our hearts so that peace can rule there, instead of the mountain of frustration we’ve hoarded over the years. He might expect us to speak up, reach out, seek help. He might need to smooth over our rough edges so that we can better fit into the one-flesh design He created.

So when we pray for unity, our prayer should be: God, guide me to know what I can do to pursue true peace in my marriage and unity in our marriage bed. Give me the right attitude in my heart, righteous wisdom in my mind, and the courage to take action when needed.

Mind you, “true peace” is not absence of conflict. You don’t have conflict with lots of people in the world, because you don’t have a relationship with them. So simply avoiding conflict doesn’t make for unity or peace. You might need to friction upfront to get to unity on the other side. But the Bible emphasizes the word one. Pray for that.

“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” (Psalm 133:1).


entertintname.com

So far, I’ve been a wife for 493 days. I’ve loved every second of being David’s bride.

Over the past 493 days, we’ve learned that there are three things that significantly contribute to unity in our marriage: questions, prayer, and community. This week, I’d love to share why I am convinced prayer is the most important key to unity in marriage.

But first, I have to be honest. Prayer is not my strongest suit.

I am extremely task-oriented and often my “go-go-go” personality distracts me from taking time to converse with my loving God. Man, I’m so glad He is patient with me. I’ve learned that journaling my prayers is the best way for me to slowdown and focus. And after a year and a half of marriage I’ve learned –scratch that– I KNOW that prayer is absolutely necessary for our relationship.

Here is why:

  • God created marriage. He deserves to be included.
    • Marriage was created as a beautiful, real-life picture of Christ’s love for His church. What a privilege we have to represent something so wonderful to the rest of the world! As believers, we need to be continually abiding in Christ in order to clearly reflect the beauty of God’s love for his people.
  • I need constant help to remove my selfish tendencies.
    • Similar to asking thoughtful questions, praying regularly for David helps me forget about myself. It is also powerful and worth your time. When we take the time to lift up those we love to God, He listens. Oh, and as a side benefit, we usually forget about ourselves (at least for a little bit).
  • Prayer increases intimacy.
    • Yep, right up there with sex, praying together is one of the most intimate things two humans can do together. Being united spiritually is one of the most amazing feelings I have ever experienced. That type of deep relationship cannot happen without prayer.

Even though we are inconsistent and sometimes awkward at it (confession: last night I feel asleep during David’s prayer…), prayer has still dramatically improved the unity in our marriage. I cannot stress enough how important it has been not only for our friendship but also for our own individual relationships with God.

In case you are interested in starting to pray with your spouse or just need some help getting back in the habit, here are a few of topics that David and I pray about regularly:

We take time to thank God specifically for each other. When David does this, it means more to me than any love note he’s ever written.

We ask for continued unity and selflessness with each other and protection from temptation to put our own needs before the other person. If we are going through a difficult season or are in an argument we bring that to God too (sometimes in the middle of a conflict!)

Just like I do in my personal prayer life, David and I pray for our loved ones together. During the course of our marriage, both of David’s parent’s have been diagnosed with cancer. After a year and a half of chemo treatments, PET scans, and surgeries you’d think I’d know by now what to say to make him feel better.

Prayer still remains the best – no, the only answer. Laying our fears, worries, and our loved ones at the feet of our Creator is still the most loving thing I can do for David especially during rough times.

This is the same for all of our friends and family who are struggling or going through hard times. Rather than talking about how to fix their problems, David and I try our best to bring their stories before our God.

We believe that “the earth is the Lord’s and everything in it” (Psalm 24:1), even our paychecks, tax returns, 401Ks and bonus checks. Because of this, we believe that our finances will be an open topic of conversation with God for the rest of our lives. We consistently take time to thank God for His provision and to ask how He would like us to steward our financial resources.

This may not be a daily prayer topic for you and your spouse, but for us it is almost weekly. To be transparent, materialism is a sin-struggle for both David and I. Because we recognize this is as a temptation we’ve committed to bring this topic to the Lord very often.

I think this principal can apply to any area of temptation or struggle that you and/or your spouse are facing. Whatever it may be, bring it to God. Often.

I make a concerted effort to pray for David daily. He is truly a gift in my life and one of the very best ways I can love him is by praying for him.

I’ll be honest, sometimes I am lazy and just throw out a blanket prayer as I’m drifting off to sleep. Something general and all-encompassing like: “God, thanks for David. Please keep him safe and bless him.” But most days, my prayers for David are very specific.

I have a running list of topics that I pray through that are specifically related to my precious husband. I pray for his career, his temptations, and his fears. I pray for protection of his mind, I pray for his health, and I pray for growth in his relationship with Christ. (The book Power of Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian is a great resource if you are looking for a little help on what to pray about for your hubby!)

Since I often struggle with maintaining my attention span during prayer time, I usually bite off just one topic a night to chat with God about so I don’t get overwhelmed.

What are topics that you and your spouse pray about together? How has prayer produced fruit in your relationship?

Photo credit:

morganeseke.com

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