Catholic prayers grief

By John Mallon
©1996, 2005 by John Mallon
Catholic Online

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.”

“At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.” — C.S. Lewis, opening paragraphs of A Grief Observed

I read an article recently which reported that some people are growing tired of the pain of those who lost loved ones in the OKC bombing and think those suffering bereavement ought to “get on with life.” Such an attitude shows the still widespread ignorance in society about the nature of emotional pain, grief, depression and other related conditions. The terrors of post-traumatic stress disorder haunting actual survivors are only beginning to come to light. Bereavement and grief are natural processes which must run their course. This is a natural healing process and as a natural process the time it will take to run its course varies from person to person. One year is by no means “long enough” for everybody.

Grieving people need understanding, need to be listened to — not talked at — they need patience. While it is true that some people can become obsessed with grief in an unhealthy way, the determination of the length of grief’s course is best left to the bereaved and those providing appropriate and competent, preferably professional, care for them. For some people that may be a lifetime. And if it is, it is not their fault. Grieving people have enough to cope with just getting out of bed each day without the added burden of guilt because they sense someone else is “inconvenienced” or impatient with their suffering. It is not easy to live or work with a depressed or grieving person, but it is a lot easier than being a depressed or grieving person. If they could stop the horror in their abdomen or the ringing in their brains, believe me they would.

Telling the bereaved to “snap out of it” is like telling someone with a broken leg to go ice skating. If they could, they would. Yes, they will skate again, in time, but attempting to do so prematurely only risks reinjury and prolongs the healing process. Dr. John Andrus, chief of psychiatry at St. Anthony’s Hospital told Newsweek magazine at the time of the bombing — and me in a later conversation — that some people may require years and years of therapy to cope with what happened.

Viktor Frankl, a Jewish psychiatrist who survived Auschwitz, and later became a convert to Catholicism, said in his classic book Man’s Search for Meaning, that we could survive any “how” as long as we knew the “why”. That is, if we could somehow find meaning in our suffering we could draw strength from it to continue on and survive. The “whys” of the OKC bombing, or the horrors of the Nazis, come under the great mystery of evil. But as his book shows, after the initial shocks, Frankl, coped, and ultimately survived the death camp by observing day to day life there as the clinician that he was, gathering research in his mind on how people cope with and endure such extreme evils, planning a book based on the experience that would help people. He certainly knew people would need help when it was all over. He had every intention of surviving and helping the other survivors when the time came. Living through it with purpose got him through. Man’s Search for Meaning is the book.

For the Christian the ultimate meaning of our suffering is found in the Cross of Christ — where the greatest evil that ever happened–the murder of God — Deicide — resulted in the greatest good that ever happened: Redemption. Philosopher Peter Kreeft calls this “God’s jujitsu.” God used the force of the devil’s own evil to defeat him. We can endure evil and suffering. We can, with great suffering, adjust to evil’s results (although perhaps we should never adjust to evil itself).

In a recent editorial (SC 3/24/96) I criticized that form of (false) compassion as defined by the “culture of death” which seeks to sweep all suffering under the rug, or at least “out of the way” and seeks to “put people out of their misery” which really means “put them out of my misery.” An attitude which permits evil, while saying “I shouldn’t have to look at that.”

Real compassion means, literally, “to suffer with.” Suffering people are inconvenient. They remind us of our own brokenness which, however unpleasant, in Christ, is our greatest resource for offering hope and consolation to the world.

The bereaved of the OKC bombing do not need to hear that they “should be over it by now,” but reminded they have every reason and right to feel as bad as they need to for as long as they need to in God’s own good healing time. We are assured, in Christ, that someday our suffering will come to an end and we will be reunited with our beloved who died in His Grace. But in the meantime if we are not to deny Christ we cannot deny Him in the suffering of others.

It is my hope that one day we will stop seeing emotional suffering, bereavement, depression, etc. in terms of being “weak” or “strong” and use more realistic terms of what is healthy or unhealthy and thus we will stop waving a clock at these afflictions. To cry and grieve over terrible loss is healthy. To seek professional help with the extreme stress it brings on is healthy. To see a doctor about the illness (it is not a weakness) of depression is healthy.

For someone in the state of bereavement or depression it couldn’t end soon enough to suit them, but sometimes it just doesn’t and all too often they wince each morning should they discover it hasn’t lifted, yet, but that they still must face their daily routines despite it. All too often such people experience themselves as a burden and dread hearing that judgment confirmed by another.

Such people in their dread begin sentences with apologies and say “I know I shouldn’t feel this way …” when yes, they should feel that way and have every reason and right to be affirmed in what they are feeling. They do not need to apologize to the world for hurting, the world needs to apologize to them for insensitivity to their pain.

Grief is a journey with a beginning, a middle and an end. It is not for the faint-hearted. It takes tremendous courage and is extremely draining. It takes great strength and when it is over, leaves us with tremendous strength and even joy. But until then, it is a full time job.

If grief were a sacrament (and you could make a good argument that in Christ it is sacramental) sorrow would be the form while tears and the absence of the beloved would be the matter. Crying is essential. I am of the opinion that it takes a real man to cry. (Most women don’t need such permission). The grief process takes guts because it is gut-wrenching.

Grief is a very solitary experience. Others may sympathize, but are ultimately helpless to be much more than on-lookers, hopefully offering much love, support, care and respectful patience. Other bereaved people can empathize, but ultimately our grief is uniquely our own and, interiorly at least, it is a road we must walk alone — with one exception — we may invite Our Lord whose guts were wrenched in Gethsemani to accompany and guide us. Our Lord who is the Man of Sorrows knows the way for He is also the destination.

Grief is also a frightening experience — our identities may feel misplaced as we grope between who we were before our loss, and who we will be once we get out of the no-man’s land.

God may seem maddeningly absent in grief, but He is not. We may well be furious with Him. He can handle it. The bereaved of the bombing have lost so much and have come so far, each nobly struggling in his or her own way. Some choose to plunge into activism, others prefer to avoid all that. Everyone copes differently. But let us not deny them now what they need most: prayers, patience, love, understanding, support, presence when required and respect when they need to be alone, while letting them know we are available. And then, still more patience.

Survivors, bereaved friends and families, you are not a burden, you are precious, you are needed, your pain is sacred, and where you stand is holy ground. May God continue to bless and heal you, and may He grant us all the gift to be for you what you need.

Contact

John Mallon
https://www.catholic.org/featured/reality_check.php OK, US
John Mallon – Columnist, 405 720-2575

Email

[email protected]

Keywords

Grief, Bereavement, Suffering

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I commend you, my dear to almighty God, and entrust you to your Creator.

May you rest in the arms of the Lord who formed you from the dust of the earth.

May holy Mary, the angels and all the saints welcome you now that you have gone forth from this life.

May Christ who was crucified for you, bring you freedom and peace.

May Christ who died for you admit you into his garden of paradise.

May Christ, the true Shepherd, embrace you as one of his flock.

May he forgive all your sins, and set you among those he has chosen.

May you see your Redeemer face to face, and enjoy the vision of God, forever.

Saint Ann’s Media

Prayer for the Faithful Departed

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May their souls and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

Prayer in Suffering

O Lord, your sorrowing Mother stood by your cross; help us in our sorrows to share your sufferings.

Like the seed buried in the ground, you have produced the harvest of eternal life for us; make us always dead to sin and alive to God.

Shepherd of all, in death you remained hidden from the world; teach us to love our hidden spiritual life with you and the Father.

In your role as the new Adam, you went down among the dead to release all the just there since the beginning; grant that all who are dead in sin may hear your voice and rise to new life.

Son of the living God, you have allowed us through baptism to be buried with you; grant that we may also rise with you in baptism and walk in newness of life. Amen.

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Catholic Prayers, Novenas, Catholic Prayers For Children/The Dead

Catholic prayers are a wonderful resource to help us to grow in love with God and with each other! How’s your prayer life? Could it be better? Does life give you more stress than you can handle? Good news: You’re not alone! There are over 2000 years of Catholic prayers to help save the day and enrich your life!

Perhaps you’d just like to know more prayers (for all sorts of needs and occasions) or learn more about them. This collection features those important to every Catholic, daily prayers such as the Our Father. There are also some lesser known ones here that are quite beautiful and inspiring.

You’ll find thoughts in these pages to inspire you in your prayer life (and to help you deal with distractions!) written by Saints and other well known religious figures. For example, as Padre Pio of Pietrelcina would say, “Pray, hope, and don’t worry”.

Remember that God is never “too busy” to hear from you. Don’t be “too busy” for him! There are some daily Catholic prayers such as the Our Father and other good prayers that take only minutes to say, yet their benefits can last a lifetime!

Catholic prayers can do wonders for your soul. God gives us joy and strength through prayer. You can get a great sense of peace in good times and consolation in bad from them. Our Lord wants to give us the good things we ask for in accordance with His will. The more we pray the more we can grow in His grace.

Catholic Prayers Our Father

Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy Name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy Will be done,

on earth, as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Ave Maria

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women, and Blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Glory Be

Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.

Apostles’ Creed

I believe in God, the Father almighty, Creator of heaven and earth, and in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried; he descended into hell; on the third day he rose again from the dead; he ascended into heaven, and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty; from there he will come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting. Amen.

Act of Contrition

O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you, and I detest all my sins, because of your just punishments, but most of all, because they offend you, my God, who are all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of your grace, to sin no more, and to avoid the near occasions of sin. Amen.

The Angelus

V. The Angel of the Lord declared unto Mary.

R. And she conceived of the Holy Spirit.

Hail Mary, etc.

V. Behold the handmaid of the Lord,

R. Be it done unto me according to Thy word.

Hail Mary, etc.

V. And the Word was made flesh,

R. And dwelt amongst us.

Hail Mary, etc.

V. Pray for us, O most holy Mother of God,

R. That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

Let us pray.

Pour forth, we beseech Thee, O Lord, Thy grace into our hearts; that, as we have known the Incarnation of Christ Thy Son by the message of an Angel, so by His Passion and Cross we may be brought to the glory of the Resurrection. Through the same Christ our Lord. Amen.

Conformity to the Will of God

A Prayer to Saint Joseph

Great St. Joseph, to whose will the Savior subjected Himself, obtain for me the grace to subject myself in all things to the will of God. Through the merits you obtained when in the darkness of night you obeyed the angel’s commands, ask for me this grace, that nothing may detain me from fulfilling the will of God with perfect conformity. In the stable of Bethlehem, on the flight to Egypt, you recommended yourself and those dear to you to divine Providence. Ask for me this same grace to conform myself to the will of God in discouragement and despondency, in health and sickness, in happiness and misfortune, in success and failure so that nothing may disturb the tranquility of my soul in obediently following the way of God for me. Amen.

Prayer of Consecration to the Immaculate Heart

Queen of the Most Holy Rosary, and tender Mother of all people, I consecrate myself to your Immaculate Heart, and recommend to you my family, my country, and the whole human race. Please accept my consecration, dearest Mother, and use me as you wish, to accomplish your designs upon the world. O Immaculate Heart of Mary, Queen of Heaven and earth, rule over me, and teach me how to allow the Heart of Jesus to rule and triumph in me and around me, as it has ruled and triumphed in you. Amen.

To Our Lady of the Rosary

O Virgin Mary, grant that the recitation of thy Rosary may be for me each day, in the midst of my manifold duties, a bond of unity in my actions, a tribute of filial piety, a sweet refreshment, an encouragement to walk joyfully along the path of duty. Grant, above all, O Virgin Mary, that the study of thy fifteen mysteries may form in my soul, little by little, a luminous atmosphere, pure, strengthening, and fragrant, which may penetrate my understanding, my will, my heart, my memory, my imagination, my whole being. So shall I acquire the habit of praying while I work, without the aid of formal prayers, by interior acts of admiration and of supplication, or by aspirations of love. I ask this of thee, O Queen of the Holy Rosary, through Saint Dominic, thy son of predilection, the renowned preacher of thy mysteries, and the faithful imitator of thy virtues. Amen.

Novenas

Its name deriving from the Latin word “novem,” meaning “nine,” a novena is nine days’ private or public devotion in the Catholic Church to obtain special graces. Though they are not part of our liturgy and remain a “popular devotion” (a very few are prayed paraliturgically), they’ve been prayed since the very beginning of the Church — and before its official beginning: Mary and the Apostles prayed from His Ascension to the Pentecost, a period of nine days (Acts 1).

The Christian and Jewish meaning of the number “9” entered into Christian thinking on the matter, as “9” was associated with suffering, grief, and imperfection, making it a fitting number for when “man’s imperfection turned in prayer to God” (Catholic Encyclopedia). St. Jerome wrote that “the number nine in Holy Writ is indicative of suffering and grief” (Ezechiel, vii, 24).

Novenas, then, often, but not necessarily, have about them a sense of “urgency”; they are typically made for special intentions, one’s own or another’s (“I’ll make a novena for you”). Novenas to certain Saints are often made according to that Saint’s patronage; for ex., because of his New Testament letter encouraging Christians to persevere in the face of persecution, St. Jude is the patron of desperate situations and “hopeless” causes, so a person who finds himself or a loved one in a real tough bind might make a novena to St. Jude (by the way, it is traditional, after making a novena to St. Jude, to make a public expression of your gratitude. This is the reason for those mysterious thank you notes to St. Jude that you might see in your local newspaper’s Classifieds section).

There are four main types of novenas (a novena may fit into more than one category):

novenas of mourning, such as the novena made during the novemdiales — the nine day period following the death of a Pope
novenas of preparation, or “anticipation,” such as the Christmas or Easter Novenas
novenas of prayer
the indulgenced novenas

In some novenas, the same prayer is said each day for nine days, or sometimes 9 times in one day; others may have (or add) different prayers for each of the 9 prayer sessions. Some “novenas” aren’t properly called “novenas” because the number nine plays no role in any way, but still retain the label. When a Novena is prayed in anticipation of a Feast, it is typically begun such that it ends the day before the Feast (i.e., to know when to start a Novena in anticipation of a Feast, count 10 days back from the Feast, with the Feast itself counting as “one.”)

Most novenas are written in the first person singular, but can easily be altered so they can be prayed in groups (change the “I’s” to “we’s” and “me’s” to “us,” etc.).

Novena to Christ the King

Pray once a day for 9 days, especially beginning 10 days before the Feast of Christ the King (the last Sunday in October).

Say one Our Father, one Hail Mary, and one Glory Be before praying the following prayer:

O Lord our God, Thou alone art the Most Holy King and Ruler of all nations.

We pray to Thee, Lord, in the great expectation of receiving from Thee, O Divine King, mercy, peace, justice and all good things. Protect, O Lord our King, our families and the land of our birth.

Guard us we pray, Most Faithful One. Protect us from our enemies and from Thy just judgment. Forgive us, O Sovereign King, our sins against Thee.

Jesus, Thou art a King of Mercy. We have deserved Thy just judgment. Have mercy on us, Lord, and forgive us. We trust in Thy Great Mercy.

O most awe-inspiring King, We bow before Thee and pray: may Thy reign, Thy Kingdom, be recognized on earth. Amen.

Novena to the Immaculate Conception

Say once a day for nine days, especially starting on November 29 and ending on December 7, the Vigil of the Feast of the Immaculate Conception.

Immaculate Virgin! Mary, conceived without sin! Remember, thou wert miraculously preserved from even the shadow of sin, because thou wert destined to become not only the Mother of God, but also the mother, the refuge, and the advocate of man; penetrated therefore, with the most lively confidence in thy never-failing intercession, we most humbly implore thee to look with favor upon the intentions of this novena, and to obtain for us the graces and the favors we request. Thou knowest, O Mary, how often our hearts are the sanctuaries of God, Who abhors iniquity. Obtain for us, then, that angelic purity which was thy favorite virtue, that purity of heart which will attach us to God alone, and that purity of intention which will consecrate every thought, word, and action to His greater glory. Obtain also for us a constant spirit of prayer and self-denial, that we may recover by penance that innocence which we have lost by sin, and at length attain safety to that blessed abode of the saints, where nothing defiled can enter.

O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee.

V. Thou art all fair, O Mary.

R. Thou art all fair, O Mary.

V. And the original stain is not in thee.

R. And the original stain is not in thee.

V. Thou art the glory of Jerusalem.

R. Thou art the joy of Israel

V. Thou art the honor of our people.

R. Thou art the advocate of sinners.

V. O Mary.

R. O Mary.

V. Virgin, most prudent.

R. Mother, most tender.

V. Pray for us.

R. Intercede for us with Jesus our Lord.

V. In thy conception, Holy Virgin, thou wast immaculate.

R. Pray for us to the Father Whose Son thou didst bring forth.

V. O Lady! aid my prayer.

R. And let my cry come unto thee.

Let us pray

Holy Mary, Queen of Heaven, Mother of Our Lord Jesus Christ, and mistress of the world, who forsakest no one, and despisest no one, look upon me, O Lady! with an eye of pity, and entreat for me of thy beloved Son the forgiveness of all my sins; that, as I now celebrate, with devout affection, thy holy and immaculate conception, so, hereafter I may receive the prize of eternal blessedness, by the grace of Him whom thou, in virginity, didst bring forth, Jesus Christ Our Lord: Who, with the Father and the Holy Ghost, liveth and reigneth, in perfect Trinity, God, world without end. Amen.

St. Joseph Novena Prayer

Oh Saint Joseph, whose protection is so great, so strong, so prompt before the Throne of God, I place in you all my interests and desires.

Oh Saint Joseph, assist me by your powerful intercession and obtain for me from your Divine Son all spiritual blessings through Jesus Christ, Our Lord; so that having engaged here below your Heavenly power I may offer my Thanksgiving and Homage to the Loving of Fathers.

Oh Saint Joseph, I never weary contemplating you and Jesus asleep in your arms. I dare not approach while He reposes near your heart.

Press Him in my name and kiss His fine Head for me, and ask Him to return the kiss when I draw my dying breath.

Saint Joseph, Patron of departing souls, pray for us.

Amen.

Pray this novena for nine days in a row.

Novena to St. Francis of Assisi

Say once a day for nine days, especially beginning on 25 September and ending on 3 October, the eve of the Feast of St. Francis.

Glorious Saint Francis, who voluntarily renounced all the comforts and riches of thy home to follow more perfectly the life of poverty and abnegation of Jesus Christ: Obtain for us, we pray, a generous contempt of all things in this world, that we may secure the true and eternal things of heaven.

Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. Amen.

O glorious Saint Francis, who during the whole course of thy life continually wept over the passion of the Redeemer, and labored most zealously for the salvation of souls: Obtain for us, we pray, the grace of weeping continually over those sins by which we have crucified afresh Our Lord Jesus Christ, that we may attain to be of the number of those who shall eternally bless His supreme mercy.

Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. Amen.

O glorious Saint Francis, who, loving above all things suffering and the Cross, merited to bear in thy body the miraculous stigmata, by which thou becamest a living image of Jesus Christ crucified: Obtain for us, we pray, the grace to bear in our bodies the mortifications of Christ, that we may merit one day to receive the consolations which are infallibly promised to all those who now weep.

“If we be dead with Christ Jesus, we shall live also with Him,” says the Apostle; “if we suffer, we shall also reign with Him.”

Pray for us, Saint Francis, that we may obtain the graces and favors we ask for in this novena; pray for us, especially, that we may obtain the grace of perseverance; of a holy death and a happy eternity.

Pray an Our Father, a Hail Mary, and a Glory Be five times.

Novena to St. Teresa of Avila

Pray especially beginning on 6 October and ending on 14 October, the eve of the Feast of St. Teresa. This Novena was written by St. Alphonsus of Liguori.

First Day:

O most amiable Lord Jesus Christ! We thank Thee for the great gift of faith and of devotion to the Holy Sacrament, which Thou didst grant to Thy beloved Teresa; we pray Thee, by Thy merits and by those of Thy faithful spouse, to grant us the gift of a lively faith, and of a fervent devotion toward the most Holy Sacrament of the altar; where Thou, O infinite Majesty! hast obliged Thyself to abide with us even to the end of the world, and wherein Thou didst so lovingly give Thy whole Self to us.

Say one Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory be.

V. St. Teresa, pray for us: