Being the parent of a terminally ill child is no easy task. The joy of a new day turns into fear that it may be the last one your child will see. You love this child that God has blessed you with. Yet, you fight everyday for strength to smile when all you want to do is cry. They are a part of you and you are a part of them. Their pain is your pain. Their fear is your fear. Their hope is your hope. Their prayers are your prayers. Sometimes we feel God is being unfair to this beautiful child He gave you. They deserve more time to live.
Here are some words of encouragement from the bible for you to meditate on:
We must remain faithful and trust in God’s plan.
The LORD is good, A stronghold in the day of trouble, And He knows those who take refuge in Him. (Nahum 1:7)
No parent prays for God to give them a sickly child. Parents pray the same prayer over their unborn child. “Let this baby be healthy”. When this prayer is not answered we must trust His plan for this child while he or she is here on this earth.
God knows your pain and afflictions.
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalms 34:18)
He knows how hard it is for you to stay positive in the sea of your sorrow. He knows the strength you must gather to fight away depression and despair. He is there hearing all your prayers.
God will never leave you comfortless.
“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” (John 14:18)
God loves you and your child. He will send the Comforter to you and your child during this time in your life. God will never leave you or your child, nor forsake either one of you.
God heals the brokenhearted.
He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds. (Psalms 147:3)
When your child’s journey on earth is at an end, great despair will come. The void your child will leave in your life will seem unbearable. Know this, God will wrap his everlasting arms around your shattered dreams, broken heart and torn soul. He will mend you. You will find peace, joy and love in their life once again.
This time in your life will be a testimony for others.
He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. (2 Corinthians 1:4)
The experiences of your child’s life and death are now your testimony to help parents. Every life is an inspiration to someone else’s affliction. When the time is right, you will be an extension of God’s comforting arms to another parent. Their life, once again, will have meaning and celebrated.
theprayingwoman.com
Those faced with a terminal illness know that their time to coming soon to an end. Many of us may fail to know the words to share during this time. For those confronted with death, here is a look at some good prayers for terminally ill to help pray for their deliverance and healing.
Prayer #1
The Lord is my shepherd;
I have everything I need.
He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to his name.
Even when I walk
through the dark valley of death,
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.
You prepare a feast for me
in the presence of my enemies.
You welcome me as a guest,
anointing my head with oil.
My cup overflows with blessings.
Surely your goodness and unfailing love
will pursue me all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord forever. Amen
Prayers #2
Hail Mary, full of grace.
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen
Prayer #3
Our Father who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name;
thy kingdom come;
thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation;
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
the power and the glory,
for ever and ever.
Amen
Prayer #4
Loving God, I thank you for ____ and for the wonderful gift of her time with us. Thank you for the joy she has brought and continues to bring to my life and the lives of so many others, and especially those who love her. Thank you also for the people who give her joy, those who love her, past and present.
I pray today for strength for _______ in her body and in her spirit: Strength to find whatever healing there is in this time and place, strength as she waits to come home to you when she is ready and You call her to be with You for eternity. I pray for courage for her family as they support her and love her and surround her in care.
Mostly, dear Lord, I pray for peace. Peace for _______ in her body as the pain fades away, peace for her family and loved one in their hearts as they wait with her, and peace for ______ in her spirit as she finds her true peace in you. As in all places, help us know that you are here with us, granting your peace.
In the name of Christ, who taught us not to fear death and showed us beyond doubt that God will grant us victory over mortality through Him, I pray.
Prayer #5
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures,
He leadeth me beside the still waters,
He restoreth my soul.
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil:
For thou art with me.
Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies.
Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Prayer #6
O most merciful Lord Jesus, by Thine agony and sweat of Blood, by Thy precious death, deliver us, we beseech Thee, from a sudden and unprovided death. O most kind Lord Jesus, by Thy most sharp and ignominious scourging and crowning with thorns, by Thy holy Cross and bitter Passion, by Thy loving-kindness, we humbly pray that Thou wouldst not suffer us to die unprovided with Thy holy Sacraments. O dearly beloved Lord Jesus, by all Thy labors and sorrows, by Thy Precious Blood and sacred Wounds, by those Thy last words on the Cross: “My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken Me?” and those others: “Father, into Thy hands I commend My spirit,” we most earnestly beseech Thee to deliver us from a sudden death. Grant us, we pray, room for repentance; grant us a happy passing in Thy grace, that so we may be able to love Thee, praise Thee and bless Thee forever.
Amen.
Check out this unique look into a young man’s life who was terminally ill as he captured his journey through his last days and shared his unique perspective on life.
connectusfund.org
For a Terminally Ill Woman or Girl
Loving God, I thank you for ____ and for the wonderful gift of her time with us. Thank you for the joy she has brought and continues to bring to my life and the lives of so many others, and especially those who love her. Thank you also for the people who give her joy, those who love her, past and present.
I pray today for strength for _______ in her body and in her spirit: Strength to find whatever healing there is in this time and place, strength as she waits to come home to you when she is ready and You call her to be with You for eternity. I pray for courage for her family as they support her and love her and surround her in care.
Mostly, dear Lord, I pray for peace. Peace for _______ in her body as the pain fades away, peace for her family and loved one in their hearts as they wait with her, and peace for ______ in her spirit as she finds her true peace in you. As in all places, help us know that you are here with us, granting your peace.
In the name of Christ, who taught us not to fear death and showed us beyond doubt that God will grant us victory over mortality through Him, I pray.
Amen.
Edvard Munch,
The Dying Child
For a Terminally Ill Man or Boy
Loving God, I thank you for ____ and for the wonderful gift of his time with us. Thank you for the joy he has brought and continues to bring to my life and the lives of so many others, and especially those who love him. Thank you also for the people who give him joy, those who love him, past and present.
I pray today for strength for _______ in his body and in his spirit: Strength to find whatever healing there is in this time and place, strength as he waits to come home to you when he is ready and You call him to be with You for eternity. I pray for courage for his family as they support him and love him and surround him in care.
Mostly, dear Lord, I pray for peace. Peace for _______ in his body as the pain fades away, peace for his family and loved one in their hearts as they wait with him, and peace for ______ in his spirit as he finds his true peace in you. As in all places, help us know that you are here with us, granting your peace.
In the name of Christ, who taught us not to fear death and showed us beyond doubt that God will grant us victory over mortality through Him, I pray.
Amen.
In Remembrance of One Departed
Almighty God, I remember this day before you your faithful servant , and pray that, having opened to the gates of larger life, you will receive more and more into your joyful service; that may win, with you and your servants everywhere, the eternal victory; through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.
Prayer for the Departed
Into your hands, O Lord, I commend the souls of your servants departed from this life and beseech you to grant them rest in the place of your rest, where all the blessed repose, and where the light of your countenance shines forever.
And I pray also to grant that my present life may be godly, sober, and blameless, that I too may be made worthy to enter into your heavenly Kingdom with those I love but see no longer: for you are the Resurrection, and the Life, and the Repose of your departed servants, O Christ our God, and unto you I ascribe all glory: to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; now and ever, and unto ages of ages.
Amen.
Prayer for a Child Who Has Died
God of all mystery, whose ways are beyond understanding, lead us, who grieve at this untimely death, to a new and deeper faith in your love, which brought your only Son Jesus through death into resurrection life. May _____ take his place among your sweet angels, and live in peace and happiness forever in the shining light of your blessed kingdom.
Look with pity on the suffering of this family in their loss. Sustain them in their anguish; and into the darkness of their grief bring the light of your love. This we pray in Jesus’ name,
Amen.
Prayer at the Death of a Friend or Loved One
Lord God, creator of all, you have made us creatures of this earth but have also promised us a share in life eternal: receive our thanks and praise that, through the passion and death of Christ, your child ________ , our brother/sister, whom we commend into your hands today, shares with your saints in the joy of heaven, where there is neither sorrow nor pain, but life everlasting. Alleluia.
Amen.
Prayer for a Grieving Family
Father of mercies and God of all consolation, You pursue us with untiring love and dispel the shadow of death with the bright dawn of light. Comfort Your family in their loss and sorrow. Be our refuge and our strength, O Lord, and lift us from the depths of grief into the peace and light of Your Presence.
Your Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, by dying has destroyed our death, and by rising, restored our life. Enable us therefore to press on toward him, so that, after our earthly course is run, He may reunite us with those we love, when every tear will be wiped away. We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.
For the Departed
We give back to you, O God, those whom you gave to us. You did not lose them when you gave them to us, and we do not lose them by their return to you. Your dear Son has taught us that life is eternal and love cannot die. So death is only an horizon, and an horizon is only the limit of our sight.
Open our eyes to see more clearly, and draw us closer to you that we may know that we are nearer to our loved ones, who are with you. You have told us that you are preparing a place for us; prepare us also for that happy place, that where you are we may also be always, O dear Lord of life and death.
Amen.
For Those Who Mourn
Almighty Holy Spirit of God, bringer of all mercies and giver of all comfort: Deal graciously, I pray, with all those who mourn , that case every care upon you, they may know the consolation of your love; through Jesus Christ our Lord,
Amen.
dailyprayer.us
Despite the health care team’s best efforts, it may not be possible to cure your child’s cancer. But this does not mean it is untreatable. Children with advanced cancer sometimes live for many months or even years. During this time, treatment focuses on controlling the cancer, when possible, and managing symptoms. This makes it possible for the child to enjoy a high quality of life for as long as possible.
Parents play a crucial role in helping a child continue to live a fulfilling and comfortable life and prepare for a peaceful death. You should talk openly and honestly with your child’s health care team about your family’s feelings, preferences, and concerns. Many team members have special skills, experience, and knowledge to support children with advanced cancer and their families.
Caring for your child’s symptoms and side effects
The following are special types of medical care to help with symptoms for children with advanced cancer:
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Palliative care. Palliative care, also known as supportive care, focuses on relieving the side effects of cancer or its treatment. Doctors provide this care at any stage of the disease to maintain the best quality of life possible for patients. Palliative care helps a child with cancer live as comfortably as possible. It also addresses the psychological, social, and spiritual needs of the child and his or her family.
Palliative care is not an alternative to cancer treatment. Children with cancer often receive treatment for the cancer and treatment to ease side effects at the same time. Palliative care is given as early as possible in the cancer treatment process, and it continues throughout the course of the cancer. Learn more about palliative care.
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Hospice care. This type of palliative care is provided to patients who are expected to live 6 months or less. In the past, hospice care was only for children who were no longer receiving cancer treatment. But hospice care and cancer treatment can now be given at the same time for children who have limited time to live. Children can also continue receiving palliative care while in hospice care. Hospice services are often focused on giving the support needed for care at home. But both palliative care and hospice services may be provided in a hospital or in a private care facility.
Many families want their children to spend most of their remaining time in the comfort of their own home, surrounded by family, pets, and special belongings. Hospice care enables most children to remain at home for as long as possible. But some children and families are reassured by the hospital environment and find comfort in the close relationships they develop with the hospital staff and other children. As a result, some families may choose to receive care at the hospital, rather than at home. Talk with your child’s health care team about the setting that feels best to you, your child, and your family. Learn more about hospice care.
The importance of talking with your child
Talking about death is a difficult step in caring for a child with advanced cancer. Below are a few things to consider when making this decision:
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How and when you talk with your child about the subject is a personal decision.
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This decision is influenced by many factors, including the expected course of your child’s cancer and your opinion about what information is appropriate to tell your child. If your child’s cancer advances slowly, you may have more time to decide how to approach it. If your child’s cancer develops more rapidly, you may choose to talk with your child right away. You are the best judge of what and when to tell your child.
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Some parents believe they can protect their child by not telling them the truth. But most children with advanced cancer already know or suspect that they are dying. They may figure this out from watching the adults around them and the changes they experience inside their bodies. Keeping this information from your child does not give him or her the chance to share their worries and ask questions.
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Be honest and open. Your child will feel less anxious if he or she knows what to expect. And talking about your child’s death enables both of you to have closure by sharing memories, expressing love, and saying goodbye.
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Allow your child to discuss his or her fears and questions. Knowing how your child views death will help you understand how to respond to their questions.
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A major factor influencing your child’s understanding of death is his or her developmental level. For example, preschool-aged children are too young to understand the concept of death, particularly its permanence. School-aged children are just beginning to understand death as a final separation. Meanwhile, teenagers typically have an adult understanding of death, but it directly challenges their feelings of immortality and their growing need for independence.
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Your child’s understanding of death is also influenced by cultural norms, your family’s religious beliefs, and what he or she sees on television or reads in books.
How to talk with your child about death
Talking about death and dying is always difficult. Ask social workers, nurses, child life psychologists, or other specialists for advice about how to talk about death with your child. The following tips may also be helpful:
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Look for signs that your child is ready to talk, such as asking questions or bringing up the subject of death. And look for signs that your child is done talking for the moment. These include changing the subject, looking away, fidgeting, or playing with toys.
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Look for teachable moments, or everyday opportunities to talk about what your child is thinking and feeling. Teachable moments may include the death of a pet or the illness of a character in a book or a movie.
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Use simple, direct language that your child can understand. For example, use the words death and dying, rather than misleading or confusing terms such as “passing away” or “going to sleep.”
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Ask open-ended questions that give your child the chance to answer in his or her own way. For example, ask, “How did you feel when Grandma died?” Open-ended questions are better than “yes” or “no” questions, such as, “Were you sad when Grandma died?”
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Look for hidden meanings in your child’s questions or comments. For example, your child may ask, “What do you think happened to Grandma after she died?” This may be your child’s way of asking what will happen to him or her.
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Allow younger children to communicate through play or art. For example, your child may find it easier to talk about the feelings of a sick teddy bear or a child in a picture.
When discussing death, the following reassurances can be especially helpful for your child:
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Reassure your child that he or she will not be alone. It is important for children to know their parents will be with them when they die and that parental love and support will continue.
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Reassure your child that all pain and suffering goes away after death and never comes back.
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Remind your child of the special things he or she has done and the teachers, friends, nurses, and others who will always remember him or her.
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Discuss your family’s religious or spiritual beliefs about death and what happens after death.
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Give your child “permission” to die, if you believe that will help. Many dying children feel guilty leaving their parents and worry about what will happen to their family without them.
How to meet your child’s needs
Although parents often feel powerless caring for a child with advanced cancer, you can take steps to help meet your child’s psychosocial and physical needs. As your child’s cancer progresses, the needs will change. Pay close attention to your child’s behavior to adjust to these changing needs.
Here are some tips to help your child experience the fullness of childhood for as long as possible:
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Give your child time to play and engage in other age-appropriate activities, such as watching television, reading, or exploring the outdoors.
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Encourage your child to continue attending school, even if he or she cannot attend full time. If your child must miss school for a long time, ask the teacher to have the class write letters, draw pictures, or make videos.
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Encourage your child to maintain friendships and other meaningful relationships.
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Encourage your child to continue setting goals. Short-term goals, such as learning to read or taking a special trip, help children gain a sense of achievement and give meaning to their lives.
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Continue setting limits on your child’s behavior and practicing normal parenting. Without limits, your child will feel overwhelmed and out of control.
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Advocate for your child to make sure that pain and other symptoms are quickly treated.
As your child’s cancer progresses and death approaches, he or she will have additional needs. Consider taking these steps during that time:
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Give your child as much privacy and independence as possible.
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Encourage your child’s end-of-life wishes. These may include giving away special belongings, writing letters to friends, or going on a special adventure. Learn about organizations that help children fulfill their wishes before the end of life.
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Give your child time to say goodbye to family, friends, teachers, and other special people. This can be done in person, with letters, or through a parent.
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Make your child’s health care team aware of your child’s ongoing physical needs, especially the need for pain management.
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Talk about the physical symptoms and changes your child can expect as his or her cancer progresses. But avoid scaring him or her. Remind your child that his or her health care team will help make the symptoms better. Knowing what to expect will ease your child’s anxiety and fear.
How to find support for yourself
It is not natural for parents to outlive their children. Nothing can erase the sadness and distress that parents experience caring for a child with advanced cancer. But there are ways to make you feel less alone. The following suggestions may help you cope:
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Talk with your spouse, family members, or friends about your feelings and fears. It is normal to experience emotions such as anger, guilt, and frustration.
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Seek support from a professional grief counselor, or join a support group with other parents of children with advanced cancer.
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Take advantage of offers for help from family and friends to ease your physical and emotional exhaustion.
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Ask your child’s health care team to explain symptoms that happen close to death, such as skin and breathing changes. Knowing what to expect will help you feel more prepared.
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Make sure advance directives and other such documents are in place before you need them.
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Consider making funeral arrangements and other plans, such as deciding whether to have an autopsy, in advance. By planning ahead, you can spend more relaxed time with your child at the end of life and avoid making decisions in a crisis.
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Spend time with your child, and tell him or her how much you love him or her. Some parents, children, and other family members find it helpful to look through photo albums and share stories and memories of times spent together.
Learn more about taking care of yourself as a caregiver.
Related Resources
How a Child Understands Cancer
Grieving the Loss of a Child
Care Through the Final Days
www.cancer.net
