Losing a baby is one of the most painful experiences we can have in this life.
We’re coming up to Good Friday and Easter, the Christian celebration of Jesus’ death and resurrection.
I know that many of my readers are walking through deep pain right now–readers who would love to have a baby to hold, but don’t either because of infertility or because of miscarriage and baby death.
As I’ve shared before, and as I’ve written about in my book How Big Is Your Umbrella, my baby boy passed away when he was 29 days old. The idea of losing a son has always had special significance to me and my husband.
For twelve years I wrote a column in our local paper and several others, and one of the most popular columns I ever wrote was a prayer for those who had lost babies (even secular papers published it!). And I thought I would run it for all of you today, since tomorrow is Good Friday and we’ll all be remembering that God also went through this pain–the pain of watching a child die.
When a child dies it feels as if the physical laws of the universe have been violated.
You needed that child far more than you need the very oxygen you breathe, and yet that child is gone, and your lungs keep working. Your very breath is a betrayal, and squeezes your chest worse than any violence ever could. So I pray that you will be able to take each breath, and that eventually simply living won’t hurt like this anymore.
And I pray that in your grief you and your spouse will be able to turn to each other. The death of a child strains a marriage in a way little else does. It’s not fair, but you face a crossroads. I pray you will walk this valley together, and that the journey will strengthen you, rather than separate you.
I pray that people will surround you with practical help, that they will hug and that they will listen. I pray that your friends won’t scatter because they feel awkward, but that they will be patient, even when the grief seems to be lasting longer than others think it should. I pray that if your grief is from a miscarriage or a stillbirth, people will still understand the depth of your pain.
I also pray that you will be able to take each day as it comes.
When a child dies, and especially a baby who did not have the chance to become part of your daily routine, on the outside it is almost as if he or she never existed. And yet, for you that child was your very heart. If you let go of the grief, it is as if you are letting go of the last thing that ties you to your baby. Remember, though, that grief is not something that disappears. Sometimes grief is overt, but other times you feel fine. I pray that you will embrace those moments when you feel peace, because there will be moments—even if it’s days, weeks, or years later—when the grief will return, unbidden, in full force. Be grateful for good days and do not feel guilty for them. Smiling is not betraying your child.
At the same time, I pray that when those good days become the norm, even if it’s years down the road, that you will not feel like you are going crazy if the grief suddenly hits you hard again.
You’re not regressing, or starting at square one. This is the way of grief, and know that it never completely disappears. If we are honest, we probably wouldn’t want it any other way. So I pray that in those moments when you can’t breathe again that you will still experience peace, and know that this intensity will again subside.
I pray that you will remember that everyday that passes is not one more day further away from your child, but instead one more day that you are closer to meeting him or her again.
And finally, I pray that one day you will be able to remember with laughter, and not just with tears.
Are you trying to have a baby or do you want to conceive a child? The proceeding prayer for a baby will help you in this season of frustration and helplessness.
God’s original intent is for man to have an intimate relationship with Him and to procreate and subdue the earth. As such, deep into a man’s heart and spirit is the desire, yearning, and longing to have a partner and build a family together through their children. Father God put this built-in propensity of mankind to relate, commune, love, be loved, and multiply.
For the majority of the population since the beginning of time, there is a desire to find a spouse, marry, and bear children. However, statistics show that a number of married couples are incapable of procreation thereby denying them of the enjoyment of having their own kids.
The Scriptures is replete with many examples of parents particularly women who were barren, infertile or unable to have a child. Like for instance, Sarah, the wife of Abraham way back in the Genesis account. God spoke and promised to Abraham that he will become the father of many nations and his descendants will be as numerous as the stars in the skies and the sands on the seashores. Many years have gone by but the promise seemed elusive. Out of desperation and frustration, the couple devised their own scheme to bear a child, Ishmael through Hagar, Sarah’s maidservant. But, God’s promise of a child (Isaac) happened when they least expected it.
Then there’s Rebecca, the lady who agreed to marry someone (Isaac) whom she has never seen nor met initially. She was infertile for twenty (20) years until Isaac declared a prayer for a baby for her and she was able to bear the twins—two nations — Esau and Jacob.
Rachel, the second wife of Jacob also was barren but God opened the womb of her older sister Leah, Jacob’s first wife when Leah was not loved. Later on, Rachel bore Joseph and Benjamin.
Who have not heard of the beautiful story of Hannah? His husband Elkanah had another wife Peninnah with children and year after year when they worship God and sacrifice at Shiloh, Peninnah will irritate and insult Hannah for being barren. Until one day, Eli the high priest saw her thinking she was drunk for being down in heart and whispering to herself. In reality, Hannah was uttering a prayer to have a child. It happened and the child became the Prophet Samuel who anointed King Saul and King David.
In the New Testament, Elizabeth the cousin of Mary, the earthly mother of Jesus was also well advanced in age without any child. God granted her desire and gave her John the Baptist, the preparer for the way of the Lord Jesus Christ.
These women are much like you and me longing to have a child. Many years passed by and it seemed that God has forgotten them and His promises to each one of them. They never wavered nor faltered and better yet, they persevered in faith believing and trusting in God.
You may be married right now and you may have known the Lord for many years or decades. Day by day, you and your spouse are constantly and consistently praying to God for a baby and yet nothing is still happening despite all efforts, sacrifices, and untainted devotion.
Do not lose hope, keep on asking, knocking, believing. Do not just hope but expect things from God.
Do not pray wishes, do not pray dreams. Pray the word of God as exemplified by the characters in the Bible who waited patiently for not only years but decades and God came through for them in due time.
God’s ways are not our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. (Isaiah 55.8) Sometimes, God moves in mysterious ways but be assured that He makes all things beautiful in His time. (Ecclesiastes 3.11)
For couples praying and trying to have a baby, it is best to allow God to cleanse you from all unconfessed sins. If we cherish sin in our hearts, the Lord will not hear or listen to our prayers. Do a spiritual inventory of thoughts, meditations of the heart, words, actions, habits and even sins of omission. God will be pleased if we come clean, pure, and holy before Him in love in all areas of our lives. Here’s a prayer for removing generational sins.
Begin thanking the Lord for the child. We can call on things that are not as though they were. (Romans 4.17) Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not yet seen. (Hebrew 11.1) Bless the Lord for all His goodness, attributes, and character. Declare, believe and live out the promises of God for you and your family. Meditate on the passages of Scriptures or the stories where God was true to His word and delivered His promises.
Bless your life, your bodies, and everything concerning you and your spouse. Bless your reproductive and sexual organs to be able to conceive or bear a child. Lay hands on your womb and continue to believe God for a miracle. By faith and in the supernatural, cancel all the diagnosis of the medical professionals that you or your partner were barren or sexually dysfunctional. God can turn around all those negative pronouncements and make His power real in your life.
For the practical side of it, maintain and achieve a healthy diet and lifestyle. Eat healthy foods, exercise, sleep, wake up, and eat on time. Do a research on the sexual and reproductive aspects. Lessen, if not remove, stress and pressures in your life. Put everything in balance, rhythm, and harmony – intimacy with God, spouse, career, business, ministry, finances, time, relationships.
You may pray this prayer to have a child—
“Abba Father, thank You for giving me hope and expectation that one day I will conceive and bear my own child. Your ears are not closed to my prayers and you know the deepest desires and intentions of my heart. I love You, Lord and it is You who put this longing to be a mother/father and consummate our marriage through the gift of a child. I repent for the many times that I almost gave up and felt frustrated, lonely, and miserable… for doubting your promises, power, and wisdom in the dark days of our lives. I let go of all the stress, pressures, fears, pains, shame, and grief associated with this yearning to have a child and I put this in Your hands.
I bless You Lord for You are in full control and dominion over everything great and small. Nothing is hidden from Your sight and You have the ability, authority, and majestic power to do what I cannot do for myself, my spouse, and our future and destiny. I completely entrust our lives in Your hands knowing that You know what is best for us. I come to You now reminding You of Your wonderful promises to me and my family. No good thing will You withhold from those whose walk is blameless. Those who put their hope and trust in You will never be put to shame nor disappointed. That if I abide You and Your Words abide in Me, I can ask for whatever I wish and it will be granted to me.
I bless our bodies that we can produce and conceive a child. I bless our sexual and reproductive organs to function to the way God originally intended for them to function. I bless my intimacy and union with my spouse to be clean and pure before the eyes of God and that out of our love for God and love for each other, a child will be formed and this child will bind our love for each other and he/she will be used by God for his kingdom.
Thank You Father God for giving us your Son, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit to save, heal, deliver, and restore us. Jesus Himself was born to an earthly mother and it was such a joy for Mary to conceive and bear Him, the Savior of the world. Grant me this same privilege and joy to conceive and bear a child in Your own perfect time. My sorrows will turn into joy (John 16.20), my wailing into dancing. (Psalm 30.11) This is my prayer for a baby, In Jesus’ precious name. Amen.”
There is a story of one young lady trying to have a baby and cannot conceive a child properly. She became pregnant but after 6-8 weeks of conception her body will produce anti-bodies killing the baby in her womb. It happened twice. So, for the third baby, the ob-gyn advised her to inject in her stomach daily for nine months of conception so that the baby will live. She did not heed the doctor’s prescription but just believed God for the baby to conceive well. She visited a local Christian Healing Rooms for prayer and the baby was formed and born normally without any injections whatsoever. Right now, she has two children aged 3 and 6 months both healthy and without any disability or deformation. Not that we are against medicines because sometimes you will need the medicine but always remember that it is the Lord that does it!
If God can give a child to Sarah, Rebecca, Hannah, Rachel, and Elizabeth, He can do the same for you. Every time you feel frustrated and losing hope, return to this prayer for a baby and you will find encouragement. It is God’s will. Always remember that EVERY story in the bible of barrenness where prayer was applied it was answered with conception. Did we say EVERY? Yes, EVERY person in the bible who prayed for a child received it. We serve a God who is no respecter of persons which means if He will do it for those women in the bible He will also do it for you. Be patient, have faith and believe God.
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For a Prayer of Faith
by Susan (Suomi)
Dear Lord God Almighty,
I come to you humbly Lord and thank you for all the many blessings of life that you have given me. I ask Lord, for your forgiveness as to the mistakes I have made concerning my body and my fertility, but I know O Lord that you are able to heal me and reverse the mistake that I have made. You are the giver of life Lord. I ask in the name of Jesus Christ that my tubes be healed and I am allowed to conceive one more time. All things according to your will God. I will praise you anyway Lord. You know heart God and the desire of my heart. I put my faith and trust in you Lord. Amen
Return to Fertility prayer
“In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.” Job 12:10 NIV
Long before we’re striding through the race of parenthood, the “what if” worrying begins. Tiny humans remind us how helpless we are at the life’s first breath, but the God who omnisciently knows us (Psalm 139:16), holds us safely in His mighty hands. The Hebrew word for hand, in the context of Job 12:10, “represents stewardship and personal responsibility.” God is a personal God (Isaiah 43:3), and He cares for us. (Matthew 6:26)
Though God tells us not to worry (Matthew 6:25-34), angst is often our gut reaction to all things “baby.” God assures us that every life has a purpose (Exodus 9:16), He is in control (Philippians 4:6-7), and that we, above all else, are to love. (1 Peter 4:8) Let’s pray, today, not only for the physical health of the newest generation, but for their steadfast pursuit of Christ. May we be leaders and guides more often than control freaks and worriers, encouragers over fear mongers, and know when to let go and let God. Use the following to pray for your baby with words of hope, peace and security.
I praise you for new life, newborns, and growing families, for the anticipation of a life forever changed for first parents and the overwhelming joy of repeated blessing for growing families. Whether the first or multiple child, birth carries a set of worries that only the power of the Holy Spirit can quench. Today, we praise You for that Holy Spirit power and the sacrificial death of Your Son, Jesus to provide it! Father, You sent Your own Son to earth in a womb. He was born as vulnerable as all babies are. When we are tempted to think that the world can never be safe enough for our children to grow up in, remind us of Your omnipotent control and overwhelmingly powerful love for each of us. When we look at our newborn babies, help us to recognize them as Yours, and know undoubtedly that Your plan for their lives is good.
Job 12:10 reminds us that Your “hand cradles the life of every creature on the face of the earth …” and that Your “breath fills the nostrils of humans everywhere.” Help us to remember this verse and the powerful promise of Your protection and connectedness to us, and ultimately our children. So often, as parents, we feel that everything is up to us. We count wet diapers, track daily feelings and monitor sleep habits. It’s easy to get caught up in the mirage of control. Help us to relax into the habits of raising our babies without the worry that threatens to distract us from the simple newborn joys. Help us to recall this truth when we are overtired and overwhelmed. Father, protect us and our families and friends from the fresh batch of emotions that threaten to derail us as our bodies and lives adjust to the change of additional life.
Remind us that each life is significant in Your eyes. “Because I, the Eternal One, am your God. I am the Holy One of Israel, and I will save you. I have traded nations to win you back, Egypt, Cush, and Seba, in exchange for your freedom.” This Old Testament verse from Isaiah 43:3 brings Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross to the top of our minds. Father, You have been pursuing our hearts from ancient times, and through the cross, Your presence in our daily lives is now palpable.
Thank You for loving us in such a way it sits beyond our human understanding. You love our children in the same way, more than we ever could—though our hearts seem to burst into another level of love as soon as we know they are in womb, let alone cradled in our arms. You will pursue us and our children, always. Help us to find you, daily and teach our kids how to find you, too.
Worry is a big threat to our parental sanity. Forgive us for allowing it to walk all over our boundaries of faith. Teach us and remind us, by the power of the Holy Spirit, to refute worry with Truth. Matthew 6:26 states,“Look at the birds in the sky. They do not store food for winter. They don’t plant gardens. They do not sow or reap- and yet, they are always fed because your heavenly Father feeds them. And you are even more precious to Him than a beautiful bird. If He looks after them, of course He will look after you.”
Father, we pray this verse over our lives and our children today, that our lives may reflect our acknowledgement of this Truth. We are precious to You. Our children are precious to You. Equip us to walk in that legacy with such tenacity that our children follow us right to Your feet.
Thank you for the gift of life and parenthood. Bless our babies to be healthy physically, spiritually, and mentally. May they seek You all of their days. We pray their future friendships and marriages are centered in love and kindness, for our families to live in peace and our homes to serve and glorify You. 1 Peter 4:8 commands us to “Most of all, love each other steadily and unselfishly, because love makes up for so many faults.”
Above all lessons we teach our children, may love be the one they hold closest and apply the most to their own hearts and to the world around them. Habitually humble our pride when an apology is warranted, for even babies sense empathy. Bless us to be compassionate and encouraging parents, able to lead our kids in love and kindness in a world that would rather throw blows, point fingers, and place blame. You have many lessons and much to work in our hearts through parenthood. May we be open, accepting, and able to grow in Your love each day.
Bless our baby. Bless him/her to find their unique purpose in this world and live it out with abandon for Your glory. May they experience joy and peace to the fullest, from their first breath to their last. Bless their lives with Christ-following freedom—an unabashed, all-inclusive, everlasting love.
In Jesus’ Name,
Meg writes about everyday life within the love of Christ on her blog, A stay-at-home mom, freelance writer and blogger, Bible study and children’s worship team leader, she resides in Ohio with her husband of ten years, two daughters, and their Golden-doodle.
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